The derogatory is banned from this sub but it rhymes with “sore” and the other with “klut”
My bf of two years says exactly what the title says and it’s pissing me off. He says, in reference to his friends, “we would never date nurses” meanwhile he talks about being with and marrying me. In his family friend group…a lot of the wives are nurses. He’s talking to his friend right now (loudly, I’m not eavesdropping) and they’re talking about how their mutual friend is a DR and is cheating on his wife with a nurse… I heard him say “damn, should I be worried” to his friend.
It really upsets me. I’m a nurse. I don’t sleep around (not a bad thing just not me). It’s like he talks down on my profession and places me in that category. I’m a hospice nurse and I take pride in my work and no nurse I know (I’m sure there are) is sleeping around with other staff.
It hurts you know? I’ve always thought of nurses as good. It hurts to hear him say “should I be worried” or even say “we don’t date nurses.” I don’t know exactly how to describe it but it makes me so upset. And if I tell him he’ll get upset with me for being upset. He’d probably say something like “it’s a fact, excuse me for believing evidence” or just somehow invalidate it.
How can I bring this up without causing a fight? He likes it when I speak sweet and gentle to him, because I usually do. So I know I need to keep my tone and words (ie swear words) in check. I can do that. But how can I word this?
TLDR; my bf thinks nurses sleep with doctors/ other medical professionals all the time and says he’d never be with one when I AM a nurse. How do I tell him it hurts me without causing a fight?
30 comments
OP, you are dating a misogynist who also appears to have few social skills, since he is not able to understand his audience
I would be worried about that, but whether you are or not is up to you.
Was he always like that and on what does he base his opinion?
Did he ever acknowledge that he says these things infront of you?
From what i can gather he does not respect nurses and the way he is talking it could be stemming from a cheating ex. Depending on the extra info he might even think you are “one of the good ones” which is still very disrespecting.
I do not know if your relationship does have a future if your bf does not change his views. But I would hate being disrespected like that, in the end his issues are not yours to fix or endure
>if I tell him he’ll get upset with me for being upset
>I know I need to keep my tone and words (ie swear words) in check. I can do that. But how can I word this?
You’re 28. Why reward his bad behaviour.
I think that you need to acquire self respect, be single for a while and maybe take some therapy and then find respectful guy.
This dude will make you self hate, will plummet your self confidence and if you have kids, they will adopt his views.
> How can I bring this up without causing a fight? He likes it when I speak sweet and gentle to him, because I usually do. So I know I need to keep my tone and words (ie swear words) in check.
Jeez he’s got you well trained to be a nice little woman hasn’t he? This is sad to read. I’d be reading him the riot act.
Does he know there are male nurses too? Or does he just hate women….
So these male doctors are displaying bad behavior but the morality of the situation is the responsibility of the women. This man is a misogynist. You are currently in a special category but if you ever even start standing up for yourself, I’m guessing that will change. Is this guy a doctor?
Eek. You already know he doesn’t value your opinion or the work you do. Get out.
The same with “flight attendants sleep with pilots”… yeah it happens but not everyone does it. Your boyfriend either trusts you and then he should shut up about it or you dump him for being an immature asshole. Tell him to grow up or leave you alone.
Wow, of course it hurts. It’s very unfair and misogynistic. In terms of bringing it up without a fight, while it is normal for couples to argue, it’s also normal, and ideal, for couples to be able to bring up concerns with each other and to hear each other out without invalidating each other. You shouldn’t have to watch how you say things so closely that you’re scared to bring them up.
Believe people when they show you who they are. That doesn’t mean people need to be perfect or never have issues, but if this is part of a pattern then I’d be concerned.
He is dumb. In just about any profession where men and women work together, some of them are going to be screwing. This is not a nurse thing. It happens everywhere, but obviously that doesn’t mean everyone is participating in that, because most aren’t.
You don’t have a “My boyfriend doesn’t understand, how can I explain it to him” issue. You have a “My boyfriend is a misogynistic asshole who says derogatory shit about me and gets aggressive when I stand up for myself” issue. Therefore the solution is not to search for a way to get him to understand what he already knows and doesn’t care about. The solution is to free yourself from that emotionally abusive asshole.
He is being so disrespectful to you. Time for a new boyfriend.
>How can I bring this up without causing a fight?
Why is that a concern for you? Really think about it.
He’s demeaning your profession (and you’re right, being a nurse is a great thing), using misogynistic slurs about women like you, and implying you can’t be trusted (“should I be worried).
Those are three things that in a healthy relationship would cause a big fight and possibly a break up. They’re truly upsetting things so you should feel like you can tell him he is out of line and if he’s at all decent, he’ll end up apologizing. If he continues to invalidate you or gets upset with you for being upset then he’s trash.
>He likes it when I speak sweet and gentle to him, because I usually do. So I know I need to keep my tone and words (ie swear words) in check.
This is a really worrying statement to read and it explains a lot about why you’re with a man who’ll treat you this way. Why do you feel you need to appease him and speak to him like a child when he’s upset you? You’re a grown woman who does an important job for her community, your boyfriend should respect you or you should put him in his place.
Wonder how many other nurses he’s been stepping out with.
>How can I bring this up without causing a fight? He likes it when I speak sweet and gentle to him, because I usually do. So I know I need to keep my tone and words (ie swear words) in check. I can do that. But how can I word this?
Why does his feelings matter more than yours do? Or to reword that, why must you endure his disrespect to coddle his fragility?
Is this going to the blueprint of your relationship? That his wants matter more?
The fact that you know it will start a fight or that he’ll dismiss it, and that you have to speak quiet and soft to him, is far more relevant ant than anything he’s said. That is a disgusting man and yii need to get away ASAP.
It’s time to walk away from this man. He is throwing away your happiness with both hands. Do you want your future children to hear and learn nonsense like this from him? Good luck to you.
OP, it seems like your boyfriend doesn’t create a safe space for you to bring up valid points which seems like an additional point to think about. You should be able to have open dialogue with your partner and come to a mutual understanding. he also seems kind of mysogensitic and like he doesn’t respect you correctly. I think you should catch him at a time he is in a good mood and be careful in how you articulate it – if he doesn’t then maybe reconsider your relationship as it seems like this will start to show in other fights.
Why are you afraid of him? Call him out on his misogynistic views, his feelings be damned.
You shouldn’t be explaining anything.
Get a different BF. Seriously. Why would you date somebody who thinks this way about your profession.
Damn, I was way off.
Why are you dating a cromagnon? We’ve moved on from that genetic pool, I’d thought.
Loose the negative masculinity in your life. Get a dog. He will love you to shreds, no matter what.
To shreds, you say….
Unfortunately, studies have shown that up to 25% of medical health professionals are/have had affairs.
Of that, about 80% are male doctors.
There are many contributory factors, the primary being the stressful environment, then long hours working in close proximity.
There is a lot more research to be done, and the current studies are limited in the data collected, with some having a definite confirmation bias in the conclusions(to my mind).
This does give ammunition to spouses/partners who already had anecdotal evidence, but again, more research has to be done.
For you, I would say that despite the studies, you know yourself, but you also HAVE to be in a relationship of trust and cooperation.
His attitude towards you sounds distinctly like emotional abuse, and is done through mistrust. I would suggest couples therapy, to get to the root cause of the issues, and help him to build a more healthy attitude towards both you, and your relationship.
If he can’t/won’t take this action as a start, then I would question his commitment in general and start looking at an exit strategy, for your own mental health.
You solve this by dumping him. He’s unsalvageable
Oh, ffs tell your partner it doesn’t matter what profession you are in. Some people will cheat. Looks like the friend is playing on your partners insecurities. Try to talk to them, but if they continue run.
Christ Almighty, he talks like that but you have to be “sweet and gentle” to him? What in the actual fuck, no, stop coddling this misogynist large adult baby. Know your worth and stand up for yourself, he’s got trained to placate and plead. Honestly, I’d dump such an asshole. Why does he deserve your time and attention? He doesn’t.
He’s the one causing a fight here. You’re dating a misogynist.
The funny part of all of this is that his friend the doctor isn’t a SL*t or a Wh*re. You know, the one who is actually married, and made a commitment to someone else?
No, Not that guy.
Just the nurse. Just *her* profession. Why aren’t doctors notorious for cheating on their wives?
This should tell you all you need to know about your BF. He’s a Dooooosh.
Male nurse here. 80% of my coworkers who are female cheat. I don’t know if its the job or what but yea. Just go to nursing convention and take a look around. Its not necessarily the doctors they sleep with its other male nurses or therapists. Working long hours away from your significant other with people you have a lot in common with tends to nurture relationships. Thats reality not saying OP gives her BF reasons to not trust her but its really the occupational situation. Those ER nurses love the cops and firemen and paramedics though.