tldr; bf keeps saying i don’t have enough excitement for him, even though i do and show it everyday, i want to know what more i could do
Me and my bf have been together for 2 years. I am extremely happy in the relationship, and he always claims he is too, the happiest he’s ever been. However, he will also recurringly say that he doesn’t feel “excitement” from me, for him. I’m very affectionate towards him, I’m loving, I’m touchy and smiling, I always wanna be wrapped around him, but he says that’s just “sweet” and “loving” but he wants a more “charged” energy that he “can’t explain”. He claims it isn’t sexual but a part of me feels like it is, like he just wants me to want sex more.
For context, he is a bit clingy and emotionally codependent, it’s really hard on him if there is a day where we don’t spend time together. He will start to think I am less interested in him. We also live together. I am very career driven and have things to do and get done everyday that doesn’t always make him the center of my focus. I was not this goal-focused at the beginning of our relationship; he was the center of my universe.
This is frustrating for me because at this point it’s been over a year that he’s been saying this from time to time. In my eyes, if you truly feel like I haven’t been showing excitement, it’s like why are you still with me? I feel like I DO show excitement, but I feel like he’s wanting me to be ripping his clothes off every five seconds or something.
What are some things I can do (that I’m not already doing) to get him to feel this “excitement” from me?
3 comments
Okay it seems like your boyfriend has anxious attachment. His expectations for you are incredibly unrealistic and unattainable, but they’re also unfair. Expecting someone to do something for you when you can’t even put into words what you need from them isn’t fair. I genuinely don’t believe there’s anything you can do to make him feel secure and good in this relationship because this is a *him* problem. The fact that he can’t handle being away from you for a day was the big red flag that this could very well be anxious attachment disorder and that’s extremely unhealthy. You’re never going to be able to do enough for him because the anxiety will never let him feel secure. I would encourage you to do some research into this and sit down with him and talk about it. He needs to be able to work on himself and not expect constant affirmations and to be with you 24/7, because that’s never going to be realistic. If therapy is an option for him then he should really try that.
Are you supposed to hand him a balloon every time you see him, or…?
Just out of curiosity, is he heavily into porn and is wishing you behaved like the girls in there?
He needs to explain to you what he exactly means by excited and give examples. Has he ever tried getting you “excited”?