I’ve (30-someF) been dating my 30-some boyfriend for 8 months. It’s sort of felt like an are we in or are we out vibe for the past month, with him saying he’s in and for the most part his behaviour matches his word. I on the other hand might be leaning towards out, based on partying behaviour.
Here’s where I’m wondering: aita datingoverthirty edition. He has been having an uptick of “guys nights” (average every second weekend for the last month) where he goes out and drinks a lot, does coke sometimes, and let’s loose. He’ll basically not reach out to me until the next night and I’m actually usually the one to do it because my anxiety is killing me from being in a communication black hole from the day before. I don’t mind at all that he spends time with his friends. It’s the excessive drinking and zero contact that bugs me.
Also, I’m sober. I don’t work a program. I’m less black and white on things than I used to be. But overall I abstain from alcohol entirely for my own health and betterment. Edit to add: i mention my sobriety but I almost wish I didn’t. Not drinking alcohol is the least interesting thing about me!
He knew getting into this that I was sober and I don’t want to date a binge drinker. Now I feel like I was deceived and am tolerating shit I don’t actually want because I went and fell in love with him. I think I could be okay if this happened once every other month but not every other weekend. I hate feeling like a nag, I hate how it’s making me feel like a bore, and just generally could use some perspective: het ladies, would you be okay with it? Het-guys: is this your norm?
I’m hoping this will even out. I wonder if a simple check in last night might have made the world of difference. I don’t know if it’s the hangover that bugs me because a lot of people drink, I shouldn’t impose my lifestyle.
What do you all think?