This started this past week when I accidentally saw a text notification pop-up from a person I’ve never heard about on my wife’s phone. We were in the kitchen preparing dinner. No history of cheating by either of us.
Two days later, I eventually confronted my wife about this new person’s name, and she immediately shared about this being the abusive ex she had mentioned through the years. I prodded more and she opened up about meeting him in person. She was adamant they had not hooked up and that the meeting at the mall was strictly for a face-to-face apology. This was during a period of time she went back home to another state to take care of her ailing mother.
All of this came to light this week and I’ve been feeling heartbroken, angry, sad, confused, perhaps liberated. So, I investigated some more and I contacted the abusive ex’s wife. The abusive ex’s wife shared that she had actually told my wife to stop contacting him 2 years ago! And yet my wife continued contacting him until very recently! She’s firm in that the ongoing conversations were occasional and platonic and nostalgic at times. She seems honest, confident, and ashamed in her responses. She agrees I’ve grounds to leave and not believe anything she says.
I’m so torn because our relationship has been progressing positively with children through the years despite her traumas. I had understood she would’ve wanted my support through such a reconciliation/apology from such a traumatic relation, but she left me hanging 3 years since receiving such an apology. She feels this was her issue to get through privately and didn’t see it necessary to tell me about it. Should I move on from this relationship?
EDIT: The abusive ex’s wife also believes the meeting was simply a platonic apology meeting. The abusive ex has a seemingly happy home life with kids of their own and is enjoys the full trust of his wife (according to her).