Aight so basically I’ve been talking to this one girl who used to be my classmate back in school. We’ve been friends for 3 years. I consider her to be my best friend and she meant a lot to me and she too herself said the same and told me she could only confide in me. Our friendship was smooth sailing for a while and we could talk to each other about everything and nothing. I thought she was a good friend in general. I felt heard and seen in her presence and I thought I could trust her and count on her.
Until at one point on 2022, she gradually started ghosting me. I didn’t mind tho because people aren’t on their phones 24/7 and they have a life outside of the digital realm. But at a certain point, she started leaving me on seen or delivered for weeks or sometimes even half a month and she acted like nothing happened when she replied back. She’s active on other social media and sometimes she comes online and sees my message but I still don’t get a reply back.
At one point, I got ghosted for 3 months straight. I was already experiencing a very rough time due to battling depression and trying to keep my head straight in my abusive home during this period. I got left on seen for these 3 months when I vented to her about my situation. (Keep in mind that she herself vented often and I was always a listening ear). She came online a lot during this period but I never got a reply back or anything. She was also active on IG. Which to me, felt like being kicked while I was already down.
We went back to talking after this period after i accidentally texted her instead of someone else. She didn’t apologize. She acted like nothing had happened. I was very hurt over what had unfolded so I left her with dry responses for a period until she cried about how much she wished we would go back to what we were on 2022 when our friendship was at its peak. I felt a pang of guilt and of course like the idiot I am, I gave her a second chance.
Then once again the cycle of ghosting for long periods of time repeated itself for the next 5 months.
Eventually I had enough of it and I confronted her about the ghosting situation but it completely backfired on me because she just went tangents about how horrible of a person she is, how she should kill herself alongside how her family didn’t deserve a daughter like her and blah blah blah. I once again felt a pang of guilt and rushed to give her assurance. AND…I got ghosted again for a month. I felt extremely dismissed & confused deep down
It was when I got seriously fed up of her. The friendship did me more damage than good not just in terms of repeated ghosting but also in terms of how she saw me as a emotional punching bag because she only got off ghost mode only to vent. She never even bothered to ask me how I was doing or whether i was alive, she jumped straight to venting about her life and our conversations revolved around that very often. In fact very recently, I got ghosted for a month only to get vent paragraphs; not even a “Hello” or “How are you?”. Also when I talked about myself, my mental health and my own life, she turned it around and made it entirely about herself and her own life a good number of times; although there are times when she did listen and gave assurance often which I’m grateful for
I am overall very bitter, frustrated and extremely hurt over what has had happened so far and I’ve been questioning our friendship for a long time. Yeah sure, she keeps telling me how I was her best friend and blah blah blah. But I feel more like a therapist than a friend because, as i mentioned above, she only showed up to vent, nothing else. Our friendship has been on thin ice ever since 2023 and I’m starting to think our friendship has no future and that I am seriously considering cutting her off in order to protect my sanity as I’m literally stepping on eggshells in order to keep this friendship afloat all this while because I wasn’t ready to let my friend go. Like for example, I sidelined all of my own needs in order to prioritize hers such that I stayed up at nights to assure her & give her a listening ear when she vented even when I had to wake up early the next day and etc
It has been exhausting for me to keep up with her constant need for assurance and support. I have been feeling drained and overwhelmed from talking to her. But I have never complained about it because she always talked about how I was her confidante and she didn’t regret venting to me. I was happy to hear that because I felt needed and wanted. Obviously I wanted to keep it this way because I didn’t want to disappoint her and I felt a sense of purpose from her words
Despite everything, I can’t bring myself to cut her off because she is my only IRL friend. I’ve grown attached to her and I’m still very fond of talking to her. But enough is enough at this point and I’m tired of setting myself on fire to keep her warm. So I’m looking for every possible yet effective methods to detach completely and cut her off one day.
Thank you so much for taking time of the day to read this and have a good day y’all!