I posted a few days with a bunch of drama. My now ex fiancé got me pregnant and blocked me on everything. He had a vasectomy and I had my iud removed; we proceeded and I got pregnant. He tried to force me to have an abortion the last few days, but when I refused, he blocked me. Good riddance. — I don’t know the quality of his vasectomy. I only know what he told me.
I am going forward with the pregnancy on my own. I am divorced, have a child from a previous marriage, and I kept my ex husband’s last name. Our child had that name, so I just didn’t change it. Now, I’ve got this new baby coming, but the last name isn’t originally mine? The father is obviously not going to be involved. Would it be crazy for me to give the baby another man’s last name? I don’t really want to go back to my maiden name because my dad was uninvolved too.
Ages ago, I asked my ex husband if I could have a baby alone and give it his name and he said it was fine. I said it as a kind of joke but now it seems like some cruel irony. I don’t know how he would feel now. Thoughts? I also don’t know how my exes future spouses or girlfriends would feel about it.
Please do not encourage me to get an abortion because I’ve already decided to keep the baby. I have no problems providing for the child, and I’m already emotionally attached.
48 comments
OK, let me be clear, he had a vasectomy? Like a real vasectomy or just a pretend one? It is possible for the vas to grow back, but that takes a long time and in the last 20 years, mine hasn’t. Regardless of who baby daddy is if there’s no father in the picture and you can give them whatever name you want.
If you wanted to be nice would recommend you still check with him (x husband, not the x fiancée) again (if you have a good relationship with him) to see if he would be weirded out. And even if you didn’t, I personally would not say that it’s weird. That’s YOUR last name now, too.
It would be *way* weirder for you to go back to your maiden name and then change your child’s name back to your maiden name, *just* so that you could give the new baby your maiden name.
My ex-aunt did this. No one batted an eyelid at it, although it did confuse some distantly related geneologists!
> I kept my ex husband’s last name.
To clarify, the question is this: Would it be weird for your baby to use your last name?
Thats what is expected if you don’t want to give the child its fathers last name, and no reason to involve your ex husband it doesn’t impact him or have anything to do with him.
When my mother divorced my father she kept his name for the same reason you did, she kept it right up until she got remarried after my sister and I had well and truly left home. Dad never cared.
As for the new baby, I’d give it your surname! It is the name you go by, it is your identity now. You could definitely chat to your ex husband about it again. But ultimately it’s your choice!
It’s your last name. You never changed it back to your maiden so it is essentially your last name. Which means the baby would have the same last name as you. Just don’t go putting your ex husband on the birth certificate lol! jk
Many years ago, a guy told me he had a vasectomy and I got pregnant. He left me too because he had a girlfriend of two years and I didn’t know, but later I found out he didn’t even had the vasectomy and just lied to me because “I want you to enjoy sex without worrying about anything”
Yeah those were his words.
It’s still your last name too, so if not your current last name what would you use? Certainly not the guy that walked away and blocked you. It actually seems logical to me to use your current last name.
It’s legally your last name, I don’t see why you wouldn’t use your legal last name for your child.
If it’s your legal last name then you are fine with giving that to your new baby. The name stopping belonging to your ex the moment it became YOUR legal name b
Yes, it’s perfectly fine to name your new child with your last name. It’s your last name now because you kept it. Absolutely nothing weird with that. I sincerely don’t see an issue with this except that your ex-husband will have to clarify (but that’s his problem).
Have you touched base with your ex about your intent? Also let him know the situation and that you have no desire to ask for support for this child. Also that he would have no parental rights. Also I’m guessing the bio dad has no clue what you are planning, but he might decide to sue for his parental rights and maybe custody.
He can ghost you all he wants but he will need to help pay for the baby he helped to create his name needs to be on the birth certificate too.
You’d be giving the baby your last name. You’re overthinking it.
You are giving your baby, your current name.
Make sure to file for child support on the baby daddy.
It’s not your ex-husband’s last name, it’s fully *your* last name.
My mom kept her married name after she divorced and gave us all the name despite us all having different dads. I never thought it was that weird cause it made it easier to tell we were all siblings. Never knew how my brother’s dad felt about it, though.
It’s your last name now, too. It has been since you chose to take it when you got married, and you solidified that by keeping it after the divorce. Whose name would you give the baby beside your own last name? It’s a tad unusual, sure, but it doesn’t seem innappripirate or anything.
Now if you didn’t have that last name or something thatd be pretty weird 🤣🤣
Give baby your last name so y’all will have the same
It’s your last name now, so it’s not weird at all. Make sure to get a lawyer and paternity test done as soon as you can so your ex can start paying child support.
Go for it! It’s your name now and your ex is cool with it.
It will make things a lot easier if your little family all has the same name IMO.
Redditors will scream empowerment and tell you to do what you want, etc.
Do what you want BUT have you considered how the baby will feel when older? And the older child? I think more than your feelings, the focus should be on how this will impact your children. Have you talked to the current child to see how he/she/they would feel sharing their dad’s last name with the new baby? You don’t want to inadvertently breed resentment or animosity among the siblings. Kids can get oddly territorial about things.
Your ex’s last name will have no semblence of history or heritage related to the baby’s geneology. You’re also forcing your baby to be tied to your ex and your failed marriage, which is a lot to put on a child. Call me sentimental, but names mean something and I hope you’re not passing on a last name solely out of convenience. That kid will forever have to explain why he/she/they have no kinship to that name or to ex. And if the younger child’s biological father continues no contact, are you prepared to deal with that child trying to latch onto the ex, with whom he/she/they share a last name? Especially if he’s involved in the older child’s life…
Have you considered your mom’s maiden name?
Regardless of your decision, recommend you get comfortable with how you’re going to message this to all parties involved, and most importantly, to both of your children.
Personally I think it would be a little weird, not gonna lie. But it’s your last name now, so do whatever you want, I see nothing wrong with it.
You’re not giving the baby your ex husband’s name. You’re giving the baby YOUR name. The end.
It’s not weird because it’s your last name too. That’s it, end of discussion.
I grew up with a last name from this exact situation. I was given the last name of my older brothers’ dad, my mother’s ex-husband, who was not my father. I always hated it and wished I had my mother’s maiden name as a last name. I also didn’t like my brother’s dad though, my brothers always got to go out to eat with him once a week and I wasn’t allowed, so I was jealous since I didn’t get to go out much, and my dad wasn’t in the picture. Now as an adult though, I can see why my mom kept the same last name as my brothers’.
While I understand where people are coming from who say your ex’s last name is yours it will make your child feel weird. The person who gave them their last name essentially isn’t even a parent of theirs. At some point they’ll realize your last name isn’t your family’s last name and the child will feel weird having a last name of a family he doesn’t even know or talk to and isn’t even related to. I am speaking from personal experience here.
In your place I’d change my name back to my maiden name and give your child your maiden name. At least your previous child and this one will have a name from a family that is related to them.
Thing is last names aren’t just your name. They’re a family’s name.
Also if people know your other child is your ex’s they will assume this child is too. On anything they may want to contact a parent on and they can’t reach you they may contact your ex. ETA: for this reason he needs a say. Remember your last name isn’t just yours. It’s his and his family’s.
It’s not just your ex-husband’s last name, it’s now yours. Your baby should absolutely have the same last name as you and you do not have to change your last name just because you are no longer married to him.
I can only speak for myself, but if my ex-wife kept my last name and she ended up being a single mother after we divorced, then I wouldn’t have any issue with her giving the child our last name. That is HER last name now, and she has a right to it by virtue of being married to me at one point.
I would also be glad that the new baby would have the same last name as their half-siblings.
The name is not your ex husband’s it’s YOUR last name now. So yes you would give your new baby that name
My dad’s ex-wife did just this over 50 years ago. I dint think my dad was thrilled but he understood the reasoning that all the kids would have the same last name.
Good luck however you decide!
I’m a woman who’s unmarried with no kids, but thinking about this from the ex husband standpoint, I’d be annoyed a kid who’s not mine has my last name, especially if the last name is rather unique.
Personally I say you give it your maiden name and change your name back. Can’t imagine why anyone would want to keep their ex’s last name
If you changed your name to Jane Smith, it’d be fine for your baby to be Baby Smith. This is no different. It’s not your exes name only, it’s your name too.
Is it still your legal last name? If so, then go ahead and use it.
I have the same last name as my mom and my sisters, my mom’s ex husbands last name. I have a different dad than my sisters do. It was never weird and it made it easier for my mom.
I think it would absolutely trash for you to give that child your ex husband’s last name. So he is old enough and knows all of you have the same last name, but when his brother gets to spend time with his dad and he doesn’t…how will he feel once you’ve explained he has the name but is of no relation?? This is why I always say….parents fk their kids up from jump.
I know everyone thinks differently, but if I was your 2nd child, I would be uncomfortable. I’m guessing your first child still has some sort of contact with her father? I can’t imagine sharing a last name with my sister’s father who has no relation to me. This can lead to unnecessary insecurities. I would change it as soon as I turned 18.
Change your perspective. You’re not giving your new baby your ex husband’s name, you’re giving your baby YOUR name.
The name belongs to you. Provide the name of the parent that will want the child, against all odds. Not just if/when they may change their minds. Who cares about anyone but you and your baby? We don’t! *I don’t!*
I gave my middle son my married last name (NOT husband’s bio child) instead of my maiden because I wanted him to match me and my oldest. My son wishes I’d not done this.
A lot of women do that. Or when they divorce keeps her husband’s name because it’s their children’s name. That’s the father and if the father is going to be the father and have to pay child support and you want to give the baby that’s all there’s name.
It’s not weird. It’s your last name. Your legal last name. You decided not to change it back and that’s totally fine. Your ex husband doesn’t really have any say in it and it’ll be easier if both your kids have the same last name as you.
It’s your last name now. Even if anyone had a problem with it, there’s nothing they could do.
Also hospital would default to that last name anyway since it is your legal name.
My ex kept my name because we had two kids with it and she didn’t want to explain it every time it mattered. I didn’t (don’t) care, and if she was in this situation, I would understand and respect her decision. I would take no offense and feel kinda honored that I didn’t fuck things up enough to make her feel the she needed to.
If you kept the name for the sake of keeping the same last name as your child. It’s no longer your ex’s. It’s yours and your children’s. SO if I were you I’d do as I please and name the baby the same since it’s MY last name.
That’s the whole reason you chose to stay with that one in the first place, and if their bio dad isn’t planning to be a consistent part of their life/make a commitment to you. Then it really isn’t their business what your new baby’s last name is.
You’re the mama, you are committed to the children. You make the call. ♡
It’s your name. You are not changing your name again. Give the baby your name.
PS I can’t believe that your ex blocked you. He is in denial about being a father. Sorry.
IMO: Give the child YOUR last name. Keep it if it’s feasible for you as a single mom or give it up for adoption if not. It doesn’t have to be a decision made at birth. My friend had two kids and kept her third until it was a year old. As a single mom it was too hard for her and the father refused to pay child support. The baby girl was open adopted to a local and wonderful couple so everyone sees each other for special occasions throughout the year. Her other young children just think the baby is living with her father. Do what’s best for you and the child. Good luck!
It’s your last name now, you’d be giving the baby your name. It wouldn’t make him any more related to the baby than any other kid with the same last name, and you can still put the correct father on the paperwork, unless you choose not just leave the space blank, in which case he’s still not gonna be in the paperwork.
Though you’ll probably have to be prepared for people to ask about it if you tell anyone about the kid’s last name, not that it’s anyone’s business.
If it was me I’d just not post anything about baby’s last name and not invite anyone’s comments with telling them what isn’t their business or even necessary.