It’s been almost 8 months since we started dating and at the beginning it was chill till one month later after dating I found out he was still contacting his ex. I confronted him about it and he texted her explaining how he wouldn’t message her again. He had told me he was worried about her mental health. (She cheated on him and was happily in a new relationship) . I had obviously been very upset before confronting to the point where i scratched my car into the apartment complex parking pole things from just being shocked and frustrated. Smh. So after that, I’d just be thinking about “ they probably did this together” “ I bet he gave her these types of flowers” “I bet they laughed a lot together “ “I bet they were happier” “I bet she had a better sense of humor” “I bet she is better at games than me” “I bet he had more fun with her” all these thoughts would come into my mind but never said it out loud. I did sometimes compare myself to her in front of him . ( btw , we were friends before we started dating and he was dating his ex so he would tell me stuff about her that stuck to me) . I know . I KNOW. I’m in the wrong for being insecure and I’ve been told and I’m AWARE of that. After that little bump, he proved to me how much he loves me and he really had fallen for me and I fell harder. I love him with all my heart and I know he does too. He doesn’t wanna talk about her and gets a little upset when I accidentally mention something about his past. I totally understand. He’s never shown signs of being insecure to me. He never asks about my past and doesn’t look. He simply is loving me now. And I can’t be anymore grateful. I’ve tried YouTube videos to help cause I don’t think therapy around here helps. It helps for a bit but then back to square one thinking these dumb ass thoughts. I asked my coworkers and they just said “ you just gotta tell yourself your better” . But am I really better? I’m young and don’t have a lot to offer. I don’t have a lot of money or a job to flex. I live in a apartment complex with a roommate cause I can’t afford shit in this economy. I’m not as motivated anymore. And I still tell myself it’d be better if I hadn’t existed in the first place. Cause if it weren’t for me , he still would’ve been friends with the man (O)that SA’d me. His small friend group, especially one(T) , just started disliking me after the SA incident. Probably because I was the reason why the super outgoing fun one(O) is no longer there. What made me write this post is I saw he hadn’t deleted stuff from his FB about when he was together with her ( I know he forgot to but I won’t confront him about it since just today he told me not to mention her ever again) Is there anything , I can tell myself, I can do, I can read (I’ve tried the Bible) anything I can do? I already have a diary but I always end up writing the negative stuff in the end.