I have been with him for 2 years. I’m autistic and experience love differently. For me, it’s a lot more… Forever. Permanent. I can’t fall out of love. I can’t. I can be abused a thousand times and just can’t break it off. I don’t know if it’s related to autism. I feel like it is. It’s a very intense loyalty.
I am very insecure. I am a recovered anorexic and just… Hate myself. Completely.
Recently, a friend told me that my boyfriend went onto hook up apps to talk to these girls but never met with them and had a chronic porn addiction. I told him from the start, before we were together, he can’t watch porn. I think the part that hurts the most is it’s all supermodel type girls. Beautiful women with bbls and boobs jobs and everything I’m not. He had been watching porn multiple times a day, every single day. He was addicted. Fantasizing about other women. Redheads, his favorite, which I am not.
I called him at 1 am or so after he had a bad day, confronting him. He became irrationally angry at me. Telling me to go away. He told me to go think about it. He said he still loved me but was mad at me for crying. He told me it’s not cheating.
I don’t know what to do. I know logically I should leave him but I can’t. Is there other options?