Me (24M) and my ex-girlfriend(24F) ended our 7 year relationship a few months ago, it almost feels like it got over for no reason and I can’t get past that. Obviously, given the duration it’s all very complicated but I’ll try to give detail without making this too long (Turns out it is still huge).
We started dating when we were 16, I had never been with anyone before and she had past relationships but I guess you could say ours was her first real and serious relationship. I don’t know if it was just us being kids but we wanted to be with each other forever from day 1, given how long it lasted I don’t think it was us just being kids. Anyway, the honeymoon phase lasted a very long time (like a year) and then we had several ups and downs but we spent all day together and never felt the need for anyone else. Eventually, things got pretty toxic when we revealed the ‘not-best’ parts of ourselves, she was extremely possessive (beyond what I can explain) and I was inexpressive, lazy and socially anxious which led to me never making an effort to meet her friends and family. In spite of these problems, leaving each other was never something we considered.
When the jealousy and possessiveness got too much, I decided to break it off since we were leaving for college and were going to be in different countries with a huge time difference and it didn’t even make sense anymore. It was the hardest thing I ever did, I literally got a fever and the thought of not having her anymore was physically painful. We couldn’t stop talking and stayed in some kind of label-less relationship. The break up shook her up and she backed off with the whole possessiveness and jealousy and things started to get better, eventually we got back. We still had some issues but we were happy, I even took a 10 hour flight to go see her and that trip was great for the most part, except, she was way too involved in her social life there, it sucked her up. I never objected and understood her prioritizing the people around her because I know how hard it is to be by yourself abroad, you need friends just for the heck of survival. She got very close to a guy and again I didn’t object because her having someone was more important to me, I grew very insecure but I still know she would never betray me.
Anyway, we couldn’t keep in touch (my fault as much as it was hers, maybe more mine) and eventually she started to lose the will to make an effort to stay connected. She was literally obsessed with me (that statement makes me sound self obsessed but I am just being honest) and we both knew it was bad for her, she made an effort to not let me be the center of her world (which I completely supported and still do) and she really kind of lost her love for me. She used to be sweet, warm, kind, always listening and supportive and the ONLY person I ever spoke to about my problems and feelings. With her being unavailable, I got used to being all by myself and not sharing anything, I guess I’m okay with that too.
For the last year, we barely spoke but we were still together. A few months ago, she said she needs to figure herself out since she felt emotionally unstable and couldn’t really be a girlfriend to me anymore. I said I understand but our problem is that we aren’t talking, if we want to solve this we need to make an effort to talk instead of taking a break. She said she needs the break but she doesn’t want to stop talking to me (partially because she knows that I really need her) but I said if you really want a break we shouldn’t talk (partially because I knew it is the right thing to do and partially because I am self destructive and was mad at her, I still am and feel resentment towards her).
She still messages me every now and then to check up on me, I never text first but just respond in one or two words. Recently, she said she really misses me and asked if it was possible to sort things out, I said we are too far gone and there was no point (again, partially because I know it is right and partially because I’m still just angry). It has been 3 months, I haven’t heard her voice or seen her face after years of having that everyday, and we haven’t met in person for a year now but somewhere in my heart I still believe it has to be us in the end because of which I just can’t move on, I’m fine on my own but at some point I need to be open to being with other people even if it is just casually. I mean I am 24 and have only ever been with one person, I feel like I am wasting my youth.
Obviously, since the breakup I feel like we were fine and happy and our problems were no big deal but I am aware that this is just a trick my mind could be playing on me. On the other hand, if I pursue other people and try to move on but realize we really do want to be together and it’s going to be good, what if it closes the door on this relationship. I know this isn’t simple, but what do you guys think I should do..?
tl;dr – 7 years together, first relationship ended and I don’t know if I should get back or move on and purse other people?