Hi everyone,
I’m facing a problem with my boyfriend, and I could really use some advice. We’ve been together for about six months now, but we constantly argue about small things, and it always seems to escalate into big arguments.
Recently, I mentioned to him that I view a mutual male friend as a hero because he helped me a lot before I met my boyfriend. However, this sparked a huge argument between us. My boyfriend doesn’t understand why I would refer to another guy as my hero and believes I’m normalizing inappropriate behavior.
Here’s a snippet of his messages to me:
[tf why?
so ur telling me it’s fine to call another guy ur hero.
and ur normalizing it.
he is a kind guy and sweet for helping that’s how u should view.
Not ur hero.
hero for helping? Tf anyone can help out so what.
This is unbelievable.
this is so fckd up.
Whenever I try to discuss smth , u turn that way.
what hero wtf.
this is not normal.
u keep surprising me.
I’m not getting over this one and remember this.
calling him a hero is a different thing.
If there was no jealousy I wouldn’t love u at all.
that’s miserable.
I’m scared from the up coming days cuz day after day u keep surprising me with thing’s u do and all u say is oh it’s just the differences in the cultures.
u never wrong about anything u say , u act like yk everything and u don’t do mistakes.
u play it cool and shit like oh he is my hero TF can’t u understand it’s not normal if it is to anyone it’s not for me.
but no ur not willing to change or adapt with me (can’t believe I’m asking for that from my gf) and u better run away from it like now.
if that’s the case then just go find u a guy who is THAT open minded and don’t come to me if ur not willing to understand me.
why is it always me , hear ur self ! I’m never opening up an argument out of nowhere for no reason.
ask anyone they will all prove the right person.
okay yk what , even if I’m not making sense to u and it’s just me who is making drama over smth that u find completely normal , it’s still obviously discomforting me to hear u say that even tho I trust u and ik u are loyal , are u still not willing to change it if it’s causing ur partner discomfort ?
If I find out about smth I said that causes u discomfort I would stop no matter what even if it’s not making sense to me , cuz relationship is all about understanding each other making each other comfortable , that’s all I’m asking for.
replying to the first part of the message cuz basically I’m always the one who is opening up this arguments , if u ever open up an argument about smth that I have done then I will consider my actions and try to hear out ur point of view. ]
I’m really struggling to understand why he’s reacting this way. Is he just insecure, or is there something else going on? And I’m wondering if this behavior is toxic for our relationship.
Any insights or advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you in advance.