Looking for some advice..
Me (32 F) and my partner (30 M) are unmarried and have been together a couple of years (24M). I am currently pregnant with our first child. My surname is very important to me.. I am the last in line and I don’t want it to disappear, I was very close to my grandparents etc. and likewise his surname is very important to him as he fought in the war and is proud of the name.
I would like to double barrel our child’s surname to acknowledge the importance of both our family history, however he is saying he is the man and as a “traditional” man it’s his surname alone and as the woman my surname shouldn’t be there. I have tried and tried to say my side but he just gets very angry and he actually ended up saying to me that we should have had this discussion before he “spunk**” inside me and he wants nothing to do with me because I’m a feminist and a man hater and I can enjoy being a single mum and being alone.
I also pointed out we aren’t married and we don’t even have the same surnames so it’s nice for the child to have a combination of us. To this he told me that his wife would be taking his surname and only his surname, he would not allow me to double barrel mine or keep my maiden name and if that’s my view then he doesn’t want to marry me.
Another reason I don’t want to just take his surname if we did get married is his family don’t speak to me and he has told me they hate me. So in my eyes why would I want to ditch the name of the family I am loved by to join a family that hate me and want nothing to do with me. He also kept calling me “woman” through this feather unpleasant phone call which i absolutely hate.
Really hoping for some advice here because I’m at my wits end with it and just feel so bullied.
Is double barrelling a child surname wrong?
TL; DR; my partner refuses to double barrel our child’s surname claiming it has to be only his as he’s the man, and that I’m a feminist and a man hater for suggestion both surnames be used.