I have been asking my (32m) partner of 7 years for more touch for years. His response is always “what are you doing to receive it”. He says he would do more if I did more. He doesn’t really reciprocate if I hug him. He doesn’t hold my hand. He barely hugs me unless he is need of a hug. He has a high sex drive and will touch in ways like reaching out and grabbing my ass or my boobs. He’ll stroke my face or my hair. He gives me compliments. He’ll ask me to dance or move some kind of way. However, my thing is cuddling and sensual touch. It gets me going. He simply won’t do it. And if I ask for it, he asks what I’m doing to make it more likely he’ll do it. I’ve become very distant because he rejects my hugs and my pleas for cuddling.
I recently went to a group event and it was over a weekend at the beach. There was a lot of men attracted to me, but there was one very confident individual. I kept my distance and set a boundary. However, at one point we were all around a porch set up and everyone got up but I planned to stay. He turned around and picked up my feet with a squeeze and caressed them, moved them over his knees, sat next to me and held on to my feet very tight in his lap with a bit of a massage feel. It sent waves through my body, because this is one of the main things that I desire physically in even a non sexual way. I mean, wavesss. I’m dreaming about it.
Though it was very difficult, I pulled away and said you know you can’t do that. We talked about it actually and I told him that I honestly liked that a lot but it’s inappropriate since I am in a relationship. I went to bed. But I can still feel him. This is what I want and I desire. But even with tons of therapy and working on communication with my SO, it doesn’t feel like this will ever be a part of our relationship. It’s actually far more complicated than even the physical dynamics, because we’ve built a life together and have responsibilities. I don’t make a ton of money right now.
Part of me wants to end it all and start over and find a love that will touch me and be close to me. That’s how I bond and feel loved. I also love compliments, acts of service, gifts of course but I think physical touch is just my basic human need. I can give myself a home, food, I can take out the trash. I can’t rub my own back. What should I do?
TL;DR my (f33) partner (m32) won’t touch me sensually for non sexual things. We won’t cuddle. He is attracted to me and wants sex so he’ll grab my butt or boobs, but when I ask to be held, hugged or cuddled he refuses. He’s a good man overall and helpful in so many ways, but physical touch is a basic human need I desire very much. Another man flirtatiously picked up my feet and squeezed them and it made me realise I’ve been wanting that for a long time.