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I’m not ready yet but the idea of trying to date is terrifying. I’ve never given it a serious try before and I feel like I don’t even know how to start, besides just downloading the apps lol. Dating seems so complicated. There’s so many factors like situationships, attachment types, love vs lust vs limerence, and more! Wtf it’s overwhelming lol
Edit – why am I getting downvoted? This is me being honest about how I feel.
I went on a first date last night and it went better than I expected. 🙂
Posting again as no replies and it’s the perfect time where I live to ask:
Quick advice as Google is full of ads and the review sites I found are paid so they can promote paid sites over free ones. Some sites seem legit but have no reviews, others ask for 50€ per month to start with.
For those of you in France/Germany/Benelux: what are the best sites and apps for hookups (so-called plan cul in French)? What are the best sites and apps to meet people for dating or even friendships?
For France, apart from the classical Tinder/Bumble/Happen/Fruitz, I’ve seen some good stories on Jmdate and Adopte.
I live in France but in close proximity to three other countries so advice for the above is welcome. Yes I speak the local languages except for Dutch. I’m a hetero male and I’m open to whatever comes, although I want to take it very slowly if it’s something serious. I’m going through a lot of changes in life, including a recent breakup.
It’s so weird to think back at all the people I dated and was sad when it didn’t work out. Even with those people I knew it wasn’t right but I just wanted my person so badly I was willing to settle.
But this person is everything I hoped for. So kind, patient, respectful and is just as into me as I am into him. We both initiated. I haven’t once felt insecure on how he was feeling because he has no issue being direct. He respected my need to slow things down and has taken it very seriously. I do feel bad because I can see that he is visible trying to hold back saying how he feels in fear of pushing me away. I’ve been working on making him feel more comfortable in that again as that conversation was nearly 2 months ago and I believe my feelings have caught up to his.
Last night we had a long phone conversation as he is away for work and we talked about “fixing people” he said he always tries to tackle problems in relationships head on and fix them. I told him that scared me because with some of my mental health stuff it’s not his problem to fix and I wouldn’t want to put that pressure in him because he can’t fix it. And he responded with “fixing it isn’t me trying to make you laugh and forcing you to be better. To me fixing it is looking at our environment and seeing what I can help with to support you through it. ie, cleaning the house, feeding the dog, etc” and that shook my world. He just got it with out me being able to describe what I’m not even certain I knew I needed.
I’m scared.. But I think I might love him. I’m pretty sure he’s wanted to say it to me several times already but has held back due to the not wanting to cross my boundaries.
Dad bod or daddy bod?
I am 5,6 and have only ever dated women close to my height/weight. Is there something I am missing out on by not dating women much shorter than me? It’s clearly the norm and yes, I am bitter, but just thought I’d ask.
Had a decent night and did NOT go to bed as soon as I got home even though i was feeling crummy and wanted to succumb. “Just one more thing” seemed to help. Walk the dog then one more thing…OK tidy the back porch then one more thing…OK read a couple pages…OK wash the dishes…etc etc. Feeling more like myself this morning.
Guy I’ve been seeing is picking me up from work today. Maybe I’ll tell him how I’ve been feeling about “us”. Or maybe I’ll just leave it be 🤷♀️
It’s been over 10 months with my boyfriend and we see each other 3 times a week but man I still get so giddy and excited to see him still, we’re going for dinner tonight and I’m currently sat at work bursting with excitement to see his face 😅
I hope this feeling never goes
Having now my First birthday in a while where i wasn’t seeing someone or was actively dating.
It’s silly to say, but i kinda miss even the happy birthday text from a romantic interest
In a quandary and presenting a question to the room for answers, because I’m sure at least one of us has also navigated this situation before. Even though it’s new to me.
How do you get over someone you briefly connected with who is unavailable for the kind of relationship you want with them, when your normal self-soothing activities aren’t doing the trick and you don’t feel like you have the energy nor desire to date others?
I’m decently attractive, compelling, independent, nonmonogamous. It’s not hard for me to find dates/hookups, but people I actually want to spend time with are few and far between. The chemistry I experienced with this person is on a completely different level, despite all of the other ways in which we’re wrong for each other (among which geographical logistics are a prominent piece of the pie). And that makes me want to keep him, but he’s not able to be kept or even held still. I suspect he secretly might want it, and isn’t willing to admit that to himself, but my higher self reminds me that it doesn’t matter what’s going on behind the scenes. You have to take people at their word, even if you don’t believe them.
So what to do with these feels and move on with my life, when I’ll invariably keep getting mad at myself for comparing everyone else I meet to him as time goes on?
Just a vent, but I’m so frustrated with “fading away” being the norm in dating. We’re in our 30’s, there’s no reason to not send a short, succinct message saying you don’t want to pursue any thing further. Even when I give them an opportunity to end it, they don’t take it. I then end up having to call time a few days or weeks later. I completely understand that it’s uncomfortable, but a few minutes of discomfort beat dragging something out that doesn’t need to be.
I’m 39m and recently got back into the dating scene. Admittedly I live in a smaller metro area of 1m people but I was still shocked.
I paid for Tinder Plat and set my profile to what I thought was maybe too generous, 28-43 year olds within 61 miles. I’m not exaggerating when I say that it took me less than three hours to go through every single profile in my area. I was pretty shocked.
Then I switched to Bumble and, learning my lesson over the wasted $50, paid $5 for unlimited likes, and it didnt last three hours either.
I’m not going to pretend that I read through every profile with a fine toothed comb but I did pay enough attention to swipe left on ones that did not have what I’m looking for, and not just shotgun every pretty girl.
Its been about a week now and I’d say when I turn Tinder on in the morning there’s maybe 5-10 new profiles to look at.
I had no idea it was this bleak out there. I feel like I’m too old to go hang around bars at 10pm and even then I’d feel like I’m the wrong age.
I did get two dates out of it, one off each app, and I thought they went well but the women also had some red flags. Whats with people sharing their long list of medical problems on the first date? Is that a new thing now? Like look these are my problems up front?
How do you ease the pressure on yourself? I’m still not over my last relationship even thoug I ended it more than half a year ago after some serious psychological abuse, and at the same time, I *know* I should be actively dating all the time just to maximize my chances to find happiness again. But there have been so many concurrent changes in my life that it’s just… exhausting. Like, another task I have to keep up with even though my head is filled to the brim with other things. And I know that just living your life does jack shit, because living my life does not involve letting new people in. I want stability. Yet at the same time, I can’t get too used to this because I don’t want to get too fond of a life I have to give up again when entering a relationship. Today is one of those days where it feels like I just… fucked it all up. Drove it against a wall. All that’s left is picking up the pieces – little by little.
Why is it there is are SO many relationships where partners are with people who are lazy, cheaters, argumentative, manipulative, boring, moaners, never want to make fun plans etc. And yet I struggle so hard to find anyone. Everywhere I look I see posts on here about awful partners who won’t do anything for their other half. Or I hear stories from friends etc who are with people who are miserable.
It seems people with their lives grounded, who have love to give/are emotionally intelligent are flat out ignored. Nothing adds up in life.
Hi guys. Feel like am in a rut again. And ice cream won’t help. One of the things that’s bugging me is that i should try dating again bc if I defer it, my new projected timeline to have a family will be moved to 40. Am 32 now, in the middle of a career shift and is still building my foundations. Getting to know compatibility and long term fit will take time… and it would be nice to be building with someone sooner than later. And the older I get the lesser chances I have of finding someone given the city where am living in. Just wanted to be heard. Thanks for reading ❤️
Hi guys. Feel like am in a rut again. And ice cream won’t help. One of the things that’s bugging me is that i should try dating again bc if I defer it, my new projected timeline to have a family will be moved to 40. Am 32 now, in the middle of a career shift and is still building my foundations. Getting to know compatibility and long term fit will take time… and it would be nice to be building with someone sooner than later. And the older I get the lesser chances I have of finding someone given the city where am living in. Just wanted to be heard. Thanks for reading ❤️
A week ago, I broke up with a girl because she wouldn’t make a full commitment to our relationship that lasted about 4 months. I told her that I was intending to go no contact with her, and her response was basically “for how long? I want to get in touch again.” Strange.
Today she texted me “I’m trying to respect your space so do not expect a reply. I am thinking about you, and this morning I especially missed our coffee dates. I wish timing was on our side. Have a great day. Love you always.”
What’s DOT’s opinion on how to respond?
i exchanged racy pics with a guy from tinder that i was seeing for a few months. long story short, we’d had lots of good convo, did meet in-person, and went on some dates. but things turned sour the more i learned about him over time. it is absolutely NOT a match for me.
he’s been arrested and gone to jail for assault, has no custody of a child, has emotional issues, etc.
since i’ve deleted a large majority of our past text convo, i don’t know *exactly* what all i’d sent, but i’ll say that i’m fairly certain my face isn’t showing in any “exposed” photos and i am not ashamed of my body so much in the ones where my face is showing (wearing underwear/not nude). ideally, don’t want either on the internet, of course. and i realize this was clearly a mistake to do, yes.
i’m becoming concerned now more about my physical safety than the leaking of any pictures. despite me eventually being clear on the phone about no longer being interested (after trying other tactics), he’s continued to constantly contact me. phone calls and texts. i’d blocked his number and social media accounts. but he just gets new numbers to contact me from. someone suggested that i unblock the original number so i can effectively collect his messages and also mute the contact (which i can’t do with random numbers until i receive the first contact). i don’t have a ton of back messages, but i do have a few weeks worth now. the rest might be available through my carrier? i’m becoming concerned because he’s said he’s going to come and see me. i don’t think he knows where i live. but he could find out somehow and show up or find out where i work and show up.
because of his past with violence and restraining orders, plus the fact that he’s a competitive body-builder/weight lifter whose on steroids, i’m becoming increasingly concerned about my safety. though he has not yet threatened to hurt me or post images, he did send me a picture of myself that i’d previously sent to remind me he had the material. not sure what’s going through his head that this would make me want to date him… but here we are.
i reported his tinder profile awhile back. is there anything i can do to protect myself digitally and/or physically? i’ve posted this in the legal advice sub as well and this is clearly a throwaway account. i’d appreciate any *constructive* advice. yes, i know the pictures were a mistake. i have to live with that potential consequence, but am more concerned about my physical safety at this point.
Met someone I have amazing chemistry with, but it turns out I have no libido left after 5+ year long dry spell. I think I’m gonna end it to avoid getting hurt and take a long break from dating.
At the risk of annoying the hell out of everyone, I’ve had 3 amazing dates and a sleepover with a guy. He makes me feel so safe and cherished, and we are so silly together. The sex has been mindblowing right off the bat.
I don’t feel anxious or confused because he’s been so consistent and attentive. I know it’s early but this whole thing feels a bit different. I feel like I’m starting to fall for him already and that terrifies me a bit.
I posted a few days ago about this guy being so depressed that he can’t offer me much. When I told him maybe we should take some time for ourselves, he turned around in 24 hours and asked to see me so we could talk. It ended up being an amazing talk where I laid everything out on the table and he acknowledged his mistakes. He even held space for me to talk about what’s going on in my life (I’m a bit depressed too). And even though I was adamant that we didn’t have sex that day, we did do a lot of kissing and cuddling that seemed to bring us closer together. A few days later and it seems like he’s turning his mindset around (so far). I’m optimistic but also weary that he might spiral and hurt me again.
I think the best method is to take it slow… right? I want to keep seeing him but I don’t want this to become a codependent relationship where he relies on me to feel good about himself. And I told him that I can’t be his crutch.
But the connection between us… it feels real and powerful.
Not counting vacation or whatever. How many days have you gone without texting your bf/gf? Not saying you’re in a fight but have you ever gone say 3 days without talking just cause?
I’m seeing a bad texter. It’s absolutely draining as I usually am keen to text silly stuff and express my feelings(both good and bad) rather than being silent. Now it’s bothering my sleep(it’s almost 2am here) and making me feel emptiness and bit insecure.
I already addressed this before but I guess….. bad texter can be one of compatibility issues?
Had a first date yesterday, I thought it went well, but there was a moment like 20 minutes in where I noticed she like clammed up and got very quiet and like checked the time. I was kinda panicking in my head if I had said something wrong, but I think it was just me observing her getting the ick or whatever. I kept the energy and convo up after that and seemed to get her energy back, but I think i have a good sense of these things because today got a text saying “nice convo, but convo didn’t flow the way I wanted it to to be motivated for another date”. We exchanged a few more messages and she basically wants to focus on her self and stop dating since she’s not enjoying the process due to past experiences. Then I asked if she wanted to be friends and she said yes. We didn’t kiss or anything so hopefully genuinely can be friends. I’ve never really asked that before and makes me wonder about past connections if friendship was a possibility. So many dates this past year and zero new friends. I’m usually the one getting rejected so kinda feel like it’s not my place to initiate friendship. Maybe kissing makes it not a possibility and there’s a recent dumping for me where I had big feels so actual friendship wouldn’t be possible in that case and also wasn’t offered. So here’s to a new friend!
Other than that been healing from that dumping I mentioned which is slow going. Was a “you’re amazing, kind, attractive, thoughtful, great sex, but no spark” type thing so that’s been hard and confusing. It’s a bit frustrating to still be hung up on it, it was short term, but long enough where no spark didn’t really make sense as a reason and for me was the best connection I’ve had, so it’s been super disappointing and hard to move on. And nothing negative happened, still in honeymoon for me… We definitely sparked, but alas. I’m trying new hobbies, therapy, putting myself out there. Had a quick convo with a cutie at the dog park the other day, but I don’t think she was interested since she didn’t linger to converse haha. Going to a concert solo tonight will try and talk to some people. Doing first time at a running club checking out a kickboxing club later in the week. Trying to fill out my schedule so busy most evenings, maybe make new friends or meet someone IRL. Anyways, Always enjoy reading the stories here, so thought I’d share my own. It’s hard out there lol
I always feel like I’m terrible at meeting people. If I find them attractive then there must be something wrong with them, if they find me attractive then there *really* must be something wrong with them. I know the answer is therapy/self love/ stop looking, it’s just exhausting feeling like this. My friends (male and female) tell me I’m amazing, but I have severe RBF and that is intimidating to men, so that’s why I never get approached. Being 39F doesn’t help because people assume I want marriage/babies and that can’t be further from the truth, but good luck convincing anyone of that (I’m a sterilized widow). I hate this age range and I can’t wait for it to be over. /Rant over