As stated. Daughters POS husband slept around on her, she left him and moved in with me in ’22 bringing two special needs kids under 2. They run her ragged, and she’s given into whatever will get them to stop crying, meaning no fixed sleep schedule, eating junk because she won’t do what it takes to make them eat healthy, potty training, and weaning.
She also doesn’t really stop her kids from trashing my house. I’ve taken over a lot of the discipline and other harder aspects of rearing her children.
When she left baby daddy, he kept their car. I was in a position at the time to help her get a replacement, as she wasn’t working, I bought the car. Same with the car insurance thing, I’m paying.
Her mother died when she was 12 and I took full custody of her and her siblings. My kids didn’t handle her death well and I kinda raised them with kid gloves, much to their determent.
Of my 3 children she, the oldest, was always difficult. Quick to blame others for her problems, and unable to accept responsibility for her actions.
She was a mediocre housekeeper in high school, same mediocre now. I’ve joked with others that she inherited the worst traits her mother and I had.
Housing, feeding and clothing an extra three people is expensive. When I recently told her she needed to get a job so she could take over her car insurance, she convinced my parents to put her car on their insurance and they’d take that responsibility. I told her I have no issues watching her kids in the evenings so she can work.
To qualify for daycare credits, my state has mandated a 30 hour a week.
While I love her and my grandkids, I think l’ve been accommodating long enough.
I’ve created this monster and don’t really know how to get out of it, and input is appreciated.
tl;dr what’s a good way to force an adult child to take responsibility for themselves?