I (36M) just broke up with my fiancée (38F) of 3 years. I felt that we were very different people (she grew up in a different country, and came here 8 years ago). We have barely anything in common, but we never fought and still had our dumb jokes, couple moments and it was nice. About a year ago she wanted to get married. I already had this feeling but our relationship was extremely comfortable and I was scared to be alone so I reluctantly agreed, thinking with time it would go away and I would love her 100%.
I bought a house (in my name, she has her own for her parents) and we moved in together. We settled in, and things were OK as I tried to accept the future. But as the clock ticked down I got even more uncertain. I delayed the wedding trying to buy more time and we also had a trip planned so I strung her along even more. Before I knew it we were booking our venue, taking wedding photos, and meeting her extended family.
I didn’t have the strength or courage to tell her directly. I knew it would devastating for her so I kept digging the hole, giving clues to my internal thoughts hoping she would break up with me. It finally came to a head a few weeks ago and she understood that we were done.
She took it surprisingly well, we both cried and reminisced about our time together. Told me to take care of the house (she picked it out after all) and to water her plants. She packed her things that day and now I sit alone in an empty home too big for one person. I haven’t talked to her in a few weeks since it happened. I don’t know what I would even say, but I miss her and I see her all over the house.
I feel I made the right decision but all the emotions and the voice in my head that compelled me to leave her are gone and all I’m left with is regret and guilt of destroying our future together. I wasted all the time, effort, and money she put into us. She had to move back with her parents and start over at 38 and the shame and embarrassment to her family that I caused.
I am fearful of the future. I dread starting over myself and getting back out there. I just feel old and tired and I never had the best of luck with getting relationships. She was only the 2nd long-term relationship I had and best one at that. I don’t trust myself to know what I even want and now doubt if it was worth trading the comfort, familiarity and security for the prospect of someone more compatible in culture and interests but dice roll on everything else. No one is perfect. What is good enough?
I just feel lost and depressed and I don’t know what to do.
TL;DR:
Broke up with fiancée after realizing lack of shared interests and full commitment despite a comfortable relationship. Struggled with decision, leading to guilt and regret after ending things. Now feeling lost, fearful of the future, and questioning whether the breakup was worth losing the comfort and security of the relationship.