My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 years and, sure, we’ve had our ups and downs but overall it’s a great relationship. We have good communication, shared values, a similar vision for our future, push each other to be better, and the sex is good etc. However, I have never felt physically attracted to him. I’m attracted to him in all other ways so I thought my physical attraction to him would grow but this isn’t the case. It’s been 6 years and he’s only gotten better looking, but I’m still not attracted to him. He dresses better now, goes to to the gym, has a slightly better haircut, and is trying to eat healthier, so even all the “quick fixes” haven’t made a difference. Of course I think he looks better now, and I never thought he was ugly, in fact, I think he’s quite cute, but I’ve never found him hot or handsome. Because of this, I rarely initiate sex which makes him feel insecure even though the sex is good and I’m into it once we get started.
I love everything else about him, so I feel extremely shallow and selfish for not finding him physically attractive/wanting him to be more attractive. I know no relationship is perfect so it seems irrational to end a great relationship just because I lack physical attraction. But this lack of attraction (perhaps coupled with the fact that I’ve never been with anyone else romantically/sexually) makes me think about being with other people and I can’t help but think there’s someone I could have an equally great relationship with who I’m also physically attracted to. I know a lot of people might say this is, of course, possible, but my boyfriend really is amazing. I can’t imagine meeting anyone else as great as him and as compatible with me as him (not to say that we are perfectly compatible ofc). He’s the funniest person I’ve ever met (and many people say the same), intelligent, very outgoing/great with people, and one of the most caring and forgiving people I know. But despite all this, my thoughts still wander to others.
He is an amazing person and we have a great relationship, so it seems wrong to end things just because of something as shallow as physical attraction. But I worry that my mind will never stop wandering. Obviously, no one can tell me whether to break up with him or not. I just want advice on what you think the future will look like with a lack of physical attraction and on what you think about staying in a relationship that pretty much ticks all the boxes except (a major) one. Am I setting my standards too high by thinking about a relationship that ticks all the boxes?
TLDR: I’ve been with my boyfriend for 6 years and it’s a great relationship and I am attracted to him in all ways except physically. Even the sex is good but because I’m not physically attracted to him, I never initiate it, which makes him insecure. Is our future doomed because of this lack of physical attraction? Am I setting my standards too high by thinking about a relationship that ticks all the boxes, even though I feel like physical attraction is a major box to not tick?