I’ll try to make this as short as I can so I don’t bore you guys.
I have anxiety at times due to past trauma of getting cheated on by my ex with a close friend of mine. I’m currently actively going to therapy to talk about this, but in my most recent session I didn’t talk about it as much since it really felt like my relationship with my girlfriend has been amazing for months.
When my girlfriend and I were only dating for about 6 months she mentioned she was going to have dinner with this guy friend of hers that she went to college with. That was the context I was given, just a regular friend that she wanted to have one last dinner with before she flew off to to New York. Fast forward 2 years later, he flies to New York for work. For 3 days he was there, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday my girlfriend toured him around New York. From tourist sites to bars. She’d start the day with him around 10 AM and then finish around 2 AM. We got into an argument over this since I was under the impression he was just a regular friend/classmate but she went above and beyond for him. Don’t get me wrong I think it’s amazing if someone is willing to spend that much time to show someone around, but I could be really small minded, it just seemed a great amount of time to invest for someone that was a regular friend. I tried my best to just think of it in a way where she’s trying her best to be a good host to someone visiting NYC for the first time.
Fast forward another year and we’re here now in present day. I think for me, I ultimately would’ve said ok to it despite the discomfort. I think knowing there’s some history with the same guy (history as in we got into an argument involving the same individual), I think for me I would’ve appreciated it if she reached out to me first asking if I was comfortable with it. Knowing her personality, she’d get mad if I said no, so I would’ve just said yes and appreciated her consulting with me first anyways.
So the way she explained it to me, she’ll be out of town so he’s going to be sleeping in her bed while she’s gone. There is one day where she’ll be back and he’s there as well.
It’s hard for me to talk about this more with her in depth because she honestly just gets annoyed right away when I bring it up. My friend thinks it’s weird that she isn’t putting in more effort to reassure me, but instead using an angry approach to settle the differences, even weirder that she didn’t give a heads up of the possibility before making the decision.
What do you guys think? Am I being too overly anxious over nothing. I want to be as respectful as I can, and through my therapy sessions I’ve been taught to not act upon emotion and just settle down first and brainstorm the emotions.
TL;DR: Never met this guy. LDR girlfriend goes above and beyond for him. He’ll sleep over at her place. I feel anxious and not respected. Am I over reacting?
Thanks for any input, I really appreciate it!