My wife and I have been married for close to 3 years but have been together going on 13. Everything in our relationship is fine with the occasional ups and downs and disagreements any relationship has.
The past two years I feel I have been going down a dark path of p0rn addiction. It’s gotten to a point where I no longer find things I like or am looking for so I would message people I know if they could send me a video. My one addiction is smoking fetish where I like to see women smoke a cigarettes
Anyway last year I asked a friend I’ve known since I was a kid and who is in a relationship as equally long as mine for a video of her smoking a cigarette. She obliged because I’ve had deaths in my life and she said she wanted to do something for me that makes me happy.
I sent her money through Venmo like an idiot so she could send me the video immediately, grant if I was highly intoxicated, which I know does not make it any better or is a great excuse. As months pass I idiotically asked her for another video and when I was blackout drunk sent her another Venmo. This time, her fiancé caught wind of it
He question her and she made an excuse that made things go away. Recently he looked at her messages and Venmo and I think their engagement is off. Their Facebook goes from being friends to not, relationship status back and forth. I feel I may have broken up their engagement and I feel horrible about it
I’ve been looking up seeking help for p0rn addiction, possibly giving up drinking, all the above. The weight of this is so heavily on me, it’s all I think about. While I think they may have had other problems in their relationship, I don’t want to be responsible for a relationship to end, I want to tell my wife but I don’t know how to tell her this. I deleted all kind of content from my phone, haven’t contacted the friend in over 2 months, and am worried about the future.
Any advice would be great on how to move forward and what to do. Thank you