I saw a good deal on a nice hotel in a city both me and my gf love visiting. The deal was for a weekend stay with all meals included, 1 spa treatment each day and a bottle of wine on arrival. It was pretty expensive but I thought it would be a good treat for my gf.

I mentioned it to her before booking since it was non refundable and she said she wanted to go. We picked a date where we knew we were free and I booked it. A week before we were due to go, my girlfriend said she didn’t think she wanted to go away anymore.

I asked why and she just said she wasn’t really feeling it and that she was sorry. She said we’d need to cancel it. I was annoyed and mentioned to her that it was non refundable so I expect her to pay me for the money I’ve lost.

She refused and said I had decided to book it but I pointed out I only booked it once she confirmed she actually wanted to do it. I said I shouldn’t lose money because she’s decided to just change her mind so I expect her to transfer me the money.

She accused me of making everything about money but I just repeated that I shouldn’t lose money because she’s decided to change her mind. How would you handle this?

tl;dr I booked a nice weekend away for me and my gf after confirming with her she wanted to do it. She then cancelled last minute causing me to lose the money so I told her I expected to be reimbursed. She said I was making it all about money and she shouldn’t have to pay me. How would you handle this?

35 comments

  1. 1) Perhaps go without her or take a friend.
    2) If you went and it was not cancelled, would you when made her pay half?

  5. Leave her, take someone else, a friend or brother and enjoy your stay. Post photos of yourself with them all over your social media captioning the best vacation ever! That’d be satisfying, trust me!👍

  6. I would be asking her what is going on, I think there is more to this than meets the eye. Maybe she is thinking of breaking up with you? Or something is seriously bothering her. I’d be asking her about this, rather than demanding money. The real and most important issue here is why she’s done a 180 and doesn’t want to go on a lovely expensive (free for her) trip with you
 not about whether she reimburses you. The money is then secondary imo

  7. Take someone else why does she not want to go I’m sure she made plans with someone else

  8. Dude
. what woman in a relationship says no to this weekend getaway without reason?! Just because “not feeling it”? Really? Bro, that’s some BS right there and a sign that she’s not into you and this relationship as much as you think she is. She then has the audacity to blame you for it and make it about “money” instead of looking at the big picture! DUMP HER!!!

  9. Go by yourself, have a good time and refuse to pay for another thing, even dinner, until she pays you back for her portion of the trip.

  11. I think the bigger question is why did she cancel on you?

    If it really was lack of care, I’d recommend breaking up and chalking the cost to a good lesson.

    If it’s because of an issue in the relationship, you may want to consider that.

    Either way, still go away on the weekend, either with a friend or solo.

  12. That sucks. I’m not sure you can make her pay, but I wouldn’t want to stay with someone who pulled something like that.

  14. She doesn’t value the cost of things and is very inconsiderate and rude. You explained to her it was non-refundable and spent time picking out open dates. Now she is turning it against you and not accepting responsibility for her actions. You did this for her and she basically took a crap on it and is accusing you of caring only about money. Don’t do anything special for her again.

  15. I think you have to ask yourself “is this something you want to happen in the future.” You live together so I assume you envision being with her forever. This is an indicator of her values and morals. If nothing has changed in your relationship like you state in one of your comments then she isn’t being fair to you, in my opinion. She has given you no reason why she doesnt want to go on what sounds like a lovely trip, which suggests she doesnt value you enough to give you a good reason. I would have a serious talk about her feelings about you both as a couple and if the answers dont align with what you want to hear I think its time to move on.

  16. 1. it is my gf. I offer the City trip. the money is lost anyway. it is the trip that is wasted. So I would not ask for the money back.

    2. She proved untrustworthy. There won’t be another trip until SHE paid for an equivalent City trip or such activity.

    2. If I feel it was intentional, I ‘ll sit her to talk about that gambit. I could reconsider the relation. there is no couple if there is no trust. (NB : It may be her plan from the start).

  17. Take your best guy friend or brother. Post pics doing overly very romantic things, tag her so she definitely sees them. Return home, break up with her. Why? Because ADULTS take obligations and responsibilities seriously, even the fun ones! And if for someone reason we are unable to fulfill an obligation, we correct the situation through meaningful actions or repayment of some kind.

    Do you get it? She failed the trial run for permanent lady in your life and feels entitled to your money.

    🙃

  18. Is this really someone you want to keep as a GF?

    She is a complete asshole to you, doesn’t take any form of responsibility, and gaslights you into “making everything about money”. If it’s really not about the money, what’s stopping her from being an adult and paying you half of the trip?

    She agreed before you made the reservations, knowing full well it’s non refundable. Her behaviour as described in this post would have been an absolute dealbreaker for me.

  19. Mmmmmm something else seems to be happening under the surface here with the girlfriend. Why would she suddenly pull out of going

  20. She randomly cancels without an explanation and she doesn’t care that you wasted money. Yeah drop her.

  21. Everyone on here has lost their freaking minds.

    Your gf is being an asshole for pulling out of nonrefundable plans with no explanation besides that she’s not feeling it. That is hugely disrespectful and just fluffing rude on several levels, not just the money aspect.

    I think you should consider that your relationship is probably over. Frankly, if your gf thinks her behavior is justified then you are better off without her.

  22. OP either go by yourself and enjoy it or bring a friend with you. You paid for the trip for you and your gf, she doesn’t want to go, so stand your ground and go. You told her it’s non refundable. If she’s not sick or dealing with something where she needs you, go on the trip.

  24. Just as an aside… sometimes, non refundable bookings can be amended. You could try call the location and see if you can move it to a month or so away? 

    Then, if she still doesn’t wanna go, either go with a friend, go alone or gift it to someone like your mum/dad/family member? 

  25. Cancelling a trip without giving a proper reason other than “I don’t fell like it” is not okay, it’s immature, especially when she’s been made aware it’s non refundable. What do you think her reaction would be if she planned a date and spent money and you cancelled last minute? Her reaction will tell you whether she just doesn’t care because it’s your money or if she doesn’t care about money in general.

    There’s also the option that something else has come up that she prioritizes more than a weekend with you which is also disheartening for your relationship, depending on what it is. There’s still a possibility she has a good reason but is not ready to tell you. As for the money I would not ask for more than half but as others suggested the better option is to go yourself and bring someone else and see if you can rearrange rooms etc. so it’s not as couple oriented.

    I also wouldn’t spend any more money on her for the time being, next major trip is on her if you’re still together after this incident.

  26. I would go either on my own or invite a friend. The relationship would end. I don’t let people play with my money.

  27. There are couple of things.

    First, i will put the needle on you; I’d wish that you made it clear to her that if she does not come or change her mind, it’ll be a burden on you and she needs to pay her half. That way, you could make yourself a bit more clear (although I don’t think that it was not vague anyways).

    Secondly, I think it’s kind a bit “warning sign” that your girlfriend does not go to a vacation. I think there is a hidden reason behind there and I am not sure what.

    Thirdly, you should definitely go to the vacation by yourself, ideally with another friend. Just enjoy yourself.

    But really, something is really fishy that she cancels a nice trip… dig there, i’m pretty sure you’ll find something.

  28. Op, does your girlfriend have any disorders? Anxiety and depression can cause this kind of behavior.

  29. That would be a dealbreaker for me. I would not be compatible with someone who cancels on a trip because they’re “not feeling it”.

    And if I cancelled on someone, I would definitely offer to reimburse them. It’s a dick thing to do. They made plans, kept the dates free and they’re anticipating the event. The money really is the least of the issue and the least you can offer for the inconvenience.

  30. This isn’t about money as she said.   This is about agreeing to something and then flaking out at the last minute leaving you to hold the bag 

    Huge red flag.  I’d have serious second thoughts about being with someone who treated me so poorly 

  31. Is she actually your girlfriend or is this someone you were starting a new relationship with? Call the hotel and ask if you can move the dates out or take some sort of voucher for another time.

  32. >How would you handle this?

    I’d go anyway and see if a friend wanted to join.

    I’d also reconsider this relationship.

  33. You’re losing your money, your weekend away, and also you’re about to be single.

  34. Just jumping on the “go without her” bandwagon. That’s 100% what I would do. I’d find a friend/relative to take and I’d make sure I had a great time and I would post pictures on social media showing us having that great time. And then when I got home I would not mention a single word to her about it and if she asked, I’d say “oh yes, it was great” and leave it at that.

    And the next time the two of you plan a similar trip, I’d ask her to pay for it upfront and you’ll reimburse her once you get to the destination. (This is not even tongue in cheek, this is what I would do “sorry but given what happened last time I’m not prepared to risk my money until I know I’m definitely going on the trip, ie I’m actually there, so if you want to go, you have to put the money up to start with”).

  35. how I would handle this, I would go myself and take a mate have an enjoyable weekend. The money is gone, and asking for it back lets her side step the real issue.

    Then I would really try to drive into what “not feeling it” actually means.

    My guess is she believed you would have some expectations of how the time would be spent and she didn’t want to spend time like that. I think she atleast owes you a real reason.

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