Hi, forgive me if I write things in a weird way, English is not my first language. My wife (28F) and I (30M) have been married for 7 years. We have a 5 year old daughter. 9 months ago, I got laid off from work. I found a new job, but it paid half the amount of cash my previous work did. My wife was a stay at home mom, ever since our daughter was born, before that, she studied history in university. She wanted to be a history teacher, but she dropped out when she got pregnant. She wanted to return to university when our daughter turns 7 and starts going to school. We were (I think) both very happy with each other, always respected the others choices, and we supported each other in everything. When I got laid off, we got into a financially difficult situation, and my new job, as I said, paid like shit. My wife had to find work. She found a very well payih job as an administrative assistant at a small company.
After the job interview, she told me she was a little creeped out by the boss, but he basically told her, she’s got the job. Her pay check was better than mine, so our financial situation got better. After the first month, my wife started complaining about her job. She started mentioning, that her boss, Mark (42M) is very weird and told me she doesn’t like him. After a while, she complained that his behaviour is not appropriate, when I asked her about it, she told me he started calling her “gorgeous” and “beautiful” and “sweetheart”. She said she told him to call her by her name, but he just laughed it off as a joke, and called her “ice queen”. My wife’s ranting became daily by the end of the year. She told me Mark is flirting with her non stop, and she wants to leave the job, but I told her she can’t do that. I told her my current job is not a dream either, but we need to endure it for our daughter. She can’t throw away that pay check, or if she does, we are going to eventually lose the house. We agreed to look for another, similarly paying job, but we didn’t find one. Everything required experience and a degree, neither of which my wife had.
In February, my wife told me her boss will be going abroad on a business trip in March. She told me it’s very important for the company, Mark wants to make some valuable connections, and he told her she needs to be there. She ranted all day, told me she doesn’t want to spend a 3 day work trip with her boss. I asked her how many of them are going, she told me it’s going to be her, Mark, and 9 other coworkers.
After they landed, we talked. They were booking a very expensive hotel. They had very nice looking bedrooms, and a living room connecting them to the hallway. She sent me pictures, it really looked beautiful. At the end of the first day, she told me she is enjoying herself, and so far, Mark has been bearable. She only wished we could be there together. On the second day, she told me they are going on a very important conference. Honestly, I didn’t understand half of what she was saying, but I wished her good luck. She called me at 6 pm, told me the conference has been a great success, and Mark wants to celebrate. She told me she’s not in the mood to party, and that she’ll go to her room, as soon as possible, and then we’ll talk. I told her to have fun, but she didn’t sound too happy, regardless. She never called, so I texted her later, but she didn’t answer.
She only responded to my messages the next day, apologized, told me she didn’t notice my texts, because she got drunk. I wanted to call her, but she told me she feels like shit, and will call me, when she feels better. She called me a few hours later, and told me they celebrated too hard, she has a hangover and feels awful. Her voice sounded shaken, I asked her if she is fine, she told me everything is fine, but I could tell by her voice, that something was bothering her. When she came home, I asked her what happened, she told me she didn’t want to be rude, and had a drink, but it hit her hard, and the next day she just had a bad hangover.
After that, she became really weird. She randomly bought me presents, and kept telling me how she loves me, all the time. I also caught her crying in the kitchen one time, and she refused to tell me why. She also stopped talking about her boss. Before the trip, she always ranted about him, but after the trip, she didn’t even mention him anymore. When I asked about him, she always changed the subject.
Yesterday, someone wrote to me. I asked her who she was, because I didn’t know her. She said her name is Lena, and she is Mark’s wife. She told me Mark cheated on her with my wife. I didn’t really know what to say, I didn’t want to believe her. She told me she found these on Mark’s phone, then sent me 3 videos. She told me to watch them.
On the first video, Mark was recording my wife, sitting in that living room with the others. Mark started flirting with my wife, but she made it pretty obvious she is not interested. Then room service arrived with drinks, and everyone started drinking. My wife didn’t want to drink, but Mark handed her a special cocktail he ordered just for her, and told her she can’t refuse it. My wife noticed the camera, and asked Mark to stop recording her. The video ends there.
The next video must have been taken a lot later, because the entire room has changed. They were still in the living room, but everyone was super drunk, especially my wife. She unbuttoned her blouse, let down her hair, and even took off her glasses, which she normally never does. While her tone was formal with Mark on the first video, on the second one, she was giggling at his jokes, and was also teasing him in a playful manner. She was heavily slurring her words, so I couldn’t understand everything she said, but their flirting went WAY BEYOND inappropriate. All through this, my wife was playing with her hair, which I know she only does, when she’s in the mood. At the end, my wife asked Mark, if he’s taking a picture of her, after noticing the camera. He said yes. She then puckered her lips and got into a very provocative pose, and that’s where the video ends. I guess he stopped recording to take a picture.
The last video was where I had to vomit, though. My wife was in a bedroom, stripping her clothes off for Mark. She was very clumsy, it looked like she even had trouble standing straight. It’s a very long video, I couldn’t stomach to watch all of it. Mark put the phone next to the bed, and recorded himself having sex with my wife. My wife never moaned like that when she was with me, and did things with Mark that she NEVER did with me, because “she didn’t like it”. I guess she meant she didn’t like it with me. I asked Mark’s wife, why would her husband record this. She said, because he’s a sick bastard, then told me she is going to divorce him, and that she is sorry that I have to go through this.
I asked my wife about the trip. I gave her a chance to tell me, but she didn’t tell me anything, and was trying to change the subject again. I told her I know what she did. She got upset, asked me what I know, and I told her I know that she cheated on me with her boss. She started shaking, and told me I don’t understand what happened, she didn’t mean to hurt me, and she loves me. She told me to listen to her, but I refused. She ran into the bathroom crying, and locked herself in. I slept on the couch, but I couldn’t fall asleep.
Today, I listened to what she has to say. She told me they went to celebrate, she drank the expensive cocktail the boss ordered her, but it tasted awful, and had a weird aftertaste. She said she remembers the next few minutes, but after that nothing. The next thing she remembers is waking up naked in Mark’s room. Her clothes were all over the place, and there was a used condom on the ground. She said she felt disgusting, and had to vomit. She also said she had the worst headache she ever had. I showed her the videos, and she freaked out. She swore that she only remembers the first video, and looked genuinely shocked when I showed her the other two. She hadn’t eaten anything today. She wants me to forgive her, but I don’t know what to think, or what to do. She broke my heart, but even now, she is crying. Our daughter is old enough to understand that we have a problem, but can’t understand what the problem is, and I’m not sure how to tell her. I don’t know anything anymore. Either, my entire life was a lie, and she never loved me, or she made a drunken mistake, but she only drank one of those “expensive” cocktails, so she couldn’t have been that drunk. But then, how can she not remember? Sorry, for this wall of text, I probably shared way too much information, but I had to write this down, and I need someone’s opinion, who isn’t involved in this. I want to save our marriage, and our family, but I’m not sure how to deal with this, or make sense of why she did this to us.