I saw a good deal on a nice hotel in a city both me and my gf love visiting. The deal was for a weekend stay with all meals included, 1 spa treatment each day and a bottle of wine on arrival. It was pretty expensive but I thought it would be a good treat for my gf.
I mentioned it to her before booking since it was non refundable and she said she wanted to go. We picked a date where we knew we were free and I booked it. A week before we were due to go, my girlfriend said she didn’t think she wanted to go away anymore.
I asked why and she just said she wasn’t really feeling it and that she was sorry. She said we’d need to cancel it. I was annoyed and mentioned to her that it was non refundable so I expect her to pay me for the money I’ve lost.
She refused and said I had decided to book it but I pointed out I only booked it once she confirmed she actually wanted to do it. I said I shouldn’t lose money because she’s decided to just change her mind so I expect her to transfer me the money.
She accused me of making everything about money but I just repeated that I shouldn’t lose money because she’s decided to change her mind. Does anyone have any advice on how to handle this?
tl;dr I booked a nice weekend away for me and my gf after confirming with her she wanted to do it. She then cancelled last minute causing me to lose the money so I told her I expected to be reimbursed. She said I was making it all about money and she shouldn’t have to pay me.
32 comments
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I’d still go. Take a friend.
Now you know not to do these things for her.
“It’s not ‘all about money’, but you’re not even acknowledging that I spent money on something we both agreed to do, now you’re backing out so I’m out of pocket. Is that a fair description? Can you at least accept the facts of the situation, that your decision has left me worse off financially?” Wait for an answer, don’t let the conversation get off track.
Then: “OK, so you accept that you made a decision and now I’m out of pocket, and you have no interest in reimbursing me for money I’ve lost. Are you expecting me to be happy about that? Or just suck it up and laugh it off? Why do you think I should do that? It’s not all about the money, it’s that you don’t **care** that you’ve lost me money by changing your mind. So fine, don’t pay me back, but this leaves me resentful, and to be honest I think that’s a reasonable reaction. You changed your mind, I’m now poorer, and instead of making any effort at all to recognise that, you’re just complaining that I’m making it all about money. Well I’m complaining that you aren’t considering my feelings at all.”
I don’t think this is worth arguing about, because she doesn’t give enough of a shit to pay up, so why bother fighting? But the lack of care is the core issue. She’s pulled the plug, she’s left you worse off, she has no interest in making up for that, and instead of explaining why or saying she can’t afford it, or whatever, she’s then trying to turn it around on you and make out like you’re somehow in the wrong. What she’s doing is demonstrating a complete lack of consideration for you. **That’s** the problem.
So either a) she doesn’t care enough about you to acknowledge how this has affected you, whether she’ll pay her half or not, or b) she’s halfway out of the relationship anyway, and doesn’t want to go away with you, and is making shitty excuses. I’m struggling to think of a C.
My advice would be if nothing else just go by yourself! You’re out of pocket anyway, you might as well go, have a nice relaxing time to yourself, food, spa, whatever. And if she says she’ll come anyway if you’re going regardless…tell her no, she can’t come, she’s made her feelings clear and you’ve paid for it so you’ll go solo. Petty? A little bit. But not really, because she can’t flipflop and treat you the way she has and then expect everything to be magically OK.
And moving forwards, don’t pay for stuff. Don’t make plans. Tell her that this experience has left a bit of damage in your relationship, and she needs to be the one to fix it. Because why would you risk this same thing happening again?
The lesson you learned here is that she doesn’t respect your time, effort, or money. It’s not that she can’t go, sometimes that happens, it’s not even that she won’t pay you back. It’s that she won’t go, and gave you a lame ass excuse because she doesn’t think she even owes you a valid reason. Go anyway. Bring a friend. If you’re done with the relationship, and feeling petty, bring HER friend. (No, don’t do that, I was just kidding. It’s a bad idea for many reasons, even if you’re done with her). This isn’t the core problem. Spend your time away carefully thinking about what you want out of a relationship and trying to objectively evaluate what you’re getting in this one.
An easy way to get a new girlfriend is offering them a free weekend spa trip.
If you do stay, I would never spend a dime on this chick again until you get an apology.
Go with your mom or a friend.
It does sound like your gf doesn’t want to spend an intimate weekend with you. If she didn’t have a good reason to cancel I would have a serious discussion with her as It doesn’t seem like your gf appreciates you
Sounds like something is wrong in your relationship dude.
Go on the trip, take someone else. And when she’s upset about it or crying down the line how you never do anything for her like this, she can be reminded of how inconsiderate and unappreciative she was when you did.
It isn’t about the money, it is about respect and consideration.
Go and take her mother 🍆🤣
Can I just say, I’m really, really sorry she didn’t appreciate this gift and isn’t excitedly counting down the days because man, she should be. I *know* it wouldn’t be the same but can you take a friend, your mom, grandmom, aunt, cousin? Someone? Don’t just let it go to waste. At the very least, go by yourself but know that’s not as much fun. Hubby and I take weekend getaways but nothing this nice and I do all the planning. I’d be counting down the days, minutes and hours to a weekend like that and I’d be appreciating and excited every single second of it. I’m not going to say dump her but does this happen with her more than not?
Simple. Get a friend and go without her. Go have a great time. Enjoy the getaway and go.
Upon your return, start looking for a new girlfriend.
I’d break up with her, someone who is that callous about throwing away money that’s not theirs is giving all sorts of red flags, both because it’s hella disrespectful to you, and because it doesn’t sound like the actions of a financially responsible person. You can still go to the weekend away, maybe invite a friend of yours, but a solo weekend getaway is also pretty nice every once in a while. Regardless of what you do, go and enjoy those spa treatments
I’d be going without your girlfriend.
OP. Chill. Get some weed, bring a game console and get drinks at the hotel and go yourself.
Literally go yourself. It’s such a freeing experience to just be in a nice hotel for no reason sometimes. This is annoying what she’s done but it doesn’t even have to become a bigger issue bro just go alone, experience something different for once.
If she tries to stop you from going or doesn’t want you to go, THEN we have a problem.
But just go dude this is such an easy situation. I love being in new hotels solo, personally.
And funny enough when you end up going alone anyways, watch her potentially “magically” change her mind and can join you all of a sudden.
Go yourself and dare her to get in the way bro.
You don’t even need to bring a +1 just go alone like VIP.
Stop paying for her make her pay for herself when you all go out. If she complains remind her that money wasn’t an issue when it was out of your pocket so why is it an issue now?
Yep, go anyway…take a friend.
Sounds like you’re wasting your time with that one. I’d be more concerned as to what her reasoning is, if it’s just a spontaneous. “I don’t want to go anymore” That’s awkward as hell but what’s the real reason?? Sounds like something’s definitely missing from this story.
Take someone else! Family member, a friend, whoever! Do not let her waste your money and ruin your trip dude.
You should still go. If you can take someone else, do that.
I’m not sure who suddenly doesn’t “feel” like going to a spa. Is there more to this?
The bigger issue is that she is ready to break up. If I were you I’d just take the monetary loss and stop calling her.
Just tell her you’re still going.
Well it looks like this relationship has taken a bad turn
You have every right to request the money from her she agreed to the trip and that’s why you spent money on it.
However, I’d be more concerned about your relationship in general. She was getting a free trip with spa treatments in a city she loves visiting…and out of the blue she’s “not really feeling it”? I can’t see anything about the trip that would cause her to change her mind, so it’s something about you. She doesn’t want to go on a trip with you for some reason and that’s a problem.
The dis respect is ridiculous. Go on the trip. Even if you go alone. Use the time to plan your exit if you both live together.
She wants to go, she just doesn’t want to go with you. It’s that simple.
A nice treat like that and she waits until a week before, and then she’s “not feeling it”? How long have you been together? This sounds like she’s having doubts about doing special getaways like this with you in general. This is not a normal response or behavior by her in this situation.
Love how she says you are making everything all about money, when she clearly doe not care at all if YOU lose money. LOL
I feel like if someone tells you they’re not going on a planned prepaid trip with you because, “they’re not really feeling it,” they’re telling you they’re not your girlfriend any more.
Go on the trip alone or with someone else.
Going forward she has to book and pay for any future trips. She’s not responsible or reliable.
Let’s see if it’s just money when it concerns her funds.
Can you confirm whether your GF was explicitly told, and understood, that it was non-refundable before you made the booking?
If she was, then you are perfectly justified in expecting recompense.
If not, as she was unaware she was agreeing to a committed expenditure at that point, your stance seems harsh.
Step 1: Get a double bed and bring a pal/parent/sibling and have fun (or her best friend if you wana burn things down).
Step 2: seriously reevaluate this relationship. Not feeling it… I’d be livid.