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I hate when someone asks you out without making any actual plan. Is that too much to ask for these days? If you ask someone out do the admin. Lock it in!
Todays has gotten pissed off because I made alternative plans. But they only ever said Saturday. Not daytime/dinner/evening drinks, a location nothing. I don’t take a day as a plan. I’ve noticed this several times so far this year and guys are then acting shocked? Wtf. How low effort can you get.
Venting/advice appreciated.
Met a girl at the beginning of the month that instantly was super into. She’s smart, beautiful and successful in a career that aligns parallel with my own.
Initially she stopped responding to our Hinge conversation, and after a couple weeks I double texted and then she responded instantly, giving me her number and asking to take it off the app. I texted her and she called me and told me that texting/small talk gives her anxiety and she’s a calling girl. I loved that, but this also definitely gives her all the power. No response to a text? She’s a calling girl.
We scheduled a first date that night as she left for 3 weeks of travel the following day. I definitely felt a spark, which is so rare for me these days. Conversation flowed easily, and there was tons of practical alignment. We would hold eye contact for long pauses between speaking and I don’t know, it felt good!
Texted her the next day and said I wanted to see her again, she said I was cute and made her shy, I reciprocated and we went dark for two weeks. I traveled the last week as well for work so we both had our distractions. I texted her last week some photos from my travels and she did the same, we texted a bit more but she stopped responding. Again I double texted and she responded instantly “I’m home :)”
Called her and she enthusiastically talked about meeting up early next week. I had a painting in the park date planned but she is only available nights, so looks like another dinner/drinks thing which reads as so low effort for how much I like her but whatever. I think she feels that from me anyway. I just want her to feel like a priority for me, that my chase is authentic and not something I do for every woman. Honestly most girls if they were as aloof as her I would have stopped and wandered elsewhere. But she’s special.
She sound interested and just a little quirky communication-wise? Or is there a total chasm in terms of how into each other we are?
Briefly dated someone that I had a real connection with. He ended things because he was not ready for a relationship as he realized not recovered from divorce. All very predictable. The ending was really sudden and he left it with he wished he was in a different place and would connect when he was in a different place. He deleted his dating profile. A month later I see he is back on the app with the “figuring out what I am looking for” option. I should have known better that he was just letting me down easy but it really felt so different and honest and I had held out in the back of my mind that this could work out one day because it was a really
special connection. All to say this hurts more than the original ending. I feel like such an idiot.
Anyone think they’d have a good shot at finding someone if they started going to some smaller country music venues? Went to one last summer & went by myself so it was extremely difficult to “mingle” much less tell who was single & who wasn’t, although in my country gear I got quite a few looks. It would be way easier if I had a buddy to go with or planned something w/a girl to go there again. IMO as a single guy going out to almost anywhere, solo,, you stick out like a sore thumb most of the time.
Sometimes I *really* think the universe does actually bless certain people. I don’t know why though.
I’m really struggling with some residual anger, hurt, and rumination from Thursday, when my ex (30F) reached out to me (31M) on my birthday–6 months after she had blindsided me.
She wrote to me: “Happy birthday, [MY NAME]. I hope the year ahead is filled with fulfilling moments, adventure and health. Thinking of you. I just wanted to wish you as today is always connected to you in my mind. Have the best time xx”
Before she abruptly dumped me in November 2023, we had been together more than 3.5 years and had been living together. I saw her as the love of my life and the future mother of my children. I was planning to propose to her in the coming year. I miss my best friend every day.
Even though–on the surface–it seems like a nice gesture, the text made feel awful and ruined my mood for the rest of the day and beyond. Just a month prior I had a broken no-contact in a moment of weakness, expressing my love, well-wishes for her healing, and hope that someday she could come around to the possibility of repair. She basically told me that, as hard as this decision was and the love she has for me, it felt right for her. I acknowledged that I believed she needed to do what was best for her, but also got off my chest how hurtful the blindsiding had been–that the way it transpired FELT like a kind of betrayal and deceit and that I didn’t know what to trust about my understanding of the relationship. Basically, she knew I loved her, missed her, and wished her well. But she also knew how tormented and crushed I still was about losing her. In the aftermath of my outreach, it became abundantly clear to me just how important the maintenance of indefinite no-contact would be for my healing: no matter what nice things she says to me, nothing will change–and any interaction or exchange will activate heightened grief and sorrow. After all, it’s a reminder that she voluntarily chose to depart from your life and is out there–somewhere–in the world.
It just seems that her reaching out on my birthday was something she did for herself to relieve guilt for having hurt me. I know she takes the birthdays of friends and loved-ones seriously, as she cares deeply celebrating oneself on such a day. But sending the person who’s heart you crushed a reminder (wrapped in pseudo-magnanimous well-wishes) that you two will not be in each other’s lives is just insensitive and tone-deaf, especially as she knew from my last message how confused I still was as to what prompted her feelings to change. (She claimed that her decision had nothing to do with our love, just “timing” and our lives “moving at different rhythms.”) She also didn’t address, at all, the lack of coherent explanation for what happened or the fact she didn’t see any point to even trying to talk through or troubleshoot the concerns that bothered her about a speculative future together.
I know that she doesn’t owe me anything, but completely disregarding our preceding exchange and sending me this note, ending with “have the best time xx” is a knife twist. For her to so casually say that, as if I’m not in a world of hurt, makes me feel badly for still reeling from the breakup and makes it seem like she’s just over it.
Would greatly appreciate thoughts, perspective, and support. Thank you!
I think I may have over-estimated how interested this woman was in me. Not that I thought she was in love with me or anything, I just thought we’d have a bit more back and forth now that we’ve started chatting via social media.
She’s still coming out with our group on Sunday as far as I know, I guess I just over-read her excitement to go as a potential interest in spending more time together rather than only going for the activity itself. Gotta remember to temper my expectations now that I am back in the single/dating world. Oh well.
If you’re considering breaking up with someone, what is a reasonable amount of time to give the other person to move out? I own the place my partner and I live in, so me moving out is not an option, but I can stay with family for a few weeks although it’s a hellish commute to work. At the end of may I’ll be taking off 2 weeks to recover from surgery, so I figured I could add two weeks of annoying commuting to that and that’s a month of time to find a new place. Is that enough time?
I took myself out on a date last night, and somehow ended up on an impromptu “date” with the owner of the restaurant. We exchanged pleasantries, and before I knew it, he was sitting at my table. We talked for around an hour and had a great conversation. He did ask the dreaded question of why I’m single and even said that I shouldn’t be single (duh!). Near the end, he mentioned how much he wants kids, to which I made it clear to him my stance. He looked disappointed but offered to walk me to my car.
It’s just a little funny to me, because if I saw him on the apps, I would have swiped left based on his family plans. We would have never met. IRL, it took an hour for that to be filtered out. It was a nice conversation, regardless.
The encounter kind of boosted my self-confidence. Some people believe you need to be an extrovert and talk to everyone to be successful in dating/life. I am way more reserved, but there are people who “see” me, and when they give me a chance, they realize how friendly and likeable I am.
Conclusion: Be yourself. Authenticity is underrated. Take yourself on dates. Someone might notice you and hope they were on a date with you. Oh, and this is advice to myself, stop feeling bad about who you are. The right person will appreciate you.
Getting ready for a wedding next week and having some feelings about always being single at weddings 😔 ah well