UPDATE : https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/ER3OFp0cB0
Well, unfortunately most of you were right. Pretty much how you said it was exactly how it went down. That first night, she wasn’t at the bar. She was at his house. No meeting, all made up bullshit. No pics on Reddit, no random Snapchat pics. She woke up and had an agenda that morning and it wasn’t me. I almost drove by his house that day, I wish I would have. Probably wouldn’t have stopped her but who the fuck knows. I might have done something I seriously regretted so maybe someone was looking out for me in the long run.
I was gaslighted for almost two months. I knew something was wrong with my marriage and I desperately wanted to fix it. I had no idea of the extent of it at the time but fuck I didn’t react fast enough on my gut. Those that go through this, definitely follow your instincts. When someone is in lust for someone else they aren’t thinking straight and leave plenty of crumbs to the cookie jar, because they clearly are not thinking straight. I followed those crumbs and caught her hand in the jar.
I was able to believe the stories if she could prove them, another redditor gave me some tips and I followed them. I told her that I wanted to request her snap data, she said ok without hesitation. Then a couple hours later after figuring out how to look at the locations on an iPhone I found out how to look back and see the exact location on the exact day. What I found broke me. I can never describe that feeling when those emotions just rush over you in that moment. In all my life I have never had anything like it. It was the opposite of the highest high. I never want to feel that again in my life. Nothing like death, nothing like fighting, nothing like love, drugs, or alcohol. This was life changing. I confronted her immediately and she doubled down that she wasn’t there, I showed her the phone and she tried to deny it. Then it turned into I was there. Then it was I just kissed him, then it was I fucked him.
I went in a dark place during those 7 weeks, I felt helpless and didn’t understand why my wife was constantly pushing me away. She’d give me some random affection but it was cold. After talking to some friends that know her well they said dude she has changed, she hasn’t been the same person for a while. I thought it was me, people noticed the change. She constantly told me I was the insecure one, that she couldn’t handle my outburst when I confronted her why she went to the “bar” that night. She blamed me for everything. One night I broke down drunk and just hid in a closet for a while and just sobbed and when she did find me I asked why she doesn’t love me anymore, what did I do, ect. She said nothing, I still love you, comforted me and the next day she explained that the things I said hurt her and devastated her. Meanwhile little to my knowledge she already fucked him, probably a few times by now. How can a person watch someone suffer like that and keep doing it for another 5-6 weeks, I will never know nor understand.
At the end of the day, we are working through what the next steps are. I don’t know what my future holds but in our state it’s 50/50. If we can’t amicably split the courts will do it for us. I have been looking at support groups if I decide to stay. If I was anything like her I would take the easiest path instead of working on our marriage. That’s what she did, instead of working on our marriage and her resentment towards me and the business she reached out for some cock. She blamed me and the business for her resentment and ultimately I’m assuming the miscarriages as well. But I’m not her. It’s definitely easier to pack my shit and go, hurt once and mend myself and do this thing called life for a second time. I’ve been a ball of tears for 5 days. I don’t cry, I was brought up in a generation where we were told to be tough. I cried. I cried a fucking lot. I honestly can’t stop my emotions, I never knew I had them like this quite frankly. Never under estimate the power of love and lust. I never thought my wife would in a million years throw away what we have built in our almost 20 year relationship for a lustful hookup with a person she has no business being with. But looking at it now, if she can and did stoop that low, she’s actually perfect for him. The love part for me, is still there and will always be. She is my everything, but that doesn’t mean she has to be apart of my life.
The ball is in her court, if she wants to get couple therapy I’ll entertain it. If she chooses to get better, I’ll see it through. But the one thing I won’t do is be lied to anymore. If I go down this path, the hard one, it’s on my terms. The honest truth though, he broke it off with her. She still wanted to fuck him weeks after he realized what he did. Up until last week she wanted to fuck him. There is no way those feelings are gone. Now she is scared to lose me, lose her businesses, her house, everything is coming to an end. Everything we built for 16 years is over. All because a 7 week relationship, if it was just 7 weeks. The truth keeps trickling in unfortunately. I asked what triggered that night and she said Valentine’s Day. He bought her chocolate covered strawberries, and I worked the restaurant that night. I didn’t realize strawberries would make her drop her panties for someone in two weeks. But it did.
I am hurt, I am devastated, my life has completely done a 180 and I feel like I just want to die. I can’t fucking sleep, I find myself waking up from terrors and drenched in sweat when I do catch some sleep. I never thought someone that loved me could ever willing know that while she was riding his dick like a pogo stick that this was going to completely shatter my very existence. I haven’t ate a full days meal in 5 days I am a battered mess.
I will figure this out, I will become a stronger person because of it. I opened my heart and soul to someone that never really opened theirs to me looking back at it. Someone that loves another person could never do or say the things that my wife did in these snapchats, messages, and in person. My wife is broken and she should be. She doesn’t deserve the tears that fall from my eyes. Yet I want her to see peace at some point after this. She may be in pain to come but she will never know what my pain is like. If for whatever reason she does find out what this pain is like on her next relationship I hope she remembers me.
I’ll update in a few months for those that want to see how it works out. I was told by a therapist and my attorney to take your time, there is no rush. Everyday that passes it gets a little bit easier, especially knowing it’s over and I don’t have to wonder anymore.
For those of you that helped me, thank you. Your stories and your help have been amazing. For those of you that are jaded, I hope you can learn to love and trust again. For those that went down the path of resolution and it didn’t work, I hope you find solace in that you tried everything. I will find my path….