Last night my husband made nachos and they were in the oven. He was standing there watching me clean our twins from dinner, and one of them pooped. He usually comes to help me, but he was just standing there watching me, so I said, she pooped can you come change her. He just looked at me, so I said or you could finish wiping him up? He threw his arms up and said what do you want me to do? I don’t want to burn the nachos, so I told him to just clean our boy up.
I came out of the nursery smiling and told him thank you for cleaning him and he said, well that’s better. I asked what he meant and he said I gave him a mean face, and I laughed it off at first thinking he was joking. Then he said yeah you had a mean face on, so I said well I was cleaning the babies and you weren’t coming help me like you do. I didn’t mean to make that face, I was overwhelmed. He then rolled his eyes and shook his head, so I asked why he did that and he just said he didn’t.
This part is 100% my fault, I have a past of being manipulated, and him saying that put me right back in that headspace. I tried to keep it together and told him that I saw him roll his eyes. He said sorry in a sarcastic tone and didn’t look at me. My alarm bells for manipulation went off again and I was loosing my grip on controlling my emotions. I started pacing and had to walk away a few times to keep calm.
I then said, don’t you see how I could take that as an insincere apology? He said no, and I asked him to put himself in my shoes. He still said his apology was sincere and he doesn’t agree with my perspective. I told him I don’t need him to agree, just see where I’m coming from and validate my feelings.
I want to add that we have had issues where I asked him to see my point of view and he just doesn’t when he’s done something that hurts my feelings.
So to continue, he then said it was all a joke and I made it worse and started listing all the things I do wrong. I then told him I felt unloved because when there’s an issue, all I’m asking for over and over is for him to see my point of view I try to see his and I do my best to be accountable for my actions. I just want the same consideration from him.
I honestly feel like there’s something underlying his reaction to my face and my asking him why he rolled his eyes. It’s such a big fight over something so stupid. I want to make things better but he won’t talk to me about what’s going on.
He said he thinks I think he’s a bad dad, but I constantly tell him how wonderful he is in detail. He comes home and helps with them, they light up when he walks in, he’s so involved, and I do my best to show him appreciation.