Hello, I (20F) have been talking to a nice guy (26M) for a couple months now and we are at the point where we may make things official. Though the only thing holding me back is that he has SO many female friends, many of which are is best friends. It didn’t necessary bother me at first, and also since I trust that they are strictly just friends, but I’ve learned that they tell him *everything*, such as things like their sex lives. Is it wrong that this bothers me? He plays it down that they are all just friends to him (which i trust him), but it makes me feel bad that he’s so close to other girls in his life. He joked that the girls ought to me his groomsmen at his wedding.
Is this something that should bother me? Or is it normal for guys to have friends like this, since I’ve never been in a relationship where this was present.
TL:DR!: The guy I’m talking to has many female friends which makes me uncomfortable. Should I be upset about this?
1 comment
Hi! It totally makes sense why you would feel weird about this – if you’re not used to the idea, it can feel worrisome that your partner may have a crush on, or history with some of these female friends.
I can tell you that it is normal for some guys to have a lot of female friends. I can tell you that because I do – some of whom I’m very very close with. I am also married. I can tell you that at no point does having female friends create any complicated feelings for me. The relationships are just as platonic as with my male friends. Even the friends I’ve had little crushes on in the past, I don’t think about, because I’m in a monogamous relationship and I’ve moved on. Obviously, I’m one person, but I think I’m pretty normal! It’s not like some big crazy effort for me to balance female friendships with my romantic relationship. They’re just different things.
I can also tell you from personal experience that being friends with women has made me understand women’s perspectives more deeply, which has helped me be a better romantic partner. So you could think of this as a potential green flag too!
The only thing you wrote here that I think you may want to keep an eye out for is boundaries around what he tells ANY friend, man or woman, about your sex life. It’s totally reasonable to ask for that to be between you and him.
Hope this helps!