My bf, M25, and I, F24, have been together for just over a year, and I’m struggling a bit with this. We’ve both been pretty open about our sexual pasts, and I’ve shared with him recently when I felt ready that I’ve had a bad experience with anal with an ex and wanted to be open about it with him.
I told him this a little over 2 weeks ago. He’s been great and supportive, and has told me verbatim that it doesn’t change how he feels about me.
But I feel so…dirty. I hate thinking about my ex and that I even did anal to begin with (I was pressured into it), and now that my bf knows it’s kind of dug up old feelings of that dirtiness. I’m also paranoid that he actually does feel differently about me even though there’s no evidence that’s the case.
Does anyone have any insight over getting over this yucky feeling? How do I move forward? I just want to feel okay and get past the dirtiness and insecurity. I kind of feel like I don’t deserve him.
TLDR; I shared with my bf that I had a bad experience with anal with an ex. He has been supportive, but I can’t help but feel dirty and insecure.