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Women doing online dating in Chicago, how’s your experience been with finding long term relationships? I (31F) realize that Chicago is actually one of the best cities to date in the US, and I do get lots of likes, matches, actual dates, a few short term things anywhere between 5 dates to 5 months, but nothing long term. I’m on a break from the apps and I’ve been dating on and off for 2.5 years since October 2021. My short term things I ended most of them due to either incompatibility or that they’re obv not over from their last relationship yet.
Since Chicago is actually relatively so easy to date it started to feel like it’s not going to get better for me in finding a ltr. The guys I met have been 99% decent dudes, my short term exes were all good people who treated me well and respected me, but stars just never fully aligned?
What’s the best way to ask your GF hoe often theyd like sex? Obviously you don’t plan these things out but jst want to know so it’s not like shes thinking he hasn’t touched me in two months wtf
Can’t believe I’m the one saying this now (especially considering all the other comments I’ve left in these threads) but I went on a first date and we really like each other. Now I have all these butterflies and anxiety and very cautious optimism, the kind you miss having when you’re in a long term relationship but also can’t wait to be over when you’re actually experiencing it.
If anyone has any words of encouragement about how once in a while, it actually does just turn out well…I’m all ears 😅
I think I have to leave him.
There’s been a lot of good, but the bad has been increasingly bad. I don’t know if I’m overreacting or if I should trust my gut feeling. I don’t know if I should let this one slide or if I should run before something serious happens. I don’t know if I’m just ashamed because while being curious, I couldn’t voice my boundaries properly when they got crossed.
He says he wants to do better, but what if he does worst?
Edit: This is my first relationship in 4 years or 6 years with someone “new”. Before that, I spent 8 years with the same guy, and 3 and 2 years with the previous ones.
It started amazingly well, he does take care of me in ways I’ve never experienced, but 4 months in and I’m starting to think some of the stuff happening is not normal. Like him not respecting boundaries in the bedroom on multiple occasion, nothing “serious” yet, but last night I had to explain the concept of consent, it scared me.
I find excuses in the fact that we’re both using our second language to communicate and sometimes messages are not conveyed clearly. I find excuses in the fact that his culture is different and I have to sometimes meet him half way. I hold on to the good times we had in the beginning and the summer plans we made, but a little voice in my head tells me that if my best friend shared some of the things I’m going through, with me, I would probably encourage her to leave…
The guy I’ve been seeing is out of town for the week for work. This is going to be a regular thing. I was scared of how my anxious attachment would do, but so far so good! It’s actually really exciting to miss someone in a secure way. I put in 5 years of work to get here. I think it makes it easier since he is so communicative of his feelings. Fingers crossed this week goes the way it has thus far!
A run club that I’ve been interested in joining is hosting a singles night this weekend. Apparently they host this once a month. I’ve never been to this kind of event before so am really nervous but feel like I should at least try it once. I recently met a couple at the gym who met at this specific run club, though I don’t know if they met at a single’s event or just at the run club. I’m not gonna ask 😅 the current run club I’m in has been great for making friends but not so great for dating so worth a try! Wish me luck.
I recently met someone who I really like. He’s very sweet, and kind, and … just really wonderful. But there’s a part of this whole process that feels missing to me, because I no longer am in contact with my best friend. Things ended between us a few years ago, with her not treating me well. I know it was the right thing, but I miss her so much in times like this. I am feeling so happy, and want to share things with her, and it all feels so incomplete. After every sweet thing he does, I want to share it! I have friends and family who of course care about me, and listen. But they don’t CARE, like you do with your bff. Nothing is the same as that best friend feeling, when you are so invested in the romance and celebrating all the tiny little details together. I just wanted to put this out there, because I feel so sweet and happy, and wish I had my best friend to share the journey with.
A guy I was dating recently told me that I’m the “perfect woman,” he’s extremely sexually attracted to me, we have great communication, conversations, laughs, and he really enjoys spending time with me…but after two weeks together he doesn’t feel in love and normally he would by now, so he ended things. We had a final goodbye yesterday and he teared up. In talking to him more about it I really think he has an unhealthy concept of how to create a relationship with healthy passion and longevity. He was surprised when I said that I think love grows over time because he’s always chosen partners he felt instantly in love with.
I texted him today that I think it’s best if we don’t speak anymore. Makes me sad to let go because I do actually think we had a lot of potential. I’ve never experienced this…where you have an obviously great connection, the other person has feelings and attraction to you, but something seriously random completely derails your connection. Just kind of dumb and sad lol. 🙁
The one really good thing about the apps and subs like that is the increasing amount of millennials who have forced themselves to admit that yeah, they want a partner, yeah they’re actively looking and there’s nothing wrong with either.
90s and 00s pop culture tried to insist that only someone really lame would want that and that all the ~le cool desirable people would just meet by accident, resist a relationship at all costs and go through a quirky slowburn as life’s circumstances magically throw them together again and again and again until they realize they’re meant for each other.
Zoomer culture that is a lot more raw and honest is also thankfully killing this horseshit trend off so I actually have high hopes for the future.
Guys in your thirties: Is there a gap in desire for children/starting a family? From the apps I get the impression that men either have already children from their 20s or want to wait until their late 30s, better 40s.
Also there were a few separations with my aquaintances in the last year over women wanting to start a family and their men not being ready… This is, of course, just anecdotal.
Is it just me? Is it real?
Operation Tinder Rebound: I had it set to “everyone” at first, but matched with one woman and talked to her a bit before getting really sad 🙁 So turned it to men only. All my matches have been quite good-looking guys. I’ve spoken to them all aside from one that unmatched me, and everyone has been nice! Except for one dude who made a weird sexual come-on immediately.
So other than those, it’s been 2 nice but dry texters whose schedules don’t line up with mine for the next few weeks, 2 who seemed very keen but were hard to schedule with and farther away from me and started to get on my nerves, 2 new matches I haven’t talked to much yet, and 2 I’ve met up with. The first wasn’t interested but was fun and I still enjoyed going out. The second has been totally great–friendly, funny, very cute, very nerdy, close by, easy to reach by text, and thinks I’m hot. I went home with him this weekend and had a very pleasant time! Will definitely keep him.
I’ve still been feeling really low. Lots of lame crying and having unhelpful thoughts about my ex and our relationship, like thinking about whether she’s way happier now with her new roommate than she was with me or whether she even feels sad like I do, or feeling bitter about the hurt. Must accept that experiencing all this is part of the process, and avoid getting too deep into blame or anger or getting stuck thinking about it 😮💨
I feel like I’m in a whirlwind or something! We’ve met parents on both sides, spend time together with friends and have spend most nights together the last 2 months. It’s my first my first healthy serious relationship and I truly cannot believe how easy all of this is with my boyfriend. Beforehand I thought it would be really difficult to let someone get this close, let alone so soon. I’ve been getting (slightly) triggered by quite a lot of things while our relationship progresses, but not once by him. And he hasn’t been anything but supportive whenever it happens. It’s quite eye-opening to work through things with someone else after doing it all on my own and all of it has been healing in more ways than I could have imagined. I can’t wait to see what’s next!
About 2 months ago, I met a man off the apps and we had a few good dates. We were both on the same page of just wanting a fwb, which made our time together even better. He then randomly ghosted me, with no explanation as to why. It hurt, but I got over it. Then two weeks after that, he reached out to catch up. And I was drunk at the time, so I indulged in the conversation. We met up that next night and things kind of fell back into place, but even better this time. And now here I am, 2 weeks later and he’s ghosted me again. I haven’t heard from him since Saturday night. My question is, what next with him? Block? Or wait a little longer to see if he reaches out with an explanation? I’m just bummed about it.
I took a break from dating to manage some life stuff that hit me out of the blue. Now that I’ve been gearing back up to get into dating, another major problem has hit 😭. Maybe in a year or two I’ll be able to date again. At least I can read and comment here lol
One of the few times I get really down in the dumps about being single is when I cook something delicious and have no one to share it with. So I’m sharing it with you all!
Last night I made an nduja and broccoli rabe cast iron pan (white sauce) pizza, and this morning I used the other half of the dough and sauce to make mango bacon pizza with homegrown Thai basil. They are both ridiculously good. I want a hungry and appreciative boyfriend, dammit!
But, my mom is coming up this weekend and I’m making her ribeye, a fennel/orange/goat cheese/Thai basil/slivered almond salad, and kaddu (an Afghan pumpkin dish she requested), plus crusty fresh bread and fancy cocktails, so at least someone will be forced to eat my cooking soon.
Didn’t get to see my potential FWB this weekend because he tested positive for gonorrhea. Thank goodness he was truthful with me about having an STI. He told me he isn’t sleeping with anyone besides me (well we haven’t slept together just yet but you get my point) so hopefully he’s being truthful and that the person who gave him the STI isn’t sleeping with him anymore. Getting laid isn’t worth an STI!
Besides that I’m a little anxious because he said that the quality of the sex will determine if he comes back for more – which makes sense because what’s the point of being FWB if the sex isn’t even good – but damn I definitely felt the pressure!
I asked him what good sex meant for him and he said he likes when his partner shows enthusiasm, which is more than doable for me, so it made me feel a little better. I also have to remember that he has to impress ME as well.
This whole thing is so weird for me. I’ve never purposefully decided to seek out casual sex before but unfortunately all of my sexual partners have basically considered me a casual option so I might as well just have a FWB so that the casual sex is finally on my terms.
Plus I’m taking a dating break. I’m losing hope that anyone will love me.
Bio states “Here till August.”
Dating intentions: “Long-term relationship.”
🤣🤣
I’m seeing someone new that I really like. We are sort of taking things slow but we have been having sex. The only issue is that he has trouble cumming. Ever. We’ve slept together several times and he spends a lot of time trying to cum but it just doesn’t happen. I told him I’m okay with us just enjoying it and not get to that. He agreed.
I’m worried this is an indication of a porn addiction. He said it’s not. Swears he doesn’t use porn much. But.. I’m just cautious.
Went on a first date with a man. He seemed earnest and already asked to set up another date.
Loser that hasn’t texted in days- girl bye.
My mood has been pretty good lately even though nothing seems to be going all that great. Work has been good recently so I think that has helped despite my social life being rather lackluster.
On the dating side I have 0 prospects. I’ve been getting a lot of matches but only a few dates. If I ask them out they either say they are busy and then either never get back to me or I follow up and they don’t respond. The ones I have gone out with have been just okay but kind of mutually agree it’s not really going anywhere.
Socially it feels like I am struggling to develop meaningful friendships. My friend circle I have had the last couple years is slowly dying. Had a fallout with one of the women in the group. Another friend seemed to have something happen with another woman in the group but I am not privy to what exactly happened there. Two of the other women in our moving away come August, one of the guys has just been spending way more time with other people. The core of our group thats left still hangs out every couple weekends and I see them at sports stuff. I’ve been really trying to make new friends. I go to events, pickups, etc – I talk to people, get to know them, find mutual interests, we’ll exchange numbers/social media but they are just always busy with stuff so it’s been hard to deepen those relationships any further. I’ve got a ton of friendly acquaintances but nothing of substance.
I’ve even met a lot of women from all the stuff I have been attending but they are either taken or not interested. So that’s been a bit demoralizing. Also dealing with an MCL strain and some cartilage damage in my knee which is isn’t too troublesome but it’s not exactly fun either.
I guess I am doing all I can for now.