My (35M) SO (37F) is a Reddit troll and I absolutely dumbfounded on what to do?

35 comments

1. Just say you didn’t know she had reddit and that you were surprised at her online persona.
   Tell her you felt really disappointed at the things you read.
   Say the lack of compassion he had towards others was confusing because both you and her are… and yet she was making fun/ bullying people.
   Ask her to help you understand.

   I dare say she will say you invaded her privacy and reddit is just a place where she can say whatever and be whatever she wants to be.

   Then where to from there, no clue.
   All you can do is communicate and hopefully she will change how she is now that you know. Or she will make a new accounts- rinse and repeat.

2. Get her therapy. Do not feed

3. Chances are – she already knows via this post

4. Engage with her in Reddit comments (using different name). Once it blows up and she is disrespectful to you you call her out on it.

5. What if this is fake, and you’re a troll?

6. What do you think about having a partner who secretly likes to be cruel to others and thinks it’s funny? Only you can answer that.

7. She showed who she truly is.

   I don’t know about you but I would up and leave.

8. How is it an invasion of privacy if it’s a public site? If she didn’t want you to see, she should have been way more secretive. Honestly, I could not continue a relationship with someone who hurts people so much (and people take their own lives because of shit like this). Her opinion of her privacy or why she does it, or anything else she may throw at you is entirely irrelevant at this point.

9. Why would you stay with someone like that?

   Bounce on that troll and then come back here to post about it like a normal person.

10. Catfish her and make her harass you. Then cry at the dinner table over the ableist Redditor who ruined your self-esteem. Hope to find this on BORA in a few weeks.

11. This is the person you are dating.

    This is how she behaves when there are no consequences of her actions.

    She is not a kind person.

12. Start trolling her back?

13. Def not a bot post.

14. This is a repost, or incredibly similar to the same exact situation posted like a year ago. Bot post.

15. LOL this is so dumb

16. What’s her user name ? 😇

17. I can’t help but wonder if this is true. If all she does is harass people, her karma would be so low that she would no longer be able to comment anywhere. And she would be perma banned from all the subs she was extremely toxic on.

18. DM her from a throwaway account saying you know who she is. That’ll freak her out.

19. Skankhunt42 alternate universe

20. You were able to match up when she was in a bad mood to when she was down voted?

    Sounds fake to me

21. She sounds awful. Break up with her.

    Maya Angelou – “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.”

    She’s finally shown you who she really is.

22. There is no reason to approach this. The person you thought you were dating doesn’t exist. Get out now. Dump her. At some point her online personality is going to go live into her real one. You need to get out before that happens.

23. Why would you want to spend anymore time with a 37 year old bully who is deliberately cruel to others and takes delight in it. This is who she really is. What do you do? You pack your bags and get out.

24. I wouldn’t bother having a conversation about it. This isn’t a one off, she’s been doing it for eight YEARS. This is who she is. And she’s horrible. I’d be out of there immediately.

25. I find it so pathetic that she’s agoraphobic, which implies she has anxiety around social interactions, being humiliated, etc. but she’s being cruel to others online and that definitely affects their anxiety / mental health.

    This is a shitty person and I’d cut my losses tbh.

26. Lol.
    nice fan fic

    The wording and writing style is just so over the top. Like a “naive” instigator

27. How did you “briefly get a glimpse” without her knowing?

    >u/ThrowRAtrollSO I came home from work today and noticed my partner just sitting at the desk laughing to herself with her headphones on, so I assumed she was watching a movie or something and left it at that.

    >Not long after I poked my head round as I was going to ask her what she wanted for dinner and to my surprise she was on Reddit, which was odd to me because she is anti social media etc but I thought it was nice she was trying something as she suffers from agoraphobia and doesn’t get out much without me.

    >I briefly got a glimpse at her name and thought it would be interesting to see what she had posted (yes I know this was an invasion of privacy) and to my shock, the account was 8 years old.. this means it’s predated out relationship by a couple of years, what even more shocking was the stuff she had said on there, so much hate towards random people, for seemingly no reason at all.

    >This was not just one comment here and there either, literally just an account dedicated to hating on people and she seemed proud of it in her comments, one recent example was she spent an entire day just hassling someone, it doesn’t even stop there because she will make up stories, fat shame people, bullying those with disability’s. (this one hurts as she knows I have autism) and claims everyone who tell her she needs is “projecting”

    >I would sometimes come back from work and she would be in a bad mood but wouldn’t tell me why, Upon looking at her comment history a lot of her bad moods seem to line up with days she got downvoted a lot, she even goes as far as to lie about her physical appearance just to bring down others, its sick.

    >How do I even approach this? This stuff is just downright hateful and I don’t want her to freak out at me.

    >What do I even do? I’m scared she is one argument away from someone coming to find her.

28. I’m on the spectrum too. I tend to not speak alot because when I do…well lol. But I could not keep silent for something like this. Screenshot her comments and make a slide show and go through them one by one with her. Judge how she reacts. Does she seem remorseful or is she immediately getting defensive or gaslighting you? Will she stop or will she continue? Definitely relate how it affects you and how this discovery has changed her in your eyes.

29. First – make sure you didn’t spell the name wrong or click on the wrong user name. If you’re absolutely sure then – ick

30. There are several possibilities; none of them great.

    Most likely, this is who she is. She might never be mean when she is actually hurting someone she actually knows. I have seen numerous instances of truly hateful behavior targeted at a certain group but they absolutely and genuinely feel none of those feelings to someone they know who is a member of that group. Incredibly common.

    But when it is anonymous it is easy to pretend that the user you are responding to isn’t real. Or to justify that they asked for the abuse in some way.

    Alternatively, she has an incredibly strong anger problem. And this is her way of dealing with that.

    Alternatively, she feels powerless and has low esteem and this part propping herself up. Given her anxiety, and the need for validation this is also very possible. Add a bit of compulsive behavior…. This is also the scenario most likely to be resolved.

    So, the question what to do now is more difficult. Personally, I would consult with a therapist. I would want help figuring out her motivations before I decided on a course of action. She will absolutely freak out when she knows you know — this is like her hate diary designed to never be read (by anyone that knows who she is).

31. So, not only is she a bully, she’s a cowardly bully. Yuck.

32. You can start by being honest. Let her know you found out and that you’re disgusted about her being a bully, and how it turns you off that a damn near 40 year old woman has no life but to pick on others. I mean it’s true, she’s 37, and acts like this? This is how she treats people while KNOWING you’re on the spectrum. She doesn’t care. She’s a sociopath, please find someone better.

33. If you really want to give her some consequences, and you know a good make up artist…

    Get them to give you a ‘badly beaten up’ look. Then stagger home and when she’s shocked, tell her someone called you by (her user name) and said they tracked down your house. Express dismay because ‘I know *you* don’t use social media, and I’ve never been mean on reddit, I don’t even recognize that username…why would he think it was coming from our house…?’

    See if she breaks down and confesses, then when she shows you how she’s behaved, dump her and move out.

    Let her live with thinking she’s the cause of some serious injuries to you and that she ruined her relationship on top of all that.

    Then cut her off completely.

    Is it evil? Arguably.

    On the other hand, a taste of the mental pain she inflicted on who knows how many people over the greater part of a *decade*, is just *karma*.

34. The things people do and say when they know there are no consequences is a reflection of who they really are. I’m so sorry she’s this way, but you deserve better.

35. She’s showing you who she is. Believe her.