I have had a crush on my best friend for a few months now. Shes incredibly intelligent, good looking, funny, easy to talk to, and an incredible artist and musician (we play music together.) I met her through a mutual former friend of ours who happens to be her ex as well (he treated her pretty horribly). I was on a social media app that i had heard some buzz about (think tinder for platonic relationships) and i saw her and recognized her from one of his posts. We talked that night about him and our other mutual former friends and school and hobbies and eventually started a band together with her brother. After a while we were hanging out regularly and talking frequently when we werent. I went on a cruise for a week 2 months ago and when i got to the mainland the first thing i did was text her. We talked my entire ride home and made plans to see eachother. She said there were times where she wanted to talk to me and realized she couldnt and got upset. It was after that week that i realized i couldnt ignore my dormant feelings anymore. I realized that i had some kind of feelings for her and they werent going away any time soon. I went to her house for a party yesterday, and it was her birthday (the party wasn't really for her, she kept her birthday on the down-low) so I got her a gift. (a pair of silver feather earrings that my grandmother made.) She loved them, and wore them all night. At one point she walked up to me and tugged at my sleeve while I was standing at the ping-pong table and talking to a couple of the other people there. The conversation went a little like this she walks up
"hey, I gotta tell you a secret"
I lean in
what's up?
"Closer! Its a secret!"
I get closer and laugh
okay, I'm listening
"I really love the earrings you gave me. Thanks so much"
of course, im glad.
I smile and she walks away.
End scene
I'm really glad she did walk away at that moment because if she were to say anymore I'd be stumbling over my words and blushing. The way she looked at me and smiled and the way she said those words just made me melt in a way no person ever has. I know it sounds simple just reading the words but the look on her face just got to me in such a prominent way. The party went on from there and people started leaving and after some time it was just me, her, her brother, and a friend of their's from the neighborhood. We sat by the fire and listened to music for a bit before heading to the golf course behind their house and hanging out. We decided to run through the sprinklers there and went back to their house before going to their friends house to swim. The four of us hung out in his pool for a couple hours and just talked and played a couple games and screwed around with waterguns and stuff before eventually going back to their house. I left and that was it. Now it's a full 24 hours later and I'm still sitting here at 3 in the morning with butterflies in my stomach wondering if things could work out between us (its been almost 3 hours since those pesky little insects appeared and they've yet to go away.) It's been half a year now since we met, and I've never had a friend like her before. Someone who genuinely cares for my wellbeing. Someone who loves me for me. I've had friends that I've been as close with in the past, but none of them compare to her and her gentle, caring nature. No one's become this close to me as fast as she has. No one that I ever thought genuinely wanted the best for me atleast. I've looked up ways to tell if you're in love, I've watched characters describe it in shows and movies and thought "maybe that's it." I've never known with certainty, until tonight that is, that what I feel for her is real, romantic love. I just need to figure out if telling her is a good idea. I'm so scared of losing her. On one hand I feel so desperately that I need to let her know. Like I'm deceiving her if I don't. Like this feeling in my gut that makes me feel so nauseous will never go away. But on the other hand I worry about how it might affect her, us, her family, our friends. They trust me, and she's been through heartbreak before with someone kinda like me. Someone who got close to her family and started dating her only to leave her and her family upset and hurting. I don't want to repeat that and make her go through that again, and I don't think I will, but the fear is there. (I should clarify, this ex of hers was friends with her brother like I am, and her parents considered him to be like a son according to her.) I've thought about going to her parents when I'm over there sometime, asking their permission to tell her. Thing is I'm worried they'll look at me and see some kind of predator that's been lying low waiting for a moment. That's not me. I don't want them to think that. I want to be trusted and accepted and maybe even loved by them one day if all goes well. Her whole family is really cool. I'm worried this gnawing feeling in my gut that keeps me up at night is never gonna go away if I don't just say something. My family suggested I take it slow, drop hints, and just ease my way into that territory, and that's what I planned to do at first, but now I don't know if that's possible. Any advice is welcome. Sorry this post ended up being so long. There was a lot to cover I know, but I really don't wanna screw this up. She means too much to me.
TL;DR!
I have fallen in love with my best friend and am trying to decide if I should tell her, keep it to myself, or just ease into things and see how it goes. We play music together and she just turned 20 yesterday. I made the realization that I absolutely am in love with her tonight and it scares me. I don't want to hurt her or her family that i care about as well. She went through a bad break-up last year and he was close with her family and I don't want to be a part 2 to that.