Hello,
I don't know how to explain all of this concisely, so bear with me. I apologize in advance.
I (m40) live in an abusive relationship and I want to divorce my (f43) wife, but I can't.
I need to tell a bit about my life to explain the reasons:
I meet my wife 8 years ago and for around 2 years we had a long distance relationship (I used to live in Europe and she's Japanese.) After meeting several times, we decided to settle in Japan. Everything was good until our child (f4) was born and her personality changed completely – she gets angry easily, screaming, complaining about everything I do…
Mind you, I do as much as her in our home: While she takes and picks our child from the school (because I can't go because of my work), and go for the weekly shopping (when coming back from the school) I do almost everything else: prepare her foods, shower with her, sleep with her, and taking my child out by myself almost every weekend, as my wife prefers to sleep or meet her friends. I do the cleaning and other chores. She takes care of the paperworks (as she's japanese and the documents are in japanese – but even about this she complained)
Still, at least once a week my wife reminds me that she does more than me and that anything I do is wrong.
Since our child was born I learn to walk on eggshells as everything bothers my wife:
For example, yesterday was trash day here in our neighbourhood, so as I wake up around an hour before my wife and child, I took the trash out before taking a shower and going to work. Well, upon waking up, she was angry I throw the trash (as I always do) because she wanted to throw her used tampon. This kind of angry talk happens almost 2 a day, daily. Sometimes she just gets very upset and screams, even if our child is there.
She screams to me so more that even our kid says, from time to time, "Mummy is always angry with daddy."
I've tried 2 times to talk to her and explain that she's hurting me, and that getting angry and screaming, specially in front of our child, is bad, but as soon as I say my first sentence, she says "I don't care, I don't want to listen, I want to divorce. I'll go later to fill the papers (in Japan you can get divorce in the city hall, with a simple from)" So I learnt to keep quiet even if I think she's wrong.
And the reason I have to keep quiet and can't get divorce it's because this:
As I explained, I moved to Japan for our relationship, and my visa is dependant of our marriage.
When I said to her "Ok, let's get divorced, what about our child" her reply was "You can come from your country to meet her, once a year." So, she doesn't plan to let me meet my kid.
I'm at my wits end. I tried to get a work visa but my job place won't do it.
I've talked to some lawyers and they told me that if we divorce, 1) I could apply to a special visa, but they only grant it to around 30% or less of people who apply, and 2) my wife will keep the custody (no shared custody in Japan).
Basically, if I divorce, I'll have to leave this country, leaving my child here.
I don't know how to continue living like this. My only chance it's to wait for around 3 years and apply for a Permanent visa, if my wife decides it's ok for her – as I need some of her documents to apply.
I don't know what to do.
I cry at my work.
My friends tell me to divorce and go back to my country if I can't stay here, but I can't leave my child here.
My mother thinks I have to endure, just for the shake of my kid.
But the thought of keep living like this for another 3, 4 our more years, in daily abuse, makes me feel sick in my stomach.
Sorry for the long post.
TL;DR! I want divorce but I can't because it would mean to leave my child behind.