I'm in a bit of a dilemma and could use some advice. I have a close friend whose marriage is going through a rough patch, and I'm not sure if I should step in or how to do it tactfully.
Here’s the situation:
- My friend often behaves meanly towards her husband and seems to start unnecessary conflicts.
- They’ve been to couples counseling, but the issues persist.
- She frequently says she needs “breaks” from their marriage and openly complains about him.
- From what she tells me, her relationship with her in-laws is poor, and she tends to be very combative with them.
- They fight all the time, even in front of our friend group, and she often brings up his past mistakes publicly.
- Despite being married for 5 years, they still seem to be dealing with what I consider petty issues.
I’m really concerned because I see a lot of smoke and potential fire here. It seems like her insecurities might be a significant part of the problem, but I’m unsure if she lacks self-awareness, needs to consider divorce, or just needs more help.
Should I tell her my thoughts? And if so, how can I approach this without causing more conflict or hurting our friendship? I care about her and want to help, but I don’t want to overstep. I also feel complicit (as do our other friends) sitting by and just laughing off every time she basically publicly shames him in front of us all. You can see him deflate in front of everyone.
Any advice or similar experiences would be greatly appreciated!
Thanks in advance.
(Oh and to be clear, I’m married and do not want her man. I want to be a good friend. Possibly absolve myself from guilt of being a bystander)