Lurking in this subreddit and seeing all the posts about married couples who can’t quite seem to figure out the sex thing, and I get it.
What blows my mind is that right away sex becomes something that everyone is expected to compromise on.
For some people monogamy is the compromise and while understanding the differences, similarities, and the way love and sex can truly work together for everyone can save a marriage. There are other options.
I am not saying open your marriage, but I will ask, why not open your mind to new possibilities that may lead to happiness and a better marriage.
No, you don’t owe anyone sex from you, but why deny sex for the person you love?
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If you compromise on being monogamist then you aren’t being your true self and if you are lying to stay with someone you “love” then its a relationship built on lies and you don’t know what love is.
You are right, your don’t owe your partner sexy time but you do owe your partner that you are going to put forth the work and actions to keep a relationship healthy and thats not just about talking about your feelings and cuddling and taking out the trash, but it is also sex which is a major form of physical communication between two able people.
Open marriages sounds like they can work in theory but issues arise that stem from deep seated non addressed issues or they are from lack of communication and compliancy.
We are humans and the closer you play with the edge of what normal humans can do you play with danger.
But if that works for you then have at it.
Honestly, the reason sex is so important to us is because of who it’s with, not the mere act it’s self. Me & my wife connect deeply through sex. Yes we have fun with it too, but it’s so much more than the act. I don’t crave that same connection with others.
If my wife died tomorrow I’d be ok without sex until I found someone I wanted that same level of connection with.
Luckily my husband and I are the sane page sexwise. But under no circumstances would we ever open our marriage. We’d both rather not have sex than do that.
There’s no fidelity owed if you’re forced into celibacy. What has always baffled me about people’s mindsets, at what point did anyone agree to be celibate in their marriage? Everyone fully expects fidelity as part of the deal but then outright stops having sex because you know your body your choice. Fidelity isn’t something owed it’s something earned and maintained. If people actually realized that there wouldn’t be so many dead bedrooms out there. Sorry folks, if you haven’t slept with your partner in a year or more it’s no longer cheating if they decide to outsource what they should be getting from you. People can disagree all they want but it doesn’t change anything.
Frankly: I don’t see “opening” marriage as marriage at all. Marriage is a lifetime commitment to ONE person. I understand that it’s not for everyone, however if you’re out sleeping with more than that one person you’re just partners. You’re not really married. I can’t fathom ever wanting to have sex with anyone other than my wife. It doesn’t compute with me.
Just my two cents.