A common question you see here is a man asking for advice because he isn’t have as much sex as he’d like with his wife. Common responses here include “hormone imbalance” and simply “different priorities”
I think, however, that it is clear that, especially later in life, women have a substantially lower sex drive than men, and that this problem is not due to anything wrong with the woman, it simply exists.
What do you think the solution for this problem is, if divorce/break up is not viable since there are kids in the picture.
Don’t say masturbation because it is simply not the same, and many women would be averse to it.
22 comments
I’m going to be really honest if I can’t get laid once a week minimum I don’t want to be with her. I’ve had women make me feel like shit for not being in the mood and I’ll still do it.
A compromise that encompasses sex but doesn’t necessarily lead to PIV sex.
Unmatching.
>I think, however, that it is clear that, especially later in life, women have a substantially lower sex drive than men, and that this problem is not due to anything wrong with the woman, it simply exists.
Isn’t this the opposite? I thought men had a higher drive earlier and women hit their stride later on.
Finding someone with a compatible sex drive.
There doesn’t seem to be any real solution and likely won’t be without also having to solve the problem of aging in the first place.
Instead we’ve got kludgy things like opening up the relationship or swinging, silently suffering through it, or powering through sex acts that one of them doesn’t want to do even if that just means using a sex toy on your partner when you don’t want to.
Or hoping you’re lucky and managed to pick someone whom you’ll remain compatible with up until you’re dead or both decrepit enough for it to no longer matter. Since while you can screen for compatibility now and attitude about sex now, you can’t really screen for what they’ll be in the future, especially physiological stuff that our medical science doesn’t understand.
>I think, however, that it is clear that, especially later in life, women have a substantially lower sex drive than men, and that this problem is not due to anything wrong with the woman, it simply exists.
And then there’s the random spike of horniness among some women just before or right at the beginning of middle age while that’s when dudes’ sex drives first start to notably fall off.
Sometimes either my wife or I aren’t in the mood but will still have sex for the other, I think that’s the best solution. Of course there are times when one of us just really doesn’t want to for whatever reason and we’ll respect that.
The solution is to turn on a partner instead. The brain is the main sex organ. Making a person feel wanted is more effective than just wanting sex.
That being said, if a person refuses all affection and physical contact then stop.
People like to check that their compatible in every area with their partner except sex. Sexual compatibility is a real thing. A very real thing. What sex is to you, how often you want to have it, what you want to do during sex, etc. If you’re going to commit to a relationship where you only have sex with that one person, it is a MUST that you both have the same ideas about sex and how often you want it. The fact that people ignore that is insane to me.
That being said as cold as it may feel, just like with incompatibilities in other areas, if you’re sexually incompatible with your partner, and it’s negatively affecting you and/or your relationship. It’s time to end that relationship.
Either open relationships or not getting married/have children in the first place.
Let’s not forget about a MAJOR factor in this situation for many people.
Overall Health.
And it’s so much of an issue that it’s been a advertising stranglehold for many years if not centuries.
It’s only MARRIED women who have substantially lower sex dries later in life.
I’m gonna be straight up.
Best thing I ever found was a partner who liked lots of play but was also happy looking at my body while he rubbed his c**k. This has happened a number of times (over 12 years). We talked about this a lot. Sometimes I’m not in the mood, but he is. So we have an agreement that on the off day I’m not feeling it, he can have a visual and an orgasm. I love it. More often than not, it leads to sex and mutual orgasms, but knowing I don’t have the pressure to step up to the plate helps me feel more relaxed and aroused.
Many women would be averse to you masturbating? What does it have to do with them?
For me the solution is having a stable of various women for different days of the week.
If the lower sex drive won’t sacrifice and give to their partner find someone else
Open relationships/polyamory.
“It’s is clear that women… have a substantially lower sex drive than men”
False. Everyone is different sex drives independent of their gender.
But to your question… sexual compatibility is as important a factor as the rest when it comes to relationships. Find an acceptable compromise or break up
The correct answer is to work with a couples counsellor and find a middle ground. Sexual health is incredibly important in a relationship.
Also, what on earth do you mean by women being “averse” to masturbation? I’m worried about that statement (for you).
Communication and understanding with both parties
Free use whenever. According to some people that works fine, as even if a woman is not really feeling like it, well I have jerked off because I was bored, the can get behind it too just fine.
In my marriage, his sex drive dropped and mine went higher as we reached 30, so your statement about women having a substantially lower drive isn’t always true. A good number of times, a woman will want more sex if she feels like her partner sees her and all the things she does to keep the family running. Even stepping in and doing some of those things for her (not having to be asked or told step by step what to do) will be appreciated and often that appreciation will be shown in a sexy way.
Also, just because you have kids doesn’t mean you should stay in a relationship that isn’t working. People who do this end up resentful and frustrated. Guess what? Your kids can feel that. Your frustration and resentment will leak into every aspect of your life! Instead of staying “for the kids” make a decision that if you can’t or won’t work together to find a solution for the problem then the relationship needs to end. Get your kids into counseling and split.
My ex and I are actually better friends than we were husband and wife. Our kids are happy, we’re both happy separately, and life is good.