so, there’s much more to it than the title. we are in an almost 11-month relationship. my bf’s male cousin invited him to his birthday this month, and there are going to be girls as well, including his ex who is now his cousin’s gf. he’s going to spend the night there and i don’t like the idea of it. before calling me controlling or possessive, hear me out:
his cousin didn’t invite me as well, and i totally get it that i can’t be there without being invited, right? but after talking to someone about this, that person told me “well why didn’t your bf try to talk to his cousin to see if he can bring you as well?”… and it really hit me. me and his cousin aren’t strangers. we know each other and his mom (my bf’s aunt) adores me.
it isn’t an all boys party. if it was i wouldn’t have thought all of this. so i think my bf should have tried to talk to his cousin, at least.
what do you think? and should i bring it up to my boyfriend? if yes, how?
TLDR: my bf’s cousin didn’t invite me to his birthday and there will be girls as well as boys. i think my bf should have at least asked his cousin if he could bring me, and i don’t know how to bring it up to him.
9 comments
1) do you explicitly know your boyfriend didn’t ask to bring you?
2) perhaps he needs a night where he can relax without you
You’re being controlling or possessive.
Yes, you can *ask* your BF if you’re able to join. Respectfully, and without judgment or blame or accsusations. If he doesn’t feel comfortable asking his cousin, for whatever reason, you need to be prepared to accept and respect that.
But you still need to check yourself. There will be times when you’re not included. If you cannot be at peace with your BF going to a party you’re not at, then you’re in the wrong relationship, or you are not emotionally equipped to be in a relationship at all. These vague jealousies and insecurities of yours need to be gotten under control.
You’ve almost been together a year- at that point when your bf is invited somewhere, his partner should also be invited. Your bf should have clarified with his cousin .
Nope, don’t bring it up to anyone. I’d feel so awkward trying to ask someone if my gf can come to a party too. There are many reasons you might not be invited, it’s healthy to spend time apart from your SO.
You weren’t invited and that’s okay. Sometimes you will not be invited to things that your boyfriend is and you need to learn how to deal with that.
You and your boyfriend are separate people and you are not entitled to join him in every single thing he does. You need to learn to be your own person.
I don’t know the context of other social events. Is this a pattern? If this only happens occasionally, it’s not an issue.
Is there bad blood between you and your bfs ex?
With the details given, it doesn’t sound like it’s outright malicious of the cousin to not invite you. I think it is completely healthy for people (your boyfriend) to spend time without their SO.
Please do not ask him to go out of his way to get you an invite. He might be excited to just have a night at the party, he is not obligated to want you there. Not to say that he specifically does not want you there, but I would hate to be tied to someone in everything I do and everywhere I go. Live and let live. Schedule something with a friend that night so that you’re not thinking about it. If you trust him, leave him be.
How much time would you expect to spend with him at the party vs talking to other people?