Help me understand my relationship with kink and how it’s affecting my relationship with my wife

TL;DR: I might be kinky, or I might just be addicted to porn, and while I’ve tried to open up to my vanilla wife about these things, she does not show any signs of engaging (despite being seemingly understanding) and I feel like it’s affecting my relationship with her and I don’t know what to do.

The long story:
I feel like some background here would be useful. I’m 34, male. I’m craving kinky sex, but my wife doesn’t seem to be into it. The fact is, I don’t even know if I *am* kinky or I’m just conditioned by my long-term frequent porn consumption to seek extreme kinky sex. I’m not sure I even know what it means to be kinky, to be honest. On one hand I don’t want to repress my true sex personality, but on the other hand I don’t want to put unnecessary stress on our marriage with from a self-inflicted, unrealistic, porn-driven view of what sex should be.

I was 14 when I started watching porn. Ever since then I’ve watched porn regularly and frequently. There are stretches where I masturbate to porn multiple times a day, as well as stretches of multiple days where I don’t masturbate at all, and the occasional “fast” that lasts for a week or two before an inevitable relapse, but on average I probably masturbated to porn at least once a day for the last 20 years. Over the years I feel like the porn I watch has become more extreme, more kinky and more niche (some would say “weirder”). Usually this results in a cycle where continuous consumption of porn leads me down a rabbit hole to seek more extreme and kinkier stuff, only to second guess myself whether what I’m doing is OK, swear off for porn for a little bit, get drawn back to it after a while (I’ll just stick to the light stuff this time, I swear!”), only to repeat the cycle.

I’m not sure my specific kinks are relevant to the issue, but they generally mostly have to do with 1) dominating sexual partners and 2) involving other people/sexual acts in public.

In terms of my sex life, I’ve been active since age 17. At age 19 I began my first exploration into kink with my GF at the time with dirty talk, verbal degradation and verbal abuse, but never took it any further. I’ve had several purely vanilla relationships until I met my wife 9 years ago (we got married 6 years ago). We’ve experimented with some kinky stuff early in our relationship: mostly light restraints, some verbal degradation, etc, but nothing too serious. After the first 6 months or so that ceased altogether. She later expressed regret at having done that (although it was completely consensual at the time), saying she was in a bad place (she had been in some toxic relationships prior).

Otherwise our sex life has gone through a fairly standard metamorphosis: from having sex almost every day in the first few months to having sex once or twice a month 9 years and 2 kids later. We still both very much enjoy each other physically and emotionally and we enjoy the act itself. But ever since those first few months I’ve been craving a more kinky sexual lifestyle and that craving has for some reason intensified significantly in the last several months.

Throughout the course of our relationship I’ve brought up my different kinks and fantasies to my wife and she always appreciates my being open with her and she never passes any judgment, but that’s where it ends—she never seems to be interested in exploring any of it with me.

I don’t want to compromise my relationship with my wife but I also currently feel sexually unfulfilled and unsatisfied. What do I do? Do I just suck it up an give up on my kink ambitions? Do I try to push the subject and try to find some happy medium with my wife that we can both enjoy (and if so then how?). Or do I need to admit that I have a porn addiction that I need to take care of?