I’ve been talking to this guy for a few weeks and I’ve actually started to like him. The only major thing that caught me off guard is that he has a pact with one of his female friends that if he hasn’t lost his virginity by 25 then they will have sex. He explained that it’s because he wants to do it with someone he loves and cares about even if it isn’t in a romantic way but that really doesn’t make sense to me. He also said that she has offered to take his virginity more than once but in the past he has rejected it. The whole idea just kind of makes me uncomfortable so am I right to be concerned about this or should I just let it slide and continue talking to him?
13 comments
it is a red flag. also weird he told you this honestly.
The pact itself isn’t weird. I have a marriage pact with one of my friends. But neither of us have tried to bang each other before. It’s weird that he made a pact with someone who’s clearly into him, and that he keeps her around as his friend. So if you date him you’ll be accepting that he has a friend who wants to bang him, and who he has made a pact to bang eventually. And she’ll be around him constantly. These friends are too close for comfort, I’d leave them alone to fulfill the pact.
It’s weird, but not a red flag. It’s also really weird he told you.
Nah, thank him for his honesty. But that sounds sticky. Will she be mad if you sleep with him? Will she still want to sleep with him after you are together? Sounds like a headache of complications.
Not a red flag, guys just kinda weird. You can break the pact though.
The honesty is great. And I get it. I mean a friend who wants to have sex with you just so you “get how it all works” makes sense. The friend is one who won’t betray you, make of fun you and it will between people who value each other. In the dating world, there is a bigger chance of it ending unhappily than with a friend who is concerned about a friend’s lack of experience. Just don’t make it self fulfilling prophecy to be his first instead of this friend.
Definitely weird. But at least he’s being open with you about such a touchy and interesting topic. Just weird, nothing more. Like I said, he’s being open with you, even about that. That’s a good thing. Keep talking to him.
ick factor x 10
Yes.
It’s weird, but one thing I’m noticing on Reddit is everyone is so big on finding red flags many people might be passing over real opportunities. Yet we increasingly have a younger generation that is not getting married or forming relationships as often.
If you’re really into the guy and everything else is good these types of issues shouldn’t stop you.
Just tell him you think it’s a little weird and that you’re only looking for someone that will be loyal to you (or whatever your personally looking for…). I don’t think it’s a red flag, but it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be taken back by it or have an opinion on it.
For me a red flag should be something that’s a fundamental indication that too much needs to be fixed in that persons life before they could have a real relationship. I don’t think this is that.
As far as the stupid sex pact idea, my takeaway is his intentions are to only have sex in a relationship with someone he really cares about and is really into.
But he’s given himself up until 25 at which point he wants just do it, gain the experience, and not approach 30 being a virgin.
That isn’t that weird of a thought alone.
The female friend is someone he knows and trusts and would do it with him. So it’s something easy and he wouldn’t have trust issues, so I kinda understand how he feels. What I don’t know is if it’s because she’s really into him or if she just sleeps around a little and is more than happy to help out.
What is so weird to me is that he told you this. It can only lead to you second guessing him or second guessing his relationship with a friend.
If he’s taking a possible relationship with you seriously, the sex pact should really be null and void until that’s over.
WTF – Why would he mention this?? For that matter why would he not take her up on it?
Ok. So I get but I feel I’d be like, nope, that flag is maroon. Sounds like they may have feels for the other and I think I’d have to bounce from a potentially heartbreaking situation.
That’s such a desperate loser thing to do. Make some girl promise to have sex with you out of pity because you can’t find anything. It’s so sad because the girl has no intentions of following through on that. She just did it to make him feel better. The fact he’s repeating it to you, he believes it, and is counting on it, is just so so so sad. I need more palms for my forehead.