I (24F) have been seeing this guy (23M) for about 2 and a half months now. I liked him from the first time I saw him about a year ago and never get a crush on anyone- one of the things I liked was that he was shy and had a quiet demeanour. It’s definitely sweet in person but a couple things are starting to get to me…
So the nature of our relationship first- we hang out a few times a week and it’s always so nice, and I don’t doubt that he likes me when we’re together… we laugh a lot, listen to music we both like, go out and do fun things (he always wants to get up to something) and we kiss for a long time and gaze into eachothers eyes and in those moments you can just feel it. He says things like he can’t believe I’m real, it feels like a movie, says I’m so sweet and hot and cute often. He said he always thinks of reasons not to go for people but can’t with me. I’m verryy nice to him. his birthday just passed and I made him a super personalized handmade card and gave him weed and flowers (the flowers are wilted now but he won’t throw them out!) The sex is great.
I actually made every single move in this relationship, which I had never done before. I knew him from a mutual friend but he had never ever reached out to me until I did. He said he’d be admiring me from a distance if I hadn’t. He has never dated someone before and from asking him to hang out to kissing to sex I initiated. I took his virginity and we took that very slow (for me) because he was afraid I’d hate it. I still 90% of the time have to initiate anything like hugging or kissing ect although he gets really into it when it happens. I brought up that I need him to initiate more and he’s been trying to and it’s actually really sweet but I know it’s not natural and it’s out of his comfort zone.
Another thing is he is super bad at texting me sometimes taking 6-10 hours to get back when I know he’s online and texts his best friend super fast/frequently. He’s always so sweet when he does get back but I definitely want more communication when we’re apart. I don’t want to overwhelm him, do you think he’ll loosen up over time or is this just how he is with girls? hoping someone on here is like this or has been with someone like this. Any tips for dealing? It does make me feel pretty bad sometimes, makes me question if he really does like me
TL;DR seeing a shy guy who has a hard time initiating anything from texting to touching
3 comments
>I don’t want to overwhelm him
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>It does make me feel pretty bad sometimes, makes me question if he really does like me
You’re so afraid of MAYBE causing a bad outcome that you’re settling for a DEFINITE bad outcome.
If you are not getting what you NEED from him in this relationship, you’re gonna have to risk overwhelming him. It is very clear you’re taking the lead in this dance. He is who he is. He’s a shy dude. You’re gonna have to hit him over the head with EVERYTHING. Make your peace with that.
I think you’re hoping not to have to press him for these things because you don’t want to admit the possibility that this “perfect” relationship may not actually be in your best interest. It is possible for this guy to be amazing. He may even be the “best” guy you will ever date. But he may just not be what you need. And that sucks, but that’s life. It’s like getting a copy of your favorite book in a language you can’t read. Tragically useless.
And I get why you don’t want to open that door. Why you’re hoping for tips on “dealing” or coping. Because it would be SO much easier if you just changed, right?
Not how it works. All you’d be doing there is allowing resentment to creep into your relationship. And maybe it hums along for months or years… but resentment always overwhelms in the end.
So yeah. Hard conversation time. And you know… people are surprising. He may step up to the challenge. But he may also not, and that’s just a risk you’re gonna have to take. What’s most likely is he will be able to do it, but you’re gonna need to prod him like every step of the way. With reminder prods if/when he slips in the future.
Communication is KEY here. And you have been doing all the communication and that’s the issue. I say that’s the issue because you are doing all the work in the relationship. And that’s not fair to you. Stop playing nice and tell him THE TRUTH. Tell him how his behavior AFFECTS YOU, how he dissapoints you, how he takes FOR FUCKING EVER to text tou back. Relationships need boundaries and YOUR BOUNDARIES ARE NOT MET. If all he does is apologize and nothing changes and there’s no commitment in his part to change. You are going to be stuck with the nicest guy who can’t seem to ever give you the first move and it will be ALWAYS LIKE THIS and you need to ask yourself: Will it make me happy being with someone who lacks to give me the romance unless I START? This behavior won’t change and he’ll be like this even when you’re married. Ask him about his childhood, ask him about his insecurities/traumas because somewhere in there lies the answer to his behavior. But, at the end of the day, YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY and if he’s not going to work on himself to be the man YOU NEED, then part ways.
As a shy person my self as long as you keep being friendly and patient he’ll feel more and more confident.
Never give him any sort grief (not saying you do) for being honest because when I’m in that situation I feel I can’t speak freely around them.