I (27F) still live at home with my grandparents and aunt. They raised me since I was a baby since my mom had me when she was young so she left me with them. They gave me a good life. Always made sure I was well fed, when I need something they are always there. They spoiled me and showed me how much they care. Even till now they always supported me and if I needed something they help me… but one thing they are is very hypocritical .. they think they are always right and they are very very judgmental ..
anyways I started dating a family friend (29M) we been together for almost a year but till this weekend everyone found out .. I didn’t tell them but they heard about it.. my grandpa was like “I can’t believe that’s the guy you chose to be with, why can’t you find someone else , he’s making you into a smoker and He isn’t welcomed here” (he vapes and he thinks I vape but I don’t) then my grandma went off on me and said “I can’t believe you’re with that guy he’s a alcoholic and he will end up beating on you and I will not be there for you no more and he treats like a piece of meat because you sleep over and he drops you off in the morning that’s like a prositute and if he loves you so much a man will make you move in with him so that it is a respectful relationship but not the way he is treating you now , and that guy likes to be with a lot of girls and he will end up breaking your heart and you haven’t experienced love before so why now risk it for a guy who doesn’t value you”.. for one this guy loves me so much and he never laid hands on anyone .. he has two kids and he is responsible .. he works he does have his own place and he tells me all the time to move in with him but I’m honestly not ready . He isn’t an alcoholic . He shows me so much respect he makes sure if I need anything and the family that knows him likes him .. he has a good heart and he always cares about other people .. I love him too and it breaks my heart the way they talk about him because they don’t know how much he loves me and how good he treats me .. he is the only thing right now that is making me happy .. some of my cousins also says you are too pretty for him you can do better than that and be careful because he is a player and blah blah .: it’s like dude you guys can’t say anything about our relationship because no one knows anything .. it just makes me upset and hurt and it’s like I don’t want to feel force to move in because of how they treat me but then again is like why stay home at if I can’t be happy with him? Now they are becoming more strict with me threatening to take my things away but I know they are sad since I’m the baby of the family and I do a lot for them as well .. sometimes I just want to run away from all this negativity and go live with my mom (she lives in another state) and I told him how I felt and he said please don’t go please stay with me and we can both figure things out together he swears he never been so happy in his life since he met me and he only only thought about marriage with me because he loves me so much .. I just don’t know what to do .: I’m in my head and I believe things and is like no one wants us to be together and they will always try to break us .. I told him Honestly if you don’t love me then just let me go and let me be because I can’t risk losing alot for you to end up leaving me for someone else and he’s like no no I really do love you I’m doing alot for you and us .. but it’s like if I stay home I risk losing him because we won’t be able to spend a lot of time together and if I live with him then I risk losing my family and their respect .. and I move with my mom then I can get away from everything and just start new ..
TL;DR- started dating a family friend and my family don’t approve of him .. thinking about what to do
4 comments
Okay. So your family loves you and they have told you all of their concerns. And you have listened to their concerns, but none of them are true.
The problem that you have is that your family is being unsupportive and they are starting to take away your things and treat you as if you are a child more than ever. Even though your boyfriend will let you move in with him, you are not ready yet. What if you move out and go live by yourself? What if you go move in with a bunch of roommates? This way you can experience living by yourself and pick up all kinds of life skills that you may not have realized that you might need. Then your grandparents can’t take away things because you will be living by yourself. I think this space and time would be good for everyone to heal and remember that you are an adult now.
He does have children and I think this would be a good way for you to grow quickly as a person, get to know his children when he is ready, and think about whether or not this relationship and the role of stepmother is for you.
It’s not good to be forced into only one option. You have lots of options. Take your time!
You are 27, they cant just take away your things, threaten you or force you to stay at home. Maybe its best to move out. Also that being said all of them knows him too and all of them agrees on same thing can be an alert tbh. Its not always accurate but i’d still be cautious since you love him you might not see bad sides yet. Just keep in mind what they all said and dont let your brain+heart get defensive. Take good care and dont let anyone control you even if they are family
He’s a *family* friend but they judged you for dating him? And they don’t judge themselves the same way for, I’m assuming they’re allowing him into the home knowing what they know?
Honey grow a pair , your grown ass woman