Hey guys, never thought I would write something on here but here I am… Sorry if this doesn’t make sense I am literally writing this after a huge arguement where she is asking me to decide whether we stay together…
My GF (29F) and me (29M) have been dating for a little over a year and a couple months. We have been arguing a lot lately to a point that I genuinely feel like it is taking a mental toll on my health. I love her to death but things are getting extremely difficult. We have been arguing alot lately and it is always the same cycle. We argue about something for hours on the phone, we go to bed, the next day she or I apologize mostly her because she will wake up before I do but we still mostly end up having the argument again. I am not perfect nor claim to be, I have a lot to work on internally to become a better man. My girlfriend is also unfortunately very insecure, about females from my past. I had two really close best friends that were female form college but have never been romantically involved with to any degree. In the past, my GF was not happy that I was close to one in particular (We will call her Katy) as Katy and I scheduled a road trip before I even met my current GF. I mentioned it to my GF when we first started going out letting her know everything. I believe that the best policy for any relationship is just be an open book.
They can look at my phone, messages, and anything else because I never have anything to hid. As it got closer to the date of my trip my GF became extremely unhappy with the trip with Katy as she said it is disrespectful to her and our relationship. This made me upset as this changed once things got booked. I would not have minded changing my plans if she was honest from the beginning but now at this point it was rude and frankly upsetting. We had some huge arguments but ultimately compromised on certain conditions if I ever were to hang out with Katy again and did not go on the trip. Katy understood and is now dating someone currently. Fast forward to a year later and I have still not seen Katy since before my relationship with my GF started and I brought up that she wanted me to go to her Master’s Graduation in attendance with Katy’s Bf and family. My Gf still ultimately got upset saying that it was weird I was going to visit a woman in another state. I told her that I am simply meeting the conditions she set. 1. Once in a while 2. Not stay over at her place. I ultimately did not end up going. Now to last night. My GF and I have just spent the entire weekend together visiting her friends and spending time with them even though I need some of this time to pack for my move but most of the friends in that group will no longer be living in our city and I wanted her to see them as we both get extremely busy.
Yesterday after spending all weekend together, she brings up that i liked a instagram post of another girl who I once slept with but was good friends with for many years. It was picture of her and her BF in their new house they just bought together. My GF said it was disrespectful of me to like her picture of another woman I slept with but told her I am just happy for her and her BF as they looked truly happy. There was no comment just a like. We got into an argument stating that she loves me but feels as I am not as respectful as I used to be and that all she wants is for me to respect her and keep trying. I love her and think she is amazing but this constant insecurities are hurting my feelings for her. The story above is just one example of how her insecurities are weighing on me from speaking my mind. I have never felt or tried as hard in a relationship before and truly believe she loves me but every argument feels like im being drained and I am not sure what to do anymore. Again sorry for the rant and lack of cohesiveness.
What should I do ? Feel free to ask questions if you have the.
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**tl;dr**: My girlfriend told me that I should have respected her more by not liking a previous flings instagram picture of her and her BF. What should I do ?
1 comment
Your girlfriend is very insecure. This is her problem and if she wants any relationship to work, she needs to deal with it and overcome it. Only she can do this.
People develop insecurities due to a number of reasons or traumas. It is up to us as individuals, to deal with serious difficulties resulting from past relationships, or our own personal problems we have or at lease start to deal with them in a positive way, before we engage in a new relationship. If we don’t, we bring these problems into the relationship, and we end up sabotaging the relationship.
We can even tramatise healthy partners with the unresolved trauma we bring into these relationships, as we will develop problems and issues that normally would not happen if we were emotionally happy. We become a negative and hostile variable in the relationship with needless negative issues we will bring up and develop.
Your gf was not emotional healthy enough to start a relationship with anyone, when she started this one with you. She is too insecure. She views problems that are not there, because of her insecurity. This will not stop until she gets professional help. She obviously isn’t able to deal with these issues on her own or she wouldn’t be acting the way she is.
I hate to break it to you mate, but if she doesn’t get help, this thing you have is just going to get worse, that is if you stay. She has to accept she has a problem before she can get help. Then she has to seek out therapy, buy into the therapy, and develop strategies and coping mechanisms to start dealing with her problems. That will take a long time. And I preface accepting she has a problem and wanting to do something about it or she will not change.
Insecurity is an unstable variable and unstable people can’t conduct a calm, reasonable relationship. They just sabotage their relationship with unrealistic fears.
Relationships unravel when people fight each other over problems instead of teaming up together and working together to defeat the problem. Both parties have to recognise that they are a team so they can fight the problem, not each other or things just fall apart and the arguing against each other never ends. It doesn’t sound like you two are a team.