I (25F) met a guy (25M) at a bar this weekend. That alone might be reason enough he wasn’t *really* interested, but I’m hesitant with love–and lust–and can’t stop wondering how I read it all wrong.
I knew his friends told my friends that all he was looking for was a one-night stand, which is why I didn’t go home with him, but it still felt like more, and I feel completely ridiculous that I played myself.
I’m a pretty rational girl, and I know lust in many forms, and this felt so far from that. Now I’m not saying it was “love at first sight” or anything, but I feel like people feel connections and then some people feel connections and chemistry, and this was that.
The thing is, it was a bar in a vacation town where I wasn’t there looking for anything. And I didn’t think he was either. But he was patient and not pushy and for some reason, was so content just talking to me all night–amongst some PDA. Beyond the normal flirting and witty conversation, he would randomly ask questions about “our future” (not long term) but, “if this were to happen and we were together, would you do xyz” or “when we find a time when I can take you out when we are home” (we live near each other hometown wise), and I just feel like one night stands don’t care, or at least actively don’t make an effort to refer to any future anything.
He gave me his number to text as we parted ways, saying he would reach out to make plans to meet up after the holiday weekend. After sending my name, I never got a follow-up–that night or next day, or today. Which is fine–I’m not going cry about it, but I really thought there was something more to it.
Maybe I’m just out of touch–are guys just getting better at saying all the right things? Why do they keep saying all the right things even after they know you aren’t going home with them?
I think I’m just looking for some explanation as to why guys can just change their minds. Is it as simple as that? I decided that it couldn’t be the fact I wouldn’t sleep with him that night, because I feel like sex isn’t reason enough to change his mind. But could it be the ick? Could it be that he’s salty that I was so into it but wouldn’t go home with him, just disappointing him?
It’s not *him* that I care about, it’s making sure I don’t eff up again–or simply be foolish enough to misread it all.
TL:DR; do guys simply move on just because, with no reasoning at all? what are the actual signs he is just wanting to sleep with you despite all the words he’s saying?
2 comments
>I think I’m just looking for some explanation as to why guys can just change their minds.
Same reason anyone can change their minds about anything. They just do.
I mean you’ve probably changed your mind multiple times today about all sorts of stuff. Not necessary for any concrete reason, but because you just did.
Maybe it’s too soon to worry. Give him time to recuperate from the weekend, if that’s what’s happening. Send him a “Good morning!” text tomorrow, then wait.
If he doesn’t reply by bed time tomorrow, follow up with:
“Hey, I hope everything’s OK. I’d like to see you again.””
“If not, I understand but please don’t leave me hanging. At least say “Goodbye” or “F*** off!”