How did you rebuild your life from scratch after divorce?

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1. Got a new job, moved into a studio apartment, and just kept putting one foot in front of the other.

2. Baby steps. You don’t have to decide or solve everything today. Just decide what to have for dinner and what music to listen to. Remind yourself to take care of yourself, sleep, drink water, eat food.

   Grieving has all these sad anger rage etc feelings that will come and go. I mourned all the things we had planned to do someday back when we worked well as a couple together more than the relationship itself sometimes if that makes any sense. Mourning the future we will never have now.

   When you’ve slept 8 hrs in the last 24, eaten, drink 2 glasses of water and feel otherwise stable sit down with a pen and paper. Make a giant scary list of all the things that need to happen. Brainstorm it out. You’re not going to do any of them today. You’re just listing them. Then slowly start tackling it over the next months. Start with easy stuff. Its easier to do hard tasks if you’ve built momentum with the simpler stuff. Stuff like deciding if you want to keep your half the dishes or sell and buy new ones all the way to stuff like making sure your life insurance beneficiary and medical next of kin forms are updated.

   You will survive this. You will be happy again someday I promise. It will not always be this overwhelming.

3. I took a look at my budget, cut out what I could, found a place to live, and went to counseling.

4. Started going to AlAnon, had to quit my job and be a substitute teacher full time, and went to school at night and on the weekends, and in the summer to get certified by the next school year. Got a job teaching in the school my kids were attending full time, less than five minutes from my house.

   After the second divorce (same guy), I got a job substitute teaching. I’d had to quit teaching because my kids were being crazy and I wanted them to finish high school. Then hostessing, then moved 5h away and kept hostessing.