Guys who have been divorced, have you ever gotten back with a woman that you dated shortly after your divorce but ended things with because you felt that you were not ready to have a new relationship at that time? Have you ever reached out to her after more time has passed since your divorce and when you feel that you are ready for a serious relationship?
I went on a few dates with a guy who has been divorced for half a year, after a short marriage that was only one month (their entire relationship including marriage was only one year during the pandemic). He told me that after thinking more about things, he does not feel ready for a new relationship. We had gone on four dates and known each other for a bit over a month. He had gone on many dates with different women after his divorce, but I was his first relationship. He had been thinking about defining the relationship when he decided that he was not ready. I’m not going to wait for him, but I wonder if he will reach out to me after more time has passed and when he feels ready for a serious relationship. He also mentioned that he wants to be friends, which I am not sure about. Do you think keeping in touch will make it more likely for him to consider a relationship with me in the future when he feels ready?
Edit: We were dating exclusively and he had deleted his online dating profile during the time that he was considering defining the relationship. We did not sleep together.
9 comments
He lied to you. When he said he wasn’t ready for a relationship, what he meant was, he didn’t want to be in a relationship with you. He didn’t want to commit to you. Because if he truly felt that after 4 dates with you, then he wouldn’t have continued dating other women.
After my divorce I dated this girl for about an year, but I was in a dark place with severe trust issues.(my ex cheated on me, and tried to take everything from me in court), so I after realizing that I wasn’t ready for a relationship, and it was cruel of me to continue giving false hope to her, I talked to her about it, and we decided to go our separate ways. I did not even attempt to date anyone since then because I don’t know if I’m ready yet..
Separated now almost two years. Divorced just shy of one.
Thinking about all the women I dated, maybe one would be one I could see myself considering something with again, but doubtful. In each one I determined we weren’t compatible, either right away or after reflecting later. I won’t say that anyone would be ready if the right person showed up because that’s bullshit. Sometimes people really aren’t in a place where they want to date, regardless of who shows up. So his excuse could be legit, but it could also just be his easy way to say he isn’t interested without owning it.
I’ve also learned that being friends with people I’ve met on OLD is fruitless. I don’t recommend it. Do what you want, but if your goal is to move on and be available for someone who wants to date you, trying to be friends with this guy, who you have feelings for, is a detriment to the goal.
My advice is let him know you understand, that you don’t think being friends makes sense for you but let him know if he gets to a place he’s ready to date and open to an ltr to reach out and you can catch up and see if something is still there.
The first woman I saw after my marriage ended I fell a little in love with and she a little in love with me. We ended up on and off for a year because I was too fresh out of my marriage (and had issues I had to work on because of the ABSOLUTE disaster my marriage had been) and she was husband hunting, but we couldn’t stay away. There were more than a few fantasies exchanged of lives together and regret we didn’t meet at different stages of our life.
Covid kinda put the end to that as we were over 2 hours away. We stayed in contact though. 3 months after our last night together she met another guy. 2 months after that she said we could no longer have any contact as I was a sore spot in her new relationship (which, fair enough). 1 month after that they were married.
I still often think of her as “The one who got away” despite intellectually knowing there were a lot of issues besides my fresh out of a marriage that would have come up had we actually decided to be serious.
I (35M) separated from my ex about a year ago, and we recently finalized our divorce.
I started dating about 3 months after the separation, which was undoubtedly way too soon. Coincidentally, I hit it off with the first woman I went on a date with. We went on five dates over the course of a month (including meeting her friends and sleeping together) before she called it off because I clearly was not over my ex. The final straw was when she came over to my place and noticed that I still had a photo book commemorating my wedding on display! 🤦♂️
She told me “you’re not ready” and “maybe in six months”, which I took pretty seriously. After a frantic couple months of dating, I took a break and decided to wait until my divorce was final — and then immediately reached back. She has a boyfriend now so we didn’t meet up, but otherwise I gladly would have dated her again. I really liked her, and besides, who wants to start OLD again from scratch?
The bottom line is that it’s impossible to predict how somebody is going to feel months from now, or if he’s even genuinely still interested. What you can do is state your feelings and desires clearly. Encourage him to reach out again when he feels ready. It might work out, and what do you have to lose?
I don’t think it really makes sense to stay friends in the meantime. Perhaps you would stay more on his mind, but that seems like a really messy friendship, especially if you already hooked up. Better to draw a firm boundary about what feels right to you. The right man will respect you for it.
Someone I’ve actually dated for any real period of time, no. Would I go out with someone again that I only went out with once or twice and enjoyed myself with? Sure.
I met someone I really fell for while I was in no fit condition to be dating. We went to and fro for about a year. I wasted her time and mine. She’s getting married next month to somebody who gave her the stability that I couldn’t. That’s something I had to wear.
Being friends subsequently has been the hardest thing I’ve done, but she became the first female relationship I’ve had without sexual tension. For that, and many other things I’m grateful for her.
I dated a wonderful woman off and on for two years after my divorce. Our kinks matched, we built each other up mentally and emotionally from divorces, we lived together a few times, we had pretty good chemistry and a lot of the same views. We ran into issues as far as child disciple, money spending and accountability for actions. The biggest problem I had was I was numb and couldn’t feel love. She loved/loves me to death but I just hurt her because I couldn’t reciprocate it. I had to walk away. Besides a one nighter with her 4months ago we’ve been separated for 10months. I’ve had a new relationship in that time where the woman was emotionally abusive, manipulative and damaging to me which I think broke down some barrier I put up from divorce because I did feel genuine love again, just wasted it on the wrong person. So I am still considering hitting up the wonderful woman again and maybe making a go again. Also I’m 33m and she is 50 so quite an age difference. Idk
Not a guy and not divorced. But I am a woman who has wasted time on men who were not available or not interested.
He has ended things because he doesn’t want to continue dating you and doesn’t want to be with you. Don’t make up stories about it. He has told you exactly where he stands.
You need to move on. Do not keep in touch. Doesn’t need to be dramatic. Fully and completely let this one go. You are just wasting time and energy.
I’d either reach out and see where things stand with you two or just move on from him completely.
I’ve been divorced, but I haven’t ever tried to get back together with someone.