Hi there,
I’m a college grad who used to be very very shy, so I understand why I didn’t have any friends throughout high school. Through college though I tried to be more social, I joined a sorority, I made a couple friends, but then my good friend ghosted me out of nowhere and even switched classes to not be around me, which I found really strange. I didn’t do anything hurtful or rude to her from what I understand, we never had any arguments, she never told me anything. This has happened quite a few times similarly.
Recently I’ve been trying to make friends from some acquaintances and have tried talking through text but most recently I just added a new ‘friend’ and we talked for one day on text and then she just ghosted me out of nowhere and hasn’t replied in 5 days. I haven’t sent anything as a follow up yet, I want to give her a week.
I don’t think I’m a rude or gross/bad hygiene person as I’ve really worked on myself but I do know that I am a little awkward and maybe I appear too desperate to make friends. It’s really making me sad and lonely as this is how I’ve been my whole life and I go weeks without getting a single text.
Please give me some advice!
5 comments
Can’t really say without seeing your interactions with people, but it’s tough to make friends as an adult. Feel free to message me if you wanna chat.
May be they got some bad information or vibes about you from others. Once they spread random shit or distorted information about you all the victims will start perceiving you as in that context. Or may be you are just boring person just like I’m with girls lmao
This happens very often, as we get older it becomes harder to meet and keep new friends, but it’s no impossible. All I can tell you, just as an opinion, is to not take the blame. It’s so common for us to just take all the blame and think we are the problem, but it’s not healthy nor correct. I would advise to just keep meeting people until you find some that appreciate you, it’s hard and challenging but can be done. It’s impossible to force people to be your friend, and understand that even tho it’s hard and discouraging, to let them go if you did everything from your part and they still weren’t interested.
Hmmm just based on your post you seem pretty well adjusted. Hard to say without talking to you. One thing I’ll say is people ghost for everything these days. If they just don’t feel like being friends or they get bored, ghosted. I understand _why_ people do it, it’s an easy way to not have to deal with rejecting someone, but it makes it hard to know what you’re doing wrong.
Maybe you’re trying to befriend the wrong crowd? Are the friends you’ve been trying to make outside of your general vibe? (e.g. maybe they’re big partiers and you’re more of a homebody or vice versa).
Think about it this way. You want people to text/invite/connect with you, which is fine. But why should people text/invite/connect with you ? The truth is people subconsciously attach you to the value you bring to your interactions. In other words, there has to be a clear, unique, and convincing reason for people to reach out to you. People gather this from the quality of conversations you have with them. You reaching out or knowing them for a long time isn’t simply enough for them to reach out to you. You have to genuinely connect with them in person, be confident in expressing yourself in person, and bring positive vibes. Even better, find ways to add to people’s lives. Maybe you have a skill, hobby, or talent that aligns with people’s interests. Let them know about it. Offer to help people in some aspect of life. People respect those who impact their lives.
In general, people are hardwired to be repulsed by neediness and desperation. They gravitate towards somebody who is self confident and well-rounded in life. You need to focus on becoming genuinely busy in life pursuing your goals and hobbies, while learning how to interact with other people on the side. Find something you enjoy doing or are passionate for and keep doing it overtime. Find groups in your area who are also pursuing the same thing. Chase excellence, not people.