This might be silly but basically, my boyfriend does not like me hanging out with guys in general. This is due to the fact that he knows I used to fuck around before. Now this has nothing to do with me now, as I don’t do that anymore and only did when I was like 18-19. They were all consensual relations and hookups. I have never been the jealous type and even when I get feelings like that I shrug them off because I know he would never cheat or hurt me like that. But he has accused me of being sketchy or shady. (Projection maybe? Trust issues?) He always asks what I’m doing or where I’m at when I let him know I’ll be hanging out with my friends. He only does this when it’s a guy. Which kinda feels weird since I’m bisexual, feels invalidating. I have been friends with (let’s call him Steve) for 2/3 years. We have never been involved and he is a great friend. We hang out occasionally and it’s always just grabbing some food talking and then I head home. My boyfriend got super upset and asked me to get rid of him, his number and social media. He never wants it to be an issue again so asked me to remove him or else he would reconsider this relationship. Is this good enough to break up with him or should I just do it and keep my relationship? Sorry this is so long ): (I’ll mention, besides this issue he is a great bf)
Tltr; my boyfriend wants me to get rid of my male friend who I’ve know for years and consider him my good friend or else he will break up with me
23 comments
get rid of the man child bf.
Classic abusive behavior, this is a red flag and he’s trying to isolate you from others
He doesn’t trust you and without trust there is not stable relationship. He needs to work on his trust issues before getting into relationships. This is 100% a valid reason to break up with him imo.
He’s probably knows when guys hangout with attached girls and it’s just the two there’s usually more to it and the guy hopes you’ll give in for sex also sounds like your BF is not part of this group or single guys have asked him to come out with you?
Nooooooope get rid of boyfriend.
Let me guess, he has friends who are women? Definitely break up with him. Controlling behavior is always wrong.
I think there should be certain boundaries between those we might have sex with. Your boyfriend seems to be getting serious but knows you’re too high risk atm especially if he’s picking up on any sexual tension and he’s clued up about relationship statistics.
Your boyfriend seeing you pick the other man over him will tell him all he has to know.
Even if you say you’re Bi, from my understanding most women tend to tilt hugely to sleeping with and having relationships with men.
there isn’t anything you can do to fix his own insecurities. that is something he needs to do himself.
Biphobia and controlling because of his trust issues/insecurities is definitely a good reason to break up with him.
It can be solved with a conversation however because otherwise he may never grow.
“I am not going to cater to your insecurities and block my friend. It’s also invalidating that you only have problem with guys because I am bisexual. If I was going to cheat on you, I hope you realize I could do it with women as well. You either trust me or you don’t and right now it feels as if you simply dont trust me. With that being said you can break up with me if this is a deal breaker for you but I’m not dropping my friends to appease your controlling trust issues.”
Tbh I wouldn’t be feeling that great about my partner hanging out with people of the opposite sex one on one. You get to an age where u grow out of that stuff. But ye bf sounds mehh
He is being unreasonable. My ex-girlfriend (we broke up for other reasons) had several good male friends and I actively encouraged her to do stuff with their friend group (both men and women). If someone can’t trust their partner they shouldn’t be in a relationship.
Bruh if y’all never done anything and it’s always food then you leaving
Then he should have no issues.
A great boyfriend is not controlling and manipulative. You are allowed to have male friends that don’t have any romantic entanglement in a healthy monogamous relationship.
if you were bisexual, would you not be allowed to have women friends either?
It would be much stranger if neither of you had platonic friends of the opposite sexes.
I’m kind of wondering how many of your friends you’ve had relations with. Because if most, I can understand why he might be uncomfortable.
Red flag. Tell him flat no and if he brings it up again, you will dump him. See what happens. If it’s further red flags, move on.
He’s still young so this COULD just be immaturity, but this is also red flag behavior for the kind of controlling-ness that leads to abuse. Step carefully from here on out.
I’d try to talk to him about it, it’s hard some times as a guy and it’s really something he needs to control if it is something that could be triggering him.
Easy if you fucked around with dude before, and you are serious about the bf ditch the friend. If you are not that serious , ditch the bf. At one point when you are actually serious distractions are not worth having. Other friend dude gonna want it whether he admits it or not. Guys do the same thing keeping a girl around while having a gf as a just in case. Hard to be serious at 22.. but possible.
“Leave him”
Should be stamped on every post. Holy shit this sub is ass.
There’s a difference between setting boundaries with your guy friend and completely cutting him off… bf seems like he has some insecurities 🙁
Your partner should NEVER ask you to get rid of friends. Trust me , I’ve been through it and worse. I think you should break up. There’s a possibility if you examine the relationship further, you’ll find additional red flags and manipulative behavior. Please don’t continue this, you deserve someone who doesn’t want to control you.
You should get rid of your boyfriend, and stay friends with Steve.
Your boyfriend is jealous and controlling. He doesn’t trust you. You deserve better than that. There is nothing wrong with a platonic female/male friendship.
If your boyfriend breaks up if you keep your friendship, that’s fine. You are better off without him anyways.
Nah fam. If you got a serious boyfriend you don’t hang out with single dudes anymore That’s what children do in high school. Maybe college. But if this is a serious relationship you should be hanging out alone with people that you could potentially hook up with. Call me old fashioned. Call me controlling but I call it a healthy boundary.
Usually people who act like that are hiding things themselves.