so, my mom, my girlfriend (22) and me (23) came to my home country for family related stuff. my girlfriend joined me because she didn’t want to let me travel without her. everything was fine for the last 3 days since we got here but what happened today really took the cake. so, we went to a different city and had to check in at the hotel. my gf and I waited outside while my mom was checking in. as my mom got out she told us that we all three would have to share a room for 2 days and my girlfriend didn’t like that.
as she kept saying no i got really angry and told her she should sleep in the car. my mom got really pissed at her because to her thats no big deal. my gf then started telling my mom that she didn’t inform us about having to share the room and that she needed some privacy. my mom and i then went to the hotel room. i laid down on the bed and was looking at my phone. i saw that i got voice messages from my gf. those voice messages where her basically hysterically crying and begging me to come and „help“ her.
i went to the car and got in and we started arguing and screaming really aggressive at each other. after a while my mom came too and started arguing with her. my gf kept saying that its not her fault and that she just wanted us to be informed before booking a hotelroom in which i actually agree with her in my mind. but my mom is paying for everything and because of that i think we don’t really have a say on anything.
after that my mom wanted to drag her out of car and get her inside but my gf resisted and really tried to break off my mom holding her like in a really aggressive way. my mom let her eventually go and then she ran away, at midnight, in a foreign country and city and without speaking the language. i tried to go after her but she kept running like a child.
luckily there was a police station next to the hotel and we went there and told them what happened. they helped us looking for her and we eventually found her just sitting on a bench a couple of streets next to the hotel. i don’t know what i should do and how i can continue a healthy relationship with this person.
im sorry for the long story but i don’t know with who else i can talk about this
8 comments
Well you didn’t exactly help the situation. The poor girls in a foreign country and you guys can’t seem to communicate properly and now she’s hysterical and in a foreign country with no one to help her cuz you wouldn’t side with her.
This is a joke, right?
Poor girl.
I understand your mom pays for everything but from your post she didn’t say anything aggressive but just wanted to be informed. She’s old enough to ask for privacy and if you or your mom would inform her maybe she would happily pay for herself and have peace.
I can’t imagine, being in a car, crying and then physically abused by someone’s else mother’s. And top of everything being in a foreign country.
Imagine you being abused like that by her brother/father/mom etc. what would you do? In my opinion she didn’t do anything wrong. Cried and run away. I would go to the police and report your mom immediately. You mom could/should have just stay in the room and not get involved at that point. Lucky you she didn’t go to the police.
And yet you still say “I can’t continue a healthy relationship w her” it’s up to you. But I don’t think you have a healthy relationship w your mom neither. You didn’t write anything her actions being wrong.
Poor girl. If this post is real I wish her luck and hopefully she’ll break up w you.
She wouldn’t let you travel alone to your mom, and now she threw a temper tantrum over having to share a free room with your mom.
These are two red flags and show things that are probably never going to change about her.
Having had an ex like this I remember these types of things happening early in the relationship, and I let them slide. They never got better and I personally will never put up with this stuff in the future with the next one.
You want advice? Fine. Tell the girl the truth, that she is far better off without you. Her expectations were realistic, yours are not. It never occurred to tell her what the room arrangements would be til you were there? Wow!
You give everything to your mother but nothing to your partner. Why would any partner choose you when you refuse to reciprocate? If your girlfriend’s mother did the same to you, you would have no issue with it?
Unfortunately you are not looking for advice on how to fix your relationship or your part in this debacle. Instead you are looking for advice on how to tell this poor girl that she is delusional. She isn’t.
Wow im sorry man. Thats not easy.
If this is common… You will go crazy dude.
I wonder why she didn’t want you to travel alone. Does she want to have shared experiences with you in your home country? Does she not trust you? Either way your mom sounds gross and abusive. I don’t mean to be rude, but grabbing somebody, trying to pull them from a vehicle, and not stopping after protest? Gross. I would leave you right there and shake my ass home. The fact that you watched your girlfriend get assaulted by your mother? Weird. The bottom line is that you and your girlfriend have an adult and mature relationship. I would be incredibly uncomfortable sharing a room with my partners mother. I could understand staying with in-laws that you have known for years and built trust with…but that isn’t what’s going on here. Why did nobody bother to ask why she was uncomfortable? Did you guys make any effort to express empathy? I mean honestly. She could have trauma or really needs private space for her mental heath. It’s not only weird that you didn’t ask, but it’s also alarming that you don’t know your girlfriend well enough to understand that privacy is a trigger for her. It’s inappropriate for you mother to arrange for you all to sleep in the same hotel room without asking consent first. I don’t care if she’s paying. Did anybody ask gf if she could pay her own rate for a room? Your girlfriend was literally expressing that she just wanted prior notice. She gets to have boundaries, you know? Anyway both you and your mom sound abusive and I hope that your girlfriend finds somebody that respects her enough to consider her needs and be empathic with her. I hope this isn’t real.
This would’ve never happened if you would’ve just purchased your own hotel room like a fucking adult