Emotionally Unstable/Unavailable mom

I’m going to try and keep this as objective as possible to save myself and you the time. She is 49 years old

My mom is emotionally unstable to say the least. As a child, she would beat me physically for the mistakes of others. She tried to pin me against my dad, who was working to secure us financially, by saying that he was the emotionally absent one. I grew up hating him, only to now understand the burden he held with his job and my complaining mother (I basically love the man now, he is my whole world). She pulled me into being her therapist since I was old enough to empathize, and always made me feel responsible for her emotional wellbeing (there were times I was terrified she’d commit suicide). Only last month she threatened to beat me if I didn’t help stop my sister from drinking with her friends so often. I grew a hyper-obedient kid who never had his own voice

She is extremely sensitive to criticism, and always sees bad in peoples’ actions, even when they want good for her. My aunt wrote recited her a poem recently in front of a crowd, and she said that she was being degraded, which wasn’t the case. She is splitting my family apart and I can’t see myself and my dad suffer any longer. I recently told her that if she wants to be a part of my life she needs to start going to therapy, she hasn’t even tried.

I feel myself being mentally broken down when I’m around her. I can no longer focus on the problems of my own life which has given me a personality disorder already. What should I do?

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TL;DR: Unstable mom who sees bad in every part of the world. She has made me lose my sense of identity and I can no longer focus on my own life. I have a personality disorder that is slowly getting resolved, but I feel myself losing my own identity again