I downright refuse to believe I am destined to be romantically alone for the rest of my life but life experience up to this point is telling me otherwise. Any advice on how I can overcome the inherent unattractiveness of my dwarfism and be successful in dating anyway?
Edit: After quite a few responses, I noticed a trend. There are non-descript commenters that don’t fall into either category, however the comments that are definitely from other men, they’re very defeatist and tell me to quit to avoid the heartache. The comments definitely from women, they’re all telling me to try to find confidence in myself regardless of it and build myself up like any adult man should. I’m going to choose to believe women about how to appeal to women, thanks for your insight and opinions, everyone!
26 comments
[deleted]
My dude, the first thing to do is remove that “inherent unattractiveness” from your vocabulary. If 99% of the world thinks you’re unattractive, that still leaves seventy-five million people who want what you’ve got, so get out there!
Keep putting yourself out there, stay confident. Shoot your shot – you never know who might be into you. Present yourself as the suave, debonair man you are; dress nicely, make eye contact, smile, flirt, be curious and interested in people. Some people may dismiss you for your physical appearance, but the right one won’t – and they are out there, I promise.
You’ve got this.
You have to make yourself desirable the way most men have to, great career and money so that they even see you as a choice and after that extrapolate those who are interested in dating someone with a disability.
My dude, Peter Dinklage is handsome af. No reason you can’t be too.
Edit: To clarify, to say you’re inherently unattractive is incorrect, since I can easily pull up someone with dwarfism who isn’t unattractive. It’s definitely an inherent disadvantage, but it’s not an inherent unattractiveness.
As a follow up, I worked with a guy who also had dwarfism and wasn’t physically attractive. However, he was funny, charming, and confident as hell despite all that. He was happily married to an average height woman who was (when she was younger, anyway) pretty cute. Just like with anyone with any disadvantages, you can overcome up with a killer personality. Level up that charisma skill!!
A good sense of humor will make any guy more attractive, make me laugh my ass off and you’ll probably be taking me home lol
Damn! I feel like a lot of people make up excuses and blame their height or natural beauty but I’ll be honest, I’d really expect being a dwarf to put you at a disadvantage and means your playing on hard mode
However the game is still played the same. Make sure you’re well groomed, well dressed, a big personality will definitely help, stable job doesn’t hurt, big social group is great, find confidence despite your size – nobody wants to join a pity party.
So when you say that life has told you that you are undesirable, do you mean to other people with dwarfism or to everyone else on earth? Are you only attracted to women that don’t have dwarfism? We need more details here man. If you are struggling to date women with dwarfism, then I think it would be best to ask others in that community that have had success what worked for them. Most people here will have no idea about the challenges you face. Short dudes cry all the time here but that’s not the same as someone with dwarfism that is struggling with dating. You need advice from some people that have lived the same life experiences you have. There are a lot of communities online that you can become a part of. If you’re trying to find women that don’t have dwarfism, then I’ll be honest, you’re looking for a unicorn. It’s possible, but not likely. And you would need to take the same advice the rest of us get, keep talking to women to gain experience, go out more, be comfortable being out in public by yourself and approaching women, improve your hygiene and wardrobe, improve your education and hobbies, improve your finances, get in better shape and all that. The only time you’re guaranteed to be alone is when you give up and stop trying.
I wouldn’t entirely rule out attempting to date “normal” people, but I would additionally recommend perhaps seeming out women with dwarfism. I do t know how common it is and perhaps this suggestion comes off as tone deaf, but can’t hurt. Besides that, the usual grooming, dressing well, maybe working out too. And of course don’t forget, once initial physical attraction is established, personality becomes the most important. Good luck out there king
You’re not ‘destined’ to be single; but I think you’re already hitting the nail on the head. It’s just going to be hard and there’s no magic bullet you’ll find on here.
I’d say, personally, to find something to replace the desire for a relationship with.
The other thing to consider is that you’re not the only
person with dwarfism which means this issue of loneliness is not exclusive to you. I’d wager most others with dwarfism your age are going through the same thing. Idk if that’s comforting or disheartening but I think it’s good info to work with nonetheless.
Also Peter Dinklage is a sexy ass dude.
I’m really glad you refuse to believe you’re destined to be alone, because you’re absolutely not. That being said, you are playing the game on ultra hard mode. I get an incredible amount of shit for being sub 5’ and I’m a gal, so I cannot imagine. I’m sure your unique outlook on life has given you a level of emotional maturity most guys your age don’t have. I think your best bet is to approach women as friends to begin with, and dazzle them with your personality before suggesting romance.
Live well. Get educated, a job you care about that pays enough to be comfortable, develop interests and hobbies, make friends, treat people well, learn good communication skills. Tell your friends and acquaintances that you’re looking.
Honestly, this advice is good for anyone, myself included.
I will say I was in a convenience store many years ago and a man with dwarfism walked by. I was instantly attracted to him. He had a nice face, nice haircut, well-groomed, well dressed, and just appeared totally confident going about his business.
I’m 5’6 and it’s bad as hell for me. Gotten blown out because of my height hundreds of times at this point. I can’t imagine how bad it is for a guy with legit dwarfism.
Becoming very wealthy is probably the only way
Maybe date a woman with dwarfism.
I’m a guy at 5’4 tall, not a dwarf by any means but, definitely short in this worlds standards. It’s really tough buddy, and I really do understand to some degree how you feel. Even though, I’m probably on easy mode by comparison I get almost zero women myself and I’m not ugly and have a great job.
I guess I’d ask would you be open to date dwarf women? There are some seriously attractive girls with dwarfism out there, I’m not sure if there is a platform or social event you could go to meet them. It might be an option. Not to make you feel like that’s your only option but, as a short male you gotta do what you gotta do.
I myself at 29 have practically left the dating market now, it’s too competitive on social media and it’s like coming to a gun fight with a spoon.
Make lots of money, travel the world, and wank plenty and try be happy. That’s all we can do.
I’m a bartender and have seen multiple men like you come in with women you’re definitely not doomed because of dwarfism maybe focus on things you can control like personality and style
This is the 100 truth.
I was dressed to the nines in orange pants and a leather jacket.
Stopped to get gas.
A little man covered in tats got in his car, beeped and gave me a double thumbs up.
Sexy as hell.
I still look for him when I’m at that gas station.
He was showing me *be you I dig it* vibes.
Sexy as hell.
Confidence.
As a guy I would never tell anyone to give up. You refuse to let yourself be alone forever so there is your motivation and that in itself is confidence. The women are right, someone won’t notice your size, they will only notice you.
Also, be very careful that your clothing does not enhance the unusual proportions of your frame, Don’t wear things that are oversized, and don’t wear clothes that will make you look like a child. It would be easiest to buy your clothes in the boys department but I would suggest spending some money on custom tailored suits or maybe you can find boys suits that are high quality here and there on online and have them tailored to fit you, trousers, classic men’s sweaters, shirt and tie would be nice, turtlenecks maybe, anything that will make you look like you are dressed like a man. Other guys might have to worry about it too much .
Obviously try to be age appropriate, don’t dress like someone a very different age than you, but lean towards men’s clothing not boys or teens
My (step)dad had dwarfism (he’s passed away now). I looked up to him a lot and obviously he got my mum who’s a hottie so I hope this answer helps you.
My dad was super cool imo. He was very smart, a history buff, read loads of books. My mum still compliments how smart he was. I don’t think it was straight academic smart that won people over though, he was genuinely just fun to talk about things with. Anyone could have a good conversation with him, because he was interested and passionate about these topics.
He was also funny. I can not emphasise how far being funny can get you. So his quick wit, matched with being able to make my mum laugh, and just having this confidence really really helped.
He was also fairly outgoing until the later years when health issues stopped him. For instance he did kayaking when he was younger, road a horse before, just kind of made a point to do things people didn’t think he could do.
He dressed well. He got clothes tailored to fit well. He wore clean black shows. Dude was suave.
He had a good high paying IT job, financial stability goes a long way too no matter what people say and his success at work also just reinforced this idea that he was equal to all his peers and totally capable of having a normal family.
He was social. Went to bridge club (a card game), we had dinner parties, just all round well liked person.
Now he met my mum in Vietnam, and I’m sure that plays a part too. You really stand out in Vietnam as a white dwarf (he called himself a dwarf btw, hated the term “little person”) and as a joke put an ad for blind dates in a newspaper. My mum was one of many that replied out of curiosity and she said he made her laugh so much on the date she had to keep seeing him. I actually remember first being introduced to him and he was so cool I didn’t even care about his height and got into a fight with another kid on my street who made fun of him – I guess I was fighting this kid screaming “he’s gonna be my dad! You shut up!” Or whatever and I finally got scolded when I pushed another kid in the pond for making fun of him.
I never once remember him saying anything about the way people treated him. He got stares. People were rude. My mum was called a mail order bride. Tough stuff. I’m sure it got to him, but he never once showed that to me at least. He was the bigger person, always.
If it means anything women tell you to try your luck cause the don’t know the odds we play we with.
Guys who face that reality everyday know the odds we play with. We know it’s not worth it. You think you have nothing to lose. But you do. Every rejection takes a bit out of you. A little chip at your optimism. Day by day becoming more and more. Until your just a bitter old fuck.
You’re going to have to work, but I see no reason you can’t get a good and loving girlfriend and hopefully wife.
Let’s face reality though, you’re not going to have it easy. Also we can’t expect to pull 10/10 girls or even 7/10s. Sacrificing on attractiveness is not sacrificing on personality.
The dating advice is the same as anyone looks, money, status, basics of game, career, and charisma.
Let’s be real, you’re going to have a really hard time generating attraction off of short interactions and appearance. You’re better off starting with an emotional connection. Simply growing your friend circles to include girls and spending time in proximity to them and building relationships (platonic). If you spend enough positive time around each other then people catch feelings for people they don’t find conventionally attractive. Just learn to recognize the signs that someone has interest and once they have feelings just escalate into a relationship.
Dwarfism is categorized as being an adult under 4’10” (Mayo Clinic). If that’s the case, bro there is definitely hope. The most important thing is to find out what you want in your partner, and then get as much exposure as possible in the right places. Maybe there is a dating app or community for people that have from the same condition? If you’re into dwarf women, that might be something worth searching for! Also get jacked. Since you are shorter, your muscles will grow chonkier (Avg. Olympian is 5’5″), so you’ll be a beef cake by Christmas.
Bottom Line: Finding meaningful relationships sucks and takes time, but they are possible. Fuck the haters, and fuck the devil on you shoulder. Keep at it.
> I’m going to choose to believe women about how to appeal to women, thanks for your insight and opinions, everyone!
As I wish more men would!
As a woman I would say that what matters is that you be confident in yourself, women love it when men are confident(though not cocky) try to engage more in any kind of social gatherings, the right one won’t even mind it, it really all comes down to understanding and mostly preferences, but other than that, there are a lot of women that don’t mind it. Also, I’d suggest to get rid of that “I’m a man with dwarfism” just because you have it doesn’t mean that is the thing that identifies you, people are way more than what they look, what matters is the insides, the soul and the good heart. And also keep good hygiene, be well groomed and smell fresh. Good luck
I’ll be blunt. I’m 5’5, ginger and have a weird husky voice. I do pretty well with the ladies.( Can provide proof). It’s all about confidence, positivity and changing the way you speak to women. I’m happy to have a more in-depth chat if you want examples.
I was an underdog like you. Now I’m the Envy of my male friends.
Source:
I spent 100’s hours along side the UK’s top dating coach as well as hours in the field practicing my craft. Having slept with countless women over the last 4 years I think I qualify giving advice