So here is the thing, I am currently studying at a university. I had some classmates that we were able to have a little chat around school and say hi to each other, but that’s it we never ask each other to hang out or something. However on some occasion, I want to widen my social circle and make new friends. I have thought of trying to invite them to hang out to strengthen and deepen the relationship, but I am too scared to ask cause I don’t know how does people think of me, especially for girls, I don’t want them to view me trying to date them when I invite them to hang out.
So may I ask for advice how can I turn acquaintances into friends? Also I would also like to know how do you guys define acquaintances and friendship?
3 comments
Throw a party with a fun theme and invite them all
I mostly came here to say that I’m struggling with the same thing. But I’m a bit older than you, so maybe I can offer something helpful…
You said you’re at university. What are the most convenient, lowest pressure social settings that are popular among the students? There must be somewhere on or near campus ppl like to study, or get coffee? If you’re in a city, is there a cafe, bar, or even a library that’s nearby and well known?
Once you figure that out, see if it’s low pressure enough for you to say to someone, “hey, I was just going to go to ____ to grab a ____. Wanna join?”
(Or whatever malarkey you kids say these days)
If the other person is already walking, keep walking and point to where you’re headed or something, like the only reason you haven’t already left is bc you’re waiting to hear their response. Be aware that squaring your shoulders off with someone can create an intense confrontational vibe so if you’re talking with your head turned sideways that’s okay. If you’re standing engaged in convo, you can say, “wanna continue this at___?”
That way, it’s a small ask, they can say no bc/if they are busy, so it’s lower rejection risk, and you can gauge their reaction as to your attempt to be a bit more friendly. It might be hit or miss at first, but keep trying. Everyone’s gotta take a little rejection now and then, and “sorry, I’m busy” is about as good as it gets. If there’s a real connection there, the other person may take note of your effort, and reciprocate without you doing anything else.
Hope that helps. Now I need to figure out how to make friends in my small town after being a city creature and habitual traveler for many years. I kinda didn’t realize how much I was avoiding.
Genuinely connect with people in real life e.g. ask how they are, their hobbies, interests, goals, opinions, etc. Listen and pay attention to what people say. Share those things about yourself when asked. People also subconsciously attach you to the value you bring. The value you bring is a clear, unique, and convincing reason why people will interact with you, let alone do so constantly. So Find ways to add value to their lives. Having In person interactions is the easiest way to stand out from countless people who text or message. People remember and favor in person interactions because of the positive vibes. If your hobbies, skills, talents align with their interests or can help them, bring it up and offer to help them. Finally, learn how to be genuinely busy in your life pursuing your goals and hobbies, while interacting with people on the side. People are hardwired to be repulsed by neediness and desperation and instead gravitate towards those who are self confident and well rounded in life. They want to see active confirmation of you actually doing something in your life other than just talking to them. So chase excellence, not people.