Me (f25) and my boyfriend (m26) just had our anniversary and where having some adult fun time. While doing it my boyfriend accidentally put the full weight of his body on my nipple/boob with his elbow.
Never in my life have I ever screamed out of reflex so hard, I legitimately saw stars. We stopped and I started laughing and crying out of shock from the pain, I wasn’t mad at him cause I knew it wasn’t out of malicious intent.
But now my boyfriend is really upset and tearful. I told him that I understood it was an accident and that we should be more mindful of our bodies while doing shit, but now he won’t look at me or talk to me.
It’s been like this all day. Im giving him space cause he’s my little softy and I don’t want to bulldoze his emotions, but I do t know what I should do. Do you have any advice?
TLDR
Boyfriend elbow pinched my boob and now he thinks he’s a bad boyfriend
42 comments
….i fail to see why HE is moping because HE hurt you? I don’t really know how else to put it: if you’re over it, he needs to get over it. He doesn’t get to have a pity party over an accident that you have moved on from.
Maybe he’s not aware that boobs aren’t that delicate as he thinks they are, and is still frightened about possibility of accidentaly hurting you. Try to gently reassure him you’re fine after what happened.
Some day in the past, my husband grabbed me by a wrist and it just cracked – not like it was broken, just like the thing when you stretch and sometimes joints make this cracking sound. That was it, I sqeeked, because hell, squeak first, think later. He was so spooked by that, it took the rest of the day to prove him he didn’t harmed me and that it didn’t even hurt at all.
Just give him a day or so to cool off and then initiate.
Wtf
I understand that unintentionally hurting someone you care about is a shitty shitty feeling. But you insist you’re fine and it’s ok, he needs to get over it. It was your boob after all
Just carry on as normal, you don’t need to do or say anything. He’ll see it’s nothing to worry about and stop moping eventually.
He hurt you, and how he is turning it into something about him and his emotions. Think about that.
What you should do is remind him that he is the one who hurt you. Do not let him make this situation about him. *He* owes *you* an apology.
Oh so you’re hurt and he made it all about himself. Just a glimpse of the future for you.
Tough love is needed. Tell him to stop making it about himself, and you don’t like that he’s twisted an incident where you’re hurt to make it all about himself.
damn that title was misleading
It happens. My boyfriend once tossed my phone to me and it hit my face. I’m okay.
He’s giving you the silent treatment and won’t even look at you because he’s sad that accidentally hurt you? That sounds like a very unhealthy dynamic. He’s the one who hurt you, and now he’s making you comfort him because he feels bad about it and effectively punishing you through silent treatment?
Don’t worry that you might be bulldozing his emotions when he’s bulldozing yours via silent treatment.
You should absolutely take this behavior seriously, and not minimize it or cutesify it by calling him “your little softy” in response to stuff like this. How can you depend on this man for emotional support when he makes himself into the victim in a situation where you were the one who got harmed? Are there other instances of him making himself into the victim in the relationship?
A constructive response for a softy would be for him to bring you an ice pack or make you a lovely dinner or buy flowers or something. A gesture of love to show he’s sorry. Perhaps suggest that.
Tell him he needs to kiss it and make it better
yeah he sounds like he’s mad at you for letting him know it hurt lmaooo… a man who takes a scream personally
I would just let him moop around. He hurt you. Why should i treat him like the victim? If he really feel bad he should treat you nice. But making you feel guilty is just shitty. Can’t you now not express pain because he would moop around all day?
What did I just read?
Jesus and I thought I was ***needy.***
Give him some time to get over it. Red flag if he doesn’t. Maybe he feels really bad, but maybe he’s just making this about him?
You must pinch his dick with all your might
Then balance will be restored
This is middle school shit.
He is trying to +1 you.
Like, you are hurt? No, I AM hurt…. I’m actually more hurt that you because I hurt I hurt you.
*English is not my first language but this sounds funny lol
There are a couple of things here.
The first is that, anatomically speaking, a woman’s boobs have a slight similarity to a man’s ball sack… just bigger, much less hairy, and much less wrinkly. If we get tapped in that part of our body, holy goddam jesus wept batman, that hurts more than words can say… while if we get hit harder, we think that our world is coming to an end in a violent orgy of unholy agony and fire followed by the kind of darkness that is hiding knives, hooks and dentists’ drills.
He might be thinking that, as a boob looks slightly similar, that the sensation is similar. Keep on with the reassurance, because I am sure he feels guilty and remorseful about the excruciating agony your scream attested to.
The second thing is that, for whatever reason, he does not seem to be listening when you tell him you are ok. He is feeling guilty and remorseful about the pain, but he needs to understand that his prolonged guilt trip is now affecting you. As much as it is wrong to bulldoze or invalidate his emotions, he needs to understand that just as the accident hurt you physically, his current behaviour is hurting you emotionally.
I would recommend sitting on his lap, grabbing him by the ears and squishing his face between your boobs and telling him that they are alright, and that you will be alright once he stops beating himself up over it. It might prompt hysterical laughter, or it might prompt a sudden burst of tears, crying, and apologies, but he will probably be better afterwards.
Get a new boyfriend cause he will make it about himself if god forbid you get into a car accident, get raped, or stabbed.
Who’s getting more support and affection right now:
You because he hurt you?
Or
Him because he hurt you?
Accidents happen, but when a man hurts you and then makes *you* comfort **him**…there’s a problem.
SpongeBob me boi, he pinch me boob
If he didn’t try to provide you care for the pinch he isn’t a softy.
Omg. He sounds like a lotta work. He needs to learn better emotional regulation. He’s just making it worse with his ridiculous self pity.
Tell him to get over it lol
Don’t let him see you give birth to his kids, he’ll never speak to you again…
I understand he could be shocked or whatever, but he needs to learn not to punish you for his wrong doings, whether they are accidental or not. Why can’t he just say he’s sorry and move on?
Full on ignoring you for being hurt is not it.
He is centering his feelings instead of recognizing the accident, apologizing, and moving on. His behavior is weird and gross tbh.
Is his elbow ok? He really is soft isnt he? ^^
How about do nothing? This doesn’t seem like something that requires anyone to do anything.
It was an accident and he feels bad about it. It will blow over.
I hate to say this, but he is clearly sorry; it’s not nice to make you feel bad and make you take care
of his feelings on top of that. He isn’t a little boy. I’m sure he’s a very sweet man but you might want to communicate with him that his continued guilty conscience is actually making the relationship more difficult and not less.
I thought this was meant to be a story about a boyfriends friend pinching this woman’s boob… a little disappointed 😂
This post is terribly written and the title is misleading. You pinched me time.
My bf is like this too. I usually just give him time and snuggles if he wants them, and I try and make him laugh
Yeah….that title was a shit show of misinformation lol
Maybe if you spank him it’ll even things out?
He’s embarrassed. When some peeps get embarrassed, or remorseful. especially in an intimate situation, they may act like this. It’s not the most emotionally mature reaction, but he cares at least. Going from intimate to embarrassed or upset In an instant can throw people for a loop.
A lot of people in this comment section are implying that your boyfriend is acting this way for selfish reasons or otherwise malicious intent. I don’t believe that, and I don’t think you do either. Nevertheless, your boyfriend needs to learn and understand that this is an inappropriate response to what happened, and he needs to either find a new coping mechanism or communicate a lot better about how he feels and what he wants to do about it.
If he came from an especially strict household it’s likely a trauma response for him to act this way, so have a little patience and be kind about it, but at the end of the day your feelings matter too. The way he responds to you sitting down with him about it will tell you a lot more about the quality of partner that he is than the way he’s acting right now.
Be straightforward with him. “Hey, listen, we need to talk about last night. It hurt when all your weight went onto my breast, and I’d like you to be careful that doesn’t happen again, but I know it was just an accident. I wasn’t angry with you over an accident, and now I’m over it. *However*, it is increasingly weird, uncool and upsetting that *you* are giving *me* the silent treatment over *you hurting me*. What’s going on here? If you’re angry or upset with me for being hurt, that’s not okay. If you’re angry or upset with yourself, okay, but a full day of weirdness over *an accident* is too much and forcing me to comfort and soothe you isn’t cool. If you want to make yourself feel better about hurting me you could try doing something nice for me. If you’re not going to do that, the least you can do is not punish me for it.”