Currently my fiancé (f25) and I (m28) are in long distance relationship (2 years relationship, 6 months engagement) and she is trying to move to my city but things are difficult due to economic crisis in my country. We will get married next year and we really want to be together.
I have an opening in my department at my office and she is the perfect candidate but my only concern is that she will directly report to me and it can get complicated. We are engaged but we can hide our relationship from HR.
Overall I know most people will say its not a good idea so can people share their positive experiences (if any) where they worked with their partners or maybe they were their boss to be precise and it worked even if it meant creating a lot of boundaries and working on possible issues (professional and personal).
TL;DR: I want to hire my fiancé as my subordinate so we can be together until we get married because we live in different cities.
Rule 2: Should I hire my fiancé as a subordinate?
9 comments
No. You want to hire her so you two can spend time together? Even if she’s qualified for it this is not a professional decision nor a sound decision.
You want to hide it to HR? That’s an admittance that even you think it’s not a good decision to make.
Do not use your position for personal gains and don’t argue that it’s not because it t is.
Bad idea. Don’t mix business and pleasure.
>We are engaged but we can hide our relationship from HR.
So then when they find you out, you both lose your jobs.
Even if it was a good idea to hire her (it’s not) it wouldn’t be a good idea to hide it.
I never worked with a partner in a corporate setting but I did work with my ex at the same restaurant for the span of our two and a half year relationship. HR was pretty non-existent because it’s a local shop so there wasn’t anything to hide but it was definitely not easy. I think power dynamics can be really difficult in both personal/romantic relationships and work relationships so combining the two is a just a disaster waiting to happen in my opinion. it also makes it not as fun to come home after work and divulge your day to your partner when they had the exact same day that you had. I felt that it eventually created a divide and forced us to be more of friends/coworkers rather than two separate people in a loving, romantic relationship. I just think that if you can avoid this situation then it would probably be best to do so, for the longevity of your relationship!
This plan is deeply unwise.
Nepotism is generally frowned upon. Hiring your fiancee would be nepotism.
If you lie to HR about something this serious, you risk not only your job but your reputation as a professional in your chosen industry.
The economy is difficult worldwide. You have my sympathy. I understand why you feel desperate. But please, for your sake, for the sake of the long-term, make a plan that does not involve a lie; that does not involve misusing your hiring power; that provides your fiancee with a safe place to work where she isn’t supervised by her romantic partner.
Not unless you both want to end up unemployed.
That you realise you must hide the relationship from HR shows that you know it is a bad idea. You will not be able to treat her the same as everyone else. She will not be able to do her job in the right way with you being over her like that.
Do not do it.
One of my rules in life is never date or get involved with a coworker in any way, shape, or form. And when it comes to romantic relationships with bosses, that’s a big fat HELL NO! Some people can make it work, but to me there’s too much risk involved and frankly, I don’t want the headache.
My older sister works at a small company that manages 401k plans. She technically dated and married a man who was at one point her supervisor. I don’t know if he still is her supervisor since they have their own teams to manage, but he still has seniority over her since he’s worked there longer. Anyway, when my sister and her husband first started dating, the big bosses were well aware of their relationship because they didn’t want to hide anything from people.
You want to hide your relationship from HR? If anything, HR should be included in the conversation so everyone knows what is to be expected. In fact, you should actually look up what you’re companies fraternization policy is. Some places won’t care if couples are superiors or subordinates to each other, and other places won’t want the mess so no couples allowed or, companies (like mine) will allow couples but they have to work in separate departments.
If you are allowed to work with your fiancee, then you both need to really understand that there is a very firm line that separates your work and personal life. At work, you two are working, not being all over each or sneaking away for a quickie in a closet or whatever. She’s expected to do her job and understand that during work hours you are her boss, not her significant other. And if things do become messy, or she’s not professional at work, then you need to be prepared to take the fall for it as you are in a position of power, and you were the one to recommend her.
Before she applies, you two need to have some serious conversations where you will lay out rules and expectations for working hours to make sure both your work life, and home life won’t be affected negatively.
Thank you everyone for your input, I knew this wasn’t okay but needed someone to say it out loud as well.
I have talked to my fiancé and director, they will change her reporting line if they end up hiring her and another manager will take lead on the hiring process so lets see.